It's Not Monday!

I had a great holiday weekend, extreme heat notwithstanding, and am having a short work week. That makes me happy.

Hope your weekend was excellent and you're happy, too. I know it's Tuesday, but it feels like --

Calling on Lola

I'm thinking of changing my name to Lola. You can probably guess why.

What I want right now is a 4-day weekend, and I'll be getting that beginning at 4:00 P.M. Yay!

Suckage

What is a black hole? Well, a black hole is defined as, in a nutshell, a curvature of space-time geometry created by an intense gravitational field from which nothing, not even light, can escape. You don't want to get sucked into a black hole. Increasingly, I am finding my office to be a black hole. There is no air, no light, no escape. There is cold. They keep it so damn cold that I often have to wear two sweaters and a lap blanket. We women often wonder among ourselves if that has anything to do with the doddering senior partner's Google search history -- Asian women, Japanese women, Russian women, European women, French women, Swedish women. Lingerie. Demi-bras. Water bras. And some things we've never heard of. Yeah, we gather around his computer every now and again to look at his history and snicker. But I digress.

Black holes is the subject. Yesterday alone, I had three clients from hell to deal with, all with diagnoses of "offness." One is a woman who's not even our client; her boyfriend, who apparently can't speak for himself, is. She called me three times yesterday, taking up 15 to 20 minutes with each call. It got to the point where I just laid the receiver down, let her ramble (because you can't get a word in edgewise, anyway), and went on about my business. Another is a young male divorce client. He's not angry when he's talking to me, but he yells. He's just ... loud. And never understands anything 'til you've explained it multiple times. He gives me a headache. The other one was another divorce client, female, whom nothing ever pleases. She will argue with me if I look out the window and tell her nobody's dropped a bomb and everything is still standing. And then there was a new guy -- not, thank God, one of mine -- who came in to discuss his recent release from the psych center and his complaint against the police for disrespecting him. And then he spent 15 minutes extolling on the virtues and beauty of our front door before they could actually hustle him out said door.

Black holes suck. And not just literally. But they have to have an escape hatch somewhere. Don't they?

Watch out for black holes, and Happy Hump Day.

Was It a Mayan Fortune Cookie?

Well, here we all are on this fine Monday. It seems the world didn't end Saturday evening after all. Some folks no doubt have a large stash of canned goods, camping gear, and other non-perishables. More power to them. They just won't have to shop for a while. And who knows what might happen on December 21, 2012? Were the Mayans any more savvy than the Rapture People? We shall see.

I cracked open a fortune cookie last night and wasn't quite sure what to make of my, er, fortune: My reality check just bounced. What?! Should I be concerned?

Friday Thingamablog

I post this "Thing" with a disclaimer: I am not a troublemaker. Usually. When I am, everybody knows it. And then I get over it. And so does everybody else.

TGIF!

You Are a Troublemaker

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate. You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken. And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted. Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved. Your strength: Your flair Your weakness: If you think it, you say it Your power color: Scarlet red Your power symbol: Inverted triangle Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Blogthings: Quizzes and Tests and Memes, Oh My!

Twisted Linguistics

We haven't toyed with any blasfomys (idiotic typos and non-words culled from the Worldwide Web) in a while. So, today we are. Personally, I'm going to pervert them into a story. You may do whatever your heart (or your twisted psyche) desires with them.

This is the raw material:

convincent
conden
phychologist
hippocrit
greatesr
miss inturpreted
dialgue
ridiclous
chronical
rediculess

And this is their story:

Miss Inturpreted entered a convincent in search of a little peace and tranquility -- the contemplative life. She thought it might be one of the greatesr moves of her life, considering her misspent youth. One of the requirements for novices was a few regular sessions with the visiting phychologist. Never one to shirk her duty, our little Miss showed up religiously. But -- Miss was prone to misreading signals. And then after her sixth or seventh session, she came stomping out of the office muttering about that ridiclous hippocrit, the stupid über portly phychhead. The full story never came out until a dialgue in the delivery room nine months later, some kind of delirious ranting about a chronical broken conden. Rediculess!

Pax vobiscum. And

I Think I Want -- What?

I'm going to have a -- shhhh! -- birthday this year. There's nothing I can do about it. It's going to come, regardless. It is, therefore, my opinion that the only thing to do is celebrate the darn thing.

That means ... presents! Whatever anyone gives me will be gratefully accepted and appreciated, but I'm going to have to give myself something completely over the top. Presents are the only way to cope with these seminal, life-changing events. Seriously. This year, it has to be big.

What should it be?

ISO Mellow

I find perpetually chirpy-perky, happy-happy people irritating. I also find snippy, morbidly abrasive people irritating. Have I reached the curmudgeon stage of life? Where everything is irritating? No! It's irritating to even think so. There is much to be said for the nirvana of a happy medium. I just need to stay in close proximity to smack-dab in the middle so none of the extremes rub off on me. There are times -- numerous times -- when zoning out stands on its own.

Anybody disagree? If so, please proceed to do so -- but pleasantly. And quietly!

Toeing the Line?

I'm not prepared with anything written today, mainly because I messed around and procrastinated and pretty much blew the weekend doing exactly what I felt like doing. Therefore, I never got around to any actual thinking and committing those thoughts to writing. Not exactly toeing the line, but then I rarely do if I can get away with it. Which is most of the time. Which is a very good thing for me. I think.

You Are the Second Toe

You are a dreamy person. You often get lost in your imagination. You have many wishes and desires. You spend a lot of time thinking about what could be. You are very keyed into your heart. You tend to go with what you feel over what you think. You trust yourself to know what to do. You are very intuitive.

What Toe Are You?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Friday Blogthing -- Finally!

Blogger is finally working again after a couple of days in the Dead Zone. I don't know what the problem was, but it sure did make a lot of people unhappy.

Today is Friday the 13th -- and I consider Friday the 13ths lucky days. Happy 13th, TGIF, and have a good weekend.

Your Worry Factor is 45%

While you're not a worrywart, you worry more than you should. Maybe you don't have enough to keep your mind occupied at times... Or perhaps you've trapped yourself into some bad thinking patterns. Try to worry less and enjoy life more. There's no point thinking about things you can't change!

Do You Worry Too Much?

Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

Wisdom of the Ages

I have reached an age when some things become abundantly clear, so clear that I'm tempted to smack my own forehead for not picking up on them years ago. We won't speak of other things which become somewhat muddied and hazy as our (strictly chronological) years advance.

Anyway, it now occurs to me that I will never be featured on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Yay!

How DO You Know?

One might suspect that one is an idiot, but how do you know? If you fear you're suffering from idiocy, does your opinion actually count? On the other hand, if enough neurons are firing to allow your brain to even broach the suspicion, how idiotic can you be, really?

Whatever the consensus, have a splendidly Happy Hump Day!

It Ain't the Wisdom of Solomon, But...

I guess I'd rather have a ratty, tarnished tiara than no tiara at all. Sometimes glitter ain't all that -- and it wipes off pretty easily anyway with that Tarnish-Off stuff.

It's a state of mind; no secret handshake required. In the end, everything is.

And The Oracle Said ... What?

Sometimes, I wonder. That's it. I just ... wonder. About everything. And question ... everything. And know -- what? Sometimes I fear I know nothing at all. You think you know something and then you find out you don't know squat. Some things never change. Will there always be more questions than answers? Of course! That makes me ... wonder. Damn, it's a vicious circle, isn't it? Holy crapezoids.