Boo!

The Friday Thingonmyblog

It's almost Halloween. May you be lucky enough to get more treats than tricks.


And it is already Friday. TGIF!


I take issue with some aspects of my results from this week's quiz but, what the heck, it's all in good fun for Halloween. Witch, Vampire, or Zombie -- which are you?

You Are a Vampire

Like a vampire, you can be a bit cold and heartless at times. You are very calculating. You think with your head, and you know better than to follow your heart. While you are as thick skinned and resourceful as a vampire, you aren't necessarily as evil. You can easily manipulate people into doing what you want. Whether you actually choose to manipulate them or not is a different matter.

Are You A Vampire, Witch, Or Zombie?

Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

Happymaker

It is absolutely true that happiness is a warm puppy.


But happiness -- indeed, sheer delirium -- can also be induced by the fact that it's my last workday of the week.


I swear, the weeks just get harder and harder. The women in my office have experimented with a new letterhead -- we're putting our names at the top as the attorneys and the attorneys' names under "staff." We are doing all the actual practice of law lately. And we're all having meltdowns half a dozen times a day. The lawyers aren't doing a darn thing but what we tell them they have to do -- and show them how to do it -- when they even bother coming to work. How does that make them worth $400 bucks an hour? It's crazy!


But it's Thursday, and that's a happymaker for me.

Happy Feet

So, my two left shoes that I got the other day? I wrote an e-mail Monday morning to the place I bought them from -- and just trust me when I tell you I know how to write an effective e-mail.


I received a response yesterday. Here's how they're making me happy: First, I need not inconvenience myself by repackaging the defective goods and hauling them off to UPS or the Post Office. Second, they've already shipped a replacement pair of shoes -- and promising that a live human inspected the box to ensure it contained a left and a right shoe. Third, they're crediting my debit card for the entire purchase price; ergo, the shoes are now free. And fourth, I will now receive free next-day shipping on any and every future order.


I'm going to have some happy feet!


And you have a Happy Hump Day!!

What's Wrong With This Picture?

I've always liked Clarks clogs. I have a couple of pairs of Nine West clogs, but much prefer the Clarks in terms of comfort and fit. Well, that was then and this is now. Alas, I believe the time has come to say sayonara to Clarks & Co.

You will recall the recent debacle of the disintegrating clog. In need of a pair of black clogs because I live in them during the Winter, I bought a new pair of Clarks, which would be these:



Look closely, and you begin to see the problem.





How about that? I went to put them on to wear to work yesterday morning and was dumbfounded to find in the box -- 2 left shoes. I was livid, and not only because I had to scramble to find some other shoes that would go with what I was wearing. This is it with Clarks. I'm looking for some other brand of clog that's comfortable, pretty, and not outrageously priced. Any suggestions?

Extra Large, Lots of Cream, Please

The Friday Thingonmyblog

I thought this Blogthing would be fun but, shoot, if all I can get is Twizzlers, I ain't going. I loathe those things. I don't want to be a gruesome animal, either. Um, what is a gruesome animal? Wild boar, maybe? I guess I could be a sexy cop. Hmmm.


Fridays are fun, though. And here we are, on a Friday. TGIF!

You Should Be a Sexy Cop for Halloween

Halloween is a huge party for you, except you're never really sure what to go as. No matter what, your costume will make people's eyes pop out of their heads. Costume suggestions: A sexy cop or a gruesome animal Signature Halloween candy: Twizzlers Scary movie you should celebrate Halloween with: Scream

What's Your Halloween Horoscope?

Blogthings: We're Not Shrinks, But We Play Them On the Internet

Twisted Linguistics

As you may have heard, that 90-year-old preacher from Oakland says the world is ending Friday. Of course, he's predicted The End a number of times before -- and we're still here. My guess is he's got a few dead neurons in his head and we'll still be good to go after Friday.

What do you think about these Words Gone Wild?


currupt
un-identifided
comand
aftet
accessoties
unoffically
ransome
un-nerving


I personally think they're extras in "The Walking Dead." Of course, if the preacher is right, they may be the only ones left standing Friday.


Maybe the end will be a Zombie Apocalypse and, afterwards, everything will be gone to the dogs and currupt, of course. There will be un-identified body parts and accessoties after the fact littering the landscape. The hastily crowned King Comand will have been kidnapped and held hostage by the unoffically anointed Zombie Queen, the mostly intact but fickle Aftet. The warm-blooded ransome ideas up the flagpole and considered paying some money for his release. Of course, nobody will have any cash, even if they were brave enough to go outside to deliver it. And I don't think cold, hard coin would be of much interest to Aftet, anyway. It'll all be pretty un-nerving, don't you think?

Duly Sworn...

Today, we have a Tale of the Senile Old Troll for whom I work. He took divorce depositions last week (and I say that facetiously because I always have the questions prepared in advance and pay no attention to his drivel). In some cases, I listen to the tapes he makes just in case the parties say something outside the norm that I didn't anticipate. Since this client and her witness speak limited and broken English, I gave this tape a listen.

He took the client's witness first, which is bass-ackwards and simply not done, which indicated that he had no idea which lady was his client. He started asking her to whom she was married, when she was married, when she was separated from her husband, yada-yada. And the poor bewildered witness was answering. At that point, the actual client interjected with, "Excuse me, she's my witness. She's not getting a divorce. I'm your client." Then he stuttered and mumbled a bit before announcing that he was going to start over, telling the client that he was going to take her ... picture. How the hell "picture" is analogous to "deposition" is open to conjecture.

I was practically rolling on the floor by the end of the tape and, naturally, had to share it with the rest of the staff. It was a good day for us, and God knows they're few and far between. And then I made a transcript and put it in the file. For posterity. And future laughs.

Happy Hump Day!

My Shooooooes

I mentioned last week the strange case of the disintegrating shoe and said I would elaborate on that. Here's what happened.

I wore clogs (Clarks) to work that day, and didn't notice anything amiss between my house and the office. Once there, I walked to the kitchen to get coffee and thought my right shoe felt a little loose on my foot, but paid no attention to it. Around 10:00 A.M., I got up to go get more coffee and make a bathroom run. Walking down the hall, my shoe felt really loose. Then I happened to look down and noticed something sticking off the side of my shoe. I thought I'd stepped in something and it had stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

In the bathroom, I took a closer look and was stunned to see that my shoe was almost literally in pieces. The sole had cracked completely in two, and the seams had come loose on both sides so that I could stick my hand through it. I Scotch-taped the crack in the sole to get me through the day. Do not call me a hillbilly. One does what one has to do to make it through the day.

This ignominy (sans tape) is illustrated in the pictures below.

Some time later, I saw that my left shoe had also started coming apart at the seams on both sides. These were supposedly good quality leather clogs, certainly no more than five years old. I have shoes (some that I paid much less for than these) that I've worn frequently for 10 and 15 years, so I know this shouldn't have happened.

I haven't done so yet, but I fully intend to write a letter to Clarks about this. For whatever good it will do. But at least it'll be off my chest and on somebody else's.

The Friday Thingonmyblog

My week has been, shall we say, interesting. There was heat and then there was rain, there was a moon to deal with, there was mondo weirdness afoot, there was a bad dream that I'm still pondering, and yesterday my shoe virtually disintegrated on my foot at work. Seriously! More about that at a later date. With pictures.


TGIF, and have a great weekend!

You Are a Candy Hound

You are hedonistic... sometimes to the point of being greedy. You love to eat, and there's no chance you're sharing your candy! While you may be greedy, it's with good reason. You have great taste. The things you love are worth loving, and it's no wonder you crave them.

What Does Your Favorite Candy Say About You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Yeah, I know I said I don't care much for country music, but I adore Dwight Yoakam and this song, which I also adore, has been on my mind.

Twisted Linguistics

Coming down off a full moon and drying off after a hard rain, today seems to me like a fine time to stamp out some blasphemy blasfomy. I'll provide the Words Gone Wild. Shoot, I'll even have a stab at interrogating them. But -- I'd like to see what you can do to them.



ambidextrious - This refers to an industrious kind of guy who's been pounding the pavement for hours in search of an Ambien because he's been awake on diet pills since dawn and is desperate for a little sleep.



moral terpitude - The only kind of morality imaginable to a certain breed of corporate twerps who lie for a living.



premediated murder - When neither pissed off party could agree to any settlement terms and they turned on the arbitrator.



erronous - Poetry written and dispatched by a lovesick swain which was neither erotic nor poetry. It was a mistake to hang the messenger, but there you have it.



authenicate - Real fornication.



arristed for indecient exposure - What sometimes happens to the bored and privileged children of the idle rich who didn't think they needed no education.



juristiction - The place where nasty old judges go to do dirty, icky stuff.

Rain On

Rain settled in last night and will be around for the next couple of days. I'm not a fan of country music, but I love rainy nights; hence, the song choice.



I used to get, um, hormonal on rainy nights. A rainy night and a full moon, whoa mama. Well. My hormones have had to get hobbies these days to keep 'em out of trouble. Whatever. I still love a rainy night; they make me sleep like the late lamented dead.



Happy Hump Day!

Slightly Intransigent, But No Fever

I may have a case of apathy. It's self-diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure that's what it is. One of my bosses is a senile old troll and the other one has gone into slacker mode, and I don't give a crap any more. And if the clients want to whine about it, I don't care as long as I don't have to listen to it. If I got fired tomorrow, I'd probably grin and drool. If anybody yells at me or wants to sob their life story to me when I'm busy, it goes in one ear and out the other. Is this what they mean by apathy?



I'm not worried in the least about illness, unemployment, or natural disaster. Apathy, probably. I'm slightly concerned about zombies, but not enough to get up off the sofa and take any precautions. Apathy? Hmm -- maybe that one's half apathy and half stupidity.



Sometimes I worry about burglars and car-jackers and maniacal serial killers, but not that much. Got to be apathy. Or the knowledge that nobody wants my car or my stuff.



Or maybe it's just a touch of seasonal affective disorder?



My spirit hasn't even been moved lately by book sales or bake sales or even, God help me, shoe sales. I'm not frivolously spending any money and I'm not even feeling withdrawal pangs. What the hell is wrong with me? And for heaven's sake, is there a cure?

Spook Walking

Halloween is coming, of course -- which goes a long way toward explaining why I found myself in an old cemetery Saturday night. Not alone; geez, I'm not crazy. No, it was an organized event in conjunction with the local history museum and there were a number of other people around.


My companion took this photo of the moon -- which, mind you, won't even be officially full until Tuesday night -- shining down on this elaborate 19th century grave marker. Is this not spookalicious?

The Friday Thingonmyblog

Well, ain't this just precious? I'm feeling about as lovable as a warthog this week. Full moon's coming, isn't it?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

TGIF and have a great weekend!

Penance

This is the kind of week I've had:-



And this is how karma has been treating me:-



I must have done something really bad once upon a time. I hope that karma knows that I'm really, really sorry and will never do it again and that it will let up on me a little. Please!



I'm very happy to have made it to Hump Day without catastrophe. So far. The day ain't over yet.



Happy Hump Day!

Blaze of Glory

A Fall chill in the air arrived quite suddenly Thursday night, sending me into a bit of a "nesting" frenzy over the weekend. I -- horrors -- cleaned. A little (I might have done more, but I fretted all weekend about a problem I was having at work). And I got out some warm clothes. And real shoes -- with backs and covered toes. And cut the tags off a new jacket. And ... put a blanket on my bed. It seriously went down into the low 40s at night. That's chilly.

And I, who used to be fairly hot-blooded until I started working in an office that feels like a deep-freeze year-round, even turned the heat on the last two or three nights. I never turn on the heat this early, but it was cold. And I rarely deny myself simple creature comforts, so why the heck not?


There's no rule, after all, about any date certain on which the heat may be turned on. And if there were such a rule, I'd break it first chance I got. Which I may have just done. Score another one for Serena!


This won't last, of course. It'll be back to close to 80 by Friday and I'll have to either rip that blanket off the bed or turn on the AC. The leaves are turning, though, and starting to look like a gloriously colorful blaze of Autumn. I have company coming for the weekend and we may have to do one of those "foliage drives" through the countryside. In shorts.

I Think...

Change is inevitable. And yet the old cliché about the more things change, the more they remain the same, still applies.


Nothing ever really changes.


That's my story and I'm sticking to it.