Today, we have a Tale of the Senile Old Troll for whom I work. He took divorce depositions last week (and I say that facetiously because I always have the questions prepared in advance and pay no attention to his drivel). In some cases, I listen to the tapes he makes just in case the parties say something outside the norm that I didn't anticipate. Since this client and her witness speak limited and broken English, I gave this tape a listen.
He took the client's witness first, which is bass-ackwards and simply not done, which indicated that he had no idea which lady was his client. He started asking her to whom she was married, when she was married, when she was separated from her husband, yada-yada. And the poor bewildered witness was answering. At that point, the actual client interjected with, "Excuse me, she's my witness. She's not getting a divorce. I'm your client." Then he stuttered and mumbled a bit before announcing that he was going to start over, telling the client that he was going to take her ... picture. How the hell "picture" is analogous to "deposition" is open to conjecture.
I was practically rolling on the floor by the end of the tape and, naturally, had to share it with the rest of the staff. It was a good day for us, and God knows they're few and far between. And then I made a transcript and put it in the file. For posterity. And future laughs.
Happy Hump Day!