Interrogation Day

I had a rough night. The dog tried to kill me again -- tennis ball on the stairs. I'm no dummy. I've learned (the hard way) to turn on the light, so I saw it before it could get me. In the bathroom, a huge spider jumped out (probably straight from hell) and scared the bejesus out of me. It was roughly the size of Mt. Hood, black, and hairy. It startled me into biting my lip, which bled like a stuck pig. It doesn't hurt this morning, but the cut is funking up my lipstick.

That's not helping my surly mood brought on by the redneck neighbor's big-ass dog barking all night. That sort of counteracted my actually getting to bed before midnight for the first time in I don't know how long. Moron.

If you try four or five times to get your bra hooked and you just can't do it, it doesn't necessarily herald the sudden onset of Altzheimer's. Take a deep breath, and then take it off and make sure you don't have it on inside out. Duh.

I haven't quizzed my pretties much this week, so today's the day to pick your brains a little bit and have a little fun with you at the same time.

Get your fortune here:

No person is without enemies. Except for you and Arnold Schwarzenegger

'What is your Fortune?' at QuizGalaxy.com

What are some of your favorite things?

Pick and Choose Survey Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com Cat or Dog Dog Short or Long Hair Long Innie or Outie Innie Sunshine or Rain Sunshine Moon or Sun Moon Basketball or Football Neither Righty or Lefty Righty Hugs or Kisses Kisses 1 Best Friend or 10 Acquaintances 1 best friend bf/gf or Best Friend Best friend TV or Radio TV Starbucks or Jamba Juice Starbucks McDonalds or Burger King BK Summer or Winter Summer Snail Mail or E-Mail E Playstation or Xbox Neither Disney or Nickelodeon Nick Car or Motorcycle Car House Party or Club House party Sing or Dance Dance Freak or Slow Dance Slow dance Yahoo Messanger or Other Other Google or Yahoo Google Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com

What famous movie kiss are you?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Spiderman

"I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Twisted Linguistics brought in these Words Gone Wild in handcuffs today.

pention fund - Saving up for a penthouse.

Stephin King - A stand-in for a famous scary writer.

alledged - Stuck on a ledge.

they have really took to it - LOL!


Today's Installment of Dear TWIT

Downtrodden author's reply to the company's last letter:

Dear EAS,

Oh, my God! FINALLY! My very own tone letter. Only $20 a pop? What, are your girls ugly or something? I can do better than that on the slowest corner downtown on a Saturday night.

Oops. Now you're never going to let me go, are you?

Sincerely,
UNslave Me and I'll Pay You $20


Dear UNslave Me:

First of all, stop changing your name, we here at Putrid Publishing know who you are!

Secondly, you will never know what Betty, Betsy, or Bitsy look like because we are very careful to keep their pictures off the internet and we cover their heads during their "other duties." Do you think we're stupid or something, if we didn't we wouldn't even get the twenty bucks!

As for "unslaving you," we get far more entertainment out of knowing you are unhappy and stressed out than $20.00 could ever provide. So keep your $20.00, you're going to need it what with royalties coming up and all.

Yours truly,
The Asshat Brigade


Dear Miss Uppity Tone Lady at the Asshat Brigade,

Never?! What if I offered you $40 and promised to stop saying nasty things about you? Man, them girls of yours must be truly awful looking if you have to cover their heads before you send them out to ... work. My names really bug you, huh? Apparently, you ain't all that up on who I am. PimpDaddy Billy-Bob put my real name in his trashy book and looks dazed and confused whenever he hears my dead and buried name.

Lady, you should never ask a pissed off slave if she thinks you're stupid. Duh! I do, in spades. NOW will you release me?

Let me ask you another question, AssHat Lady. If you people were to get out of the printing/pimping business and become a rap group, what would you call yourselves?

Sincerely,
I Will Annoy You To Death If I Have To


Dear Annoy you to Death:

I see you changed your name again. Like every other AssHat hear I am going to ignore what you writed and answer your questions the way I wont to. We have many success stories. I can prove it, Hell I writed most of them. Can't you tell,? they are spelt rong. We have neber been late with a royalty payment. We do, how ever, forget to send them at random because it amuses us. You will be hearing from us shortly. Ha Ha go check your e-amil now.

Assistant Deputy director of Pimping
Putrid Publishing

P.S. We don't know how to wrap, but we are holding a meeting with the big 3 to find out what it means.