Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Serena's Big Adventure

cool myspace layouts


Do I know how to live large and have a good time or what? You bet! Here's how yesterday went at the office.

- I walk in, and nobody's there but Skank Girl's lowlife husband, pushing a broom.
- I find Baby Lawyer out on the porch talking on her cell phone.
- Baby Lawyer shows me the handwritten note on a torn piece of yellow paper left for her by Boss Lady, informing her that due to cost-cutting measures, she can now offer her only 8 hours a week, at a rate lower than what she's paying Skank Girl.
- I help Baby Lawyer pack up all her stuff and, after a few curses and tears, watch her hit the road.
- I learn that Skank Girl has gone to court with Boss Lady; it was Boss Lady's first time in court since her stroke. Wonder why she picked that morning to do it?
- Since Skank Girl is gone, I have to answer the phones -- and it's Monday, which means all the lines are going crazy at the same time.
- At the same time, I'm trying to move into Baby Lawyer's office, where all my stuff has been thrown over the weekend.
- They moved my computer, but not all the drives are connected and one vital piece of software is non-functional.
- I had in my old office 2 desks, a hutch, and a credenza, all fully utilized. In my new space, there's only a desk and a bookcase that's already crammed with junk -- and I ain't cleaning it out. Therefore, I distribute all my stuff (my stuff that I can find, that is) on the floor and in what few boxes are available. I don't clean any of that up or try to put it in any kind of order, either. I'm sure, one way or another, it's only temporary digs, so why the hell should I?
- The only place for my computer is this little rolling shelf/cart thingey. I have to get Mr. Lowlife to remove the shelf so I have a space in which to cram my legs while I'm trying to use the keyboard.
- Skank Girl finally gets back shortly before noon. She's wearing a new dress, one in which no cleavage is showing. I figure Boss Lady must have taken her shopping for something decent to wear to court.
- Now that Skank Girl is back, I figure I can maybe try to do a little work.
- The new office is hot as hell, and the window AC unit is putting only tepid air. Still, after a couple of hours, it blew a circuit and my office went dark. I lost the document I had almost completed.
- I went home too pissed to eat and too pissed to sleep and not focused enough to read. I drank coffee, smoked cigarettes, and stared at the tube until I could decently call it a night and pull the covers over my head.

And today, I'll get to do a lot of it all over again. Maybe today I can see it as a big adventure. And laughable. Although I suspect the joke is on me.

14 comments:

G-Man said...

I can see you in Khaki shorts and a Pith Helmet, venturing into the Jungle of Life every day!!!
B'wana Shere.....:P
I would be your porter Any Time...

/t. said...

keep on
making notes
and one day soon
you will have enough
material for a new sit-com

then you'll be able to work it by day and watch reruns by night

maybe that's not what you want to hear... but hear this:

HAPPY TUESDAY SERENA JOY!

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

/t. said...

***

CURSE THAT G-MAN

***

Marion said...

You deserve a big ole "POOR BABY"! What a horrible day. I hope today's better! Hugs!

snowelf said...

That is too much for one day. Just too much. Seriously. I am still shaking my head. I bet you almost envy baby lawyer. Almost.

Sending lots of love and hugs!

--snow

Serena said...

Every girl needs all the porters she can get, Galen. Get your pith helmet, load up the elephant, and let's roll.:-)

Happy Tuesday, /t., but please, for God's sake, no reruns of this lunacy! Why the curses? You can be a porter, too!:-)

Thanks, Dragonfly. Today was a bit better, though it's all relative.:)

And thank you, Miss Snow. Yep, WAY too much. And I DO envy Baby Lawyer. She's out of the dung heap and doesn't have to worry about working.;)

/t. said...

haha
hah ha ha

i can be a porter?

curse the g-man for slipping his comment in mere seconds before i ;)

what's a porter?

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Roxan said...

I suspect the next thing that will happen is you'll find your job taken over by some illegal alien who barely understands English.
I'm amazed at how unethical bosslady is. This is going to come back on her one of these days and I hope you are far, far away.
If she's doing all this, I guarantee she's doing something illegal.

Serena said...

/t., my dear man, a porter is someone who is willing to unflinchingly fetch stuff for me, cart things around when I need them carted, fix my broken stuff, and generally kowtow to me from sunup to nightfall, for what is considered pretty lousy pay. So, do you want the job?:)

You're probably pretty close to right, Roxan. I fully expect to get my own "yellow note" sooner or later. What will replace me, God only knows. Boss Lady has only one Mexican client, a guy, but scads of Vietnamese and Cambodian and Thai ladies. You know, I am 99% convinced that she's done something either illegal or unethical enough to get her disbarred and that Skank Girl knows all about it; hence, SG's unholy hold over her. I am looking SO hard for some exit route out of there.;)

/t. said...

HELL YA!

<3

Serena said...

Well, all righty then. You're hired!;)

Skunkfeathers said...

Following on G-Man's comment, you could always pith in the helmet and put it on Skank Girl's haid. It'd probably confuse her crotch crickets, who'd begin a migration north ;)

puerileuwaite said...

Wait. You have a rolling computer cart with a REMOVABLE shelf? I'm going to try to pretend I didn't read that. And if I find that I cannot, I will NOT be jealous; but shall instead rejoice in your good fortune.

(And now ... to find SOMEWAY to get Bobbie Gentry's "Ode to Billy Joe" out of my noggin, which for some inexplicable reason became lodged in there after reading this post ...)

Serena said...

Oh, so THAT'S why they call them pith helmets, Skunk. I'll keep that in mind.:)

The thing doesn't actually roll, Puggy, as I found out when I tried to move it. Took just a leeeetle more elbow grease. And thanks to the Computer Guy, I'm not using the stupid thing any more, anyway, except to set my printer on. I'm guessing that in light of your choice of video link, this stuff must be all the latter-day rage in Backwater Gothic.:)