Thursday, December 11, 2008
Gunning for the Moon
Tomorrow night, the moon is full. Not that its imminence bothers me in the least. Why should it? I've been feeling the effects for days now. Things that I'd normally shrug off have been crawling all over me. I'm touchy, feeling hormonal, and am just downright peevish. I'm in one of those moods where if anybody dares to look at me cross-eyed, I'd just as soon slap them. And I am not a slapper. I know the moon is to blame, so there's no point in trying to convince me otherwise. What else could it be? It's up there, it's blindingly bright, it's all puffed up and full of itself, and it's looking down and sneering at all the havoc. Honestly -- and I haven't researched this at all but am thinking somebody should -- it wouldn't surprise me a bit to learn that every major flood, fire, earthquake, tsunami, cat fight, vehicular collision, structural collapse, Saturday night shooting, economic cataclysm, and/or schism in civilization in the entire history of the world has occurred under a full moon.
I'm making you a little proposition. You shoot down that smirking full moon and bring me the body and I will promise you -- anything! Of course, if there's a full moon at the time, I might not deliver on the promise, but you'll just have to play the odds there.
Meanwhile, perhaps the calming influence of a little offbeat music is in order.
We might as well torment a few blasfomys today while we're at it. Here's my take on them. What's yours?
embarisment - Consequences of appearing bare in public.
my firend - I think this is code for "my ass is on fire."
purebread dog - Rolling a dog in dough and trying to coax him into the oven; a felony in many states.
spay and newter - Something to do with the breeding of newts, I think.
woory - The art of wooing.
matabolism - Blood clots which occur in hyperactive matadors.