Of course, it's way too early, but I swear it feels like a full moon out. I had that migraine Monday. Tuesday was like Hell Day at the office. We had problems wrapped up in crises tied up with emergencies to deal with all day long. With a few phone calls and a little finagling, I finally got the last one of those all tidied up yesterday. I think.
And would you like to know how my day began yesterday? The dog peed on the floor and, while I was mopping that up, the power went out. That necessitated my having to position a flashlight and a few "push" lights that still had working batteries around the bathroom so I could get ready for work. Luckily, the power came back on after about half an hour, so I did get to see what I looked like before I left home. I'd have hated to be surprised when I got to the office. On the way to work, traffic was backed up in my neighborhood and it took forever to get to the intersection where I get onto the main road. When I got there, I found a barricade and "road closed" sign and had to detour. That added five or six minutes to my commute. Luckily, I had no real crises to deal with once I got to work.
Within minutes of my arriving home last evening, a humongous thunderstorm descended upon the valley. A lot of people lost power, but not me, neener-neener.
Today, I brought doughnuts for my co-workers. We damn well deserve a sugar high.
So, what I want to know from you today is:
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? (a) Genius - never pees on the floor; (b) average - pees outside more than inside; or (c) idiot - will grab every opportunity to pee on the floor instead of in the yard.
2. When was the last time your power went out?
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? If so, what is it?
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour?
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring?
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger?
Today's TWISTED LINGUISTICS blasfomys look like this:
defected microwave - Even ovens are leaving home these days in search of the American Dream.
very strick on there attendence policy - If you don't come in to that place, they'll strike you with a big stick.
greatess - High Priestess of Goodies.
woderful - Woefully good.
brake the law - Stop that cop!
huorous
America need an cleanerout
contageous
vola
farse
assinine
jepperdise
11 comments:
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? (b) average.
2. When was the last time your power went out? This week? Last night, briefly.
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? Yes. If so, what is it? Curse and light candles.
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour? Last weekend.
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring? Of course!
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger? Yes. I've started howling already.
And as for the blasfomys...
huorous - Dorothy's Auntie M is not a funny lady.
America need an cleanerout - true, but we'll take care of it in November. Of course, we're not likely to be much better off, but what are you gonna do?
contageous - you're it!
vola - REALLY New Coke?
farse - ridiculous, but at least a long way off.
assinine - stupid out the wazoo.
jepperdise - sorry, no clue on this one...
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? (a) Genius - never pees on the floor; (b) average - pees outside more than inside; or (c) idiot - will grab every opportunity to pee on the floor instead of in the yard.
C! I hate when my pet midget does that. I think he does that because I put his personal effects in that cupboard above the refrigerator and play the song “Short People” on the stereo all the time…
2. When was the last time your power went out?
When I was battling my super hero arch nemesis VA. He was inundating the world with bureaucracy and boring lectures. I was countering with nonsensical humor and drivel but he used a ‘focus re-emphasizer’ on me and diverted my attention thus voiding my power of humor and amusement while he bored people in a never ending meeting…
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? If so, what is it?
Should my powers go out again, I’ve left pre-written humor in key strategic places…what was I saying? See…he’s trying to do it again!
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour?
Anytime a tour last too long you ALWAYS have to detour just to get back to that safe place of normal. I’ve had tours that were WAAAY too long for any human to endure and it takes a really long detour to get back to reality. Detours always start with a soothing hot tub and nowhere that you have to go or nothing you have to listen to.
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring?
That’s the point! When you have to detour from a particularly grueling tour that you’ve been subjected to, you’ll get lost in the nothingness and tranquility of having to do nothing.
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger?
Boy, once the full moon hits 18, there’s no stopping it. Suddenly it can vote and be on its own!
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? Poor old Buster is gone a whole year now..but I recall he was a ggenius at training..he wassuch a good dog..oh no I miss him again ...
2. When was the last time your power went out? So far we've been good. It's almost time to look to teh East for swirling winds to take us down again. Hurricane Wilma we had no power for 10 (count 'em) 10 days!!
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? Yes. We have a generator and I have amassed a decent supply of those battery operated lightbulb lights..
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour? can't even recall
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring? nope..I don't think so..I like to follow those orange signs with the big black arrows.
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger? They're all flippin humdingers to me..
HUGS!!
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? I don't know how to classify Dinky. She was a 7 year-old foster. The peeing part was great. Totally trained to use the dog door. But the pooing? Oh my. She would lay it out right in front of my significant other's dresser. He's 6' 5" and needs glasses. His eyeballs were way away from the little turds. I'm sure you can imagine what happened. Big feet on the little poops. Unhappy man.
2. When was the last time your power went out? About a month ago.CA has glitches and offers no explanation. We hiccuped.
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? If so, what is it? We have battery backups for computer and battery lights, basic earthquake supplies.
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour? on vacation about 2 weeks ago
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring? no
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger? the usual Oakland mayhem.
1. How well did your pet do at potty training? - Better than average but not perfect.
2. When was the last time your power went out? - Long time ago. can't really remember. I'm spoiled.
3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? - Nope
4. When was the last time you had to take a detour? - Recently, but when you don't wander to far from home you already know where the detour is going.
5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring? - Not recently.
6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger? - Na, the moon is always full, you just can't see it most of the time.
LOL, Bilbo. Your #3 works pretty well for me, too. #6 - Just be careful out there. There are farses and volas on the prowl and you could get jepperdised. You came up with some terrific blasfomy explanations today.:-)
VE, you know I have to ask if your pet midget is, well, a gnome. Because if he is, I want to know where you got him and if he came with registration papers. #2 - that happens to you, too? In light of #4, #5 now makes perfect sense to me.:-)
Awww, Leelee, I remember when your Buster passed. I know you miss him. Good for you on #3 since it's now hurricane season again. #6 - amen, sistah! You can help me get the word out.:-)
I can't help laughing at your #1, CD. I've been there SO many times. I hope Dinky's better at picking her poo places now. #3 - earthquakes. Yikes! Quakes would scare me so bad I'D probably poo the floor. #6 - I gather it's always a full moon over Oakland. LOL.:-)
Hi, Mike, and welcome to the mix. #1 - doesn't sound too bad; could certainly be worse. #2 - I'm spoiled, too. I'm glad we don't have frequent outages because I purely do love my electrically powered creature comforts. #4 is true of most people. I, however, have gotten lost in my own neighborhood. God's truth. LOL. #6 - that scares me! The couple of nights a month I can actually see it wreak enough havoc.:-)
huorous - Wasn't he an Egyptian god or something?
America! Need an cleanerout? Just try new Extra-Strength Colon Blow!
contageous - How it passes from one graffiti artist to another: it's "conTAGeous"
vola - Like a viola, only smaller
farse - When your foot is really, really far up your arse
assinine - "When you assinine, you make an ASS out of I and NINE."
jepperdise - Jalapeno heaven; like Paradise only hotter.
1. How well did your pet do at potty training?
(d) Warped. He was trained when I got him (at 3) and only pees when I put him someplace he doesn't want to be. e.g. He wants to spend the day on my bed, I want him in the kitchen with a cushion and dog food (and tile, in case he pees). So, he pees. Same things happen on Saturdays... I walk him and then leave for 90 minutes to shop. When I come home, he's peed.
Our little vendetta.
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2. When was the last time your power went out?
One of those hurricanes that wasn't but might have been. 2006?
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3. Do you have a contingency plan for power outages? If so, what is it?
Go back to bed.
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4. When was the last time you had to take a detour?
Last Thansgiving, going to Pt St. Lucie.
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5. Have you ever gotten lost detouring?
You can get lost in Connecticut and drive for hours in circles and never see anything but trees. How does that happen in a state the size of a pocket handkerchief?
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6. Do you think the next full moon (the 18th, kids) is gearing up to be a humdinger?
Nah. No full moon has been a problem since I finished menopause. What do you think that means?
Greeny, darling, you are the Goddess of Blasfomy today. I bow before you in abject admiration of your wordly prowess. In fact, I'll even let you borrow my shoes.:)
LOL, Quid. But you love him anyway. We just ... do, inappropriate peeing and all. Of course, this rule applies ONLY to dogs (and small children).:-) Re #2, I remember when you had some pretty big hurricane problems but I'm not sure what year it was; sometime between '02 and '06. #3 works for me, except when I have to, you know, work. #6 - honey, what I think that means is that you're kidding yourself. Full moon madness NEVER ends!
*RING*
*RING*
..."Hello Condaleeza, This is Dubya. Hey some idiot dropped a deuce in the Lincoln Room john, and it's backing up!! No I havent been drinking...America need an cleanerout..Whats that guy's name that helped you after you had Mexican Fiesta Night??"
LOL, Galen. Now we know what an all-American cleanerout is. VE might want to add this tidbit to his Ex-Lax post.:-)
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