Monday, June 30, 2008

Do Not Call

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There's a guy in England who claims that his wife is sending him text messages from the grave. She's leaving no return number, of course, which makes it a trifle hard to verify one way or the other. Frank Jones's wife, Sadie, died unexpectedly five years ago from a heart attack at the age of 69. It seems that Sadie Jones was a cell phone addict and -- you guessed it -- they buried Sadie with her cell phone.

Now Mr. Jones, for whatever reason, believes Sadie is not only getting a signal six feet under, but that she's sending him text messages containing words only Sadie would say. With no return number or missed call alerts, Jones concludes that the messages are coming from his deceased wife.

As if that weren't creepy enough, it seems that Jones's house has a reputation of being haunted. They say it's inhabited by this, er, being called "The Thornton Thing," an entity which drove one family from the house in 1971. Allegedly,after the Jones family suffered hauntings as well, they had the house exorcised. Only after the untimely deaths of Jones's wife and son did he start receiving messages from beyond. Weird, huh?

So, let's examine this phenomenon a little bit. As all of us who use cell phones know, sometimes it's problematic getting a signal in the middle of the here and now. What plan is it that can get a call through from beyond? I want that plan! Do you suppose she had to sign a contract? And buy a separate texting plan? And what kind of phone was buried with Sadie? With what kind of battery? My phone dies deader than a doornail if it doesn't get a regular charging. Did they also bury a charger with her? If so, what is she plugging it into? Hopefully, there's a good backlight on her unit. It's dark down there, and I know I have to turn a light on to see what I'm dialing/thumbing in the dark, backlight notwithstanding. The article didn't say whether Mr. Jones texts his wife back. If he does, I would want to know whether she answers. And I'd like to know if there's a surcharge. If so, the charges on those really long distance back-and-forths have to have been been pretty expensive. Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, who's paying her phone bill?

So, what do you think? Is somebody yanking Mr. Jones's chain, or has Sadie found herself a truly out of this world cell phone and service plan?

I think I'd better amend my Do Not Call List entry. If I start getting calls and texts from dead telemarketers, there's going to be hell to pay. I also think some codicils to wills may be in order around my house, stating that all cell phones will be confiscated prior to burial. Enough is enough!

Speaking of weird, we have TWISTED LINGUISTICS blasfomys today.

maled - I suppose this must refer to boys being boys.

conoe - A very unseaworthy type of boat.

the moring paper - Directions to where you're going to park your boat.

i was pose to have free cheeking - Banks where they do very weird things for no monthly fee.

unmarrided - No spouse to ride your back.

maturnity - Women who look the other way and pay no attention to their children.

No ifence
diserting
coincedence
legnths
racsit
collosul
insustries
elseweare
werd
lukemia
apparrently
eyther
bith

14 comments:

VE said...

Hah! I wonder what the ring tone is....THRILLER? Do the dead use that obnoxious text abbreviation stuff? It would seem they have plenty of time to enter it in properly. How do the dead pay for their phone plans....in souls?

/t. said...

wow

excellent
detective work,
serena joy

or

Xlent detectv wrk SJ, to be brief

some good questions here

you might have subtitled this, for whom the cell tolls?

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Serena Joy said...

Excellent questions, VE -- to which I don't know the answers. Thriller sounds about right, though.:)

SJ's always on the job, /t., so to speak. I have to concede that your title is way better than mine.:)

Bilbo said...

Hmmm....

It's entirely possible that Mrs Jones is texting from the grave, but you may be able to tell from looking at Mr Jones' multi-page-loaded-with-off-the-wall-inexplicable-charges-and-fees bill. If you look, for instance, in the section titled "other services," somewhere between "Off-Network Roam" and "StandardILD" there may be something like a "GrtByndCnxFee." That would probably be a giveaway.

On to the blasfomys...

No ifence - Steve Jobs hasn't gotten around to designing perimeter security equipment, yet.

diserting - removing the mattress? Yes, it's lame, but it's the best I could think of.

coincedence - the act of yielding up one's numismatic collection, as after losing a bet.

legnths - what lisping ladies wear to keep their legs warm.

racsit - just another ass-backwards bigot.

collosul -

insustries - and if insus succeeds, it will all have been worth it.

elseweare - the clothes you put on when you are not at home?

werd - a noun used in some new and bizarre way by a nerd.

lukemia - what Mia's Italian grandfather told her when he wanted her to observe something.

apparrently - in a similar fashion to Jack Paar? Yuck. Even I don't like this one.

eyther - you say ether, I say eyther, let's just sleep it off, eh?

bith - a bath for both?

Bilbo said...

Oh, I missed "collosul." Didn't have anything for it anyhow. Sorry.

Serena Joy said...

I don't know, Bilbo. I think that rather than wade through all the cryptic codes the phone companies love to play with, I'd just rely on Mr. Jones's intuition. You did a great job with your "words" today.:)

Hale McKay said...

I read this with sarcastic amusement. Then I went back to the first sentence ... "There's a guy in England...."

This comes from a man in a land of peoples where their Scottish neighbors believe in a dinosaur, the Irish see little Leprechauns, who support the world's richest welfare family, and lost two warships and hundreds of sailors fighting over the almost useless Falkland Islands ... and peoples who cannot pronounce aluminum without adding an extra syllable ...

Yeah, I believe his claims.

I think he's been watching too many episodes of "Ghost Hunters," and are fans of John Edwards.

(Do you think maybe he's been reading my short story, Echoes of Eddie?

Serena Joy said...

What, Mike, you don't believe in dinosaurs and Little People? LOL. I think that Mr. Jones must at all costs be prohibited from reading "Eddie." Once he gets wind of that, God knows what Sadie might be up to next.:)

G-Man said...

I get text messages from Josef Stalin. He keeps texting..."I only murder 25 Million, NOT 50 Million!!
LOL..xox"...JS

That shit creeps me out...G

Serena Joy said...

Geez, Galen, you oughta change your number. That creeps me out, too. Yikes!:)

Corn Dog said...

Mistake #1 burying the cell phone with the dead wife. I think he is going to have to cancel his plan or at least reduce his minutes ...or something. How about he bury his cell phone with hers?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, CD. That could work.:)

snowelf said...

Now that is creepy!! Although I find hauntings and unexplained mysteries incredibly interesting, so of course, I'm fascinated. ;)

So cracking up at ve! Thriller! hahaha!!

--snow

Serena Joy said...

I love stories of the inexplicable, too, Snow. I've always thought "nothing is impossible," and I haven't changed my mind yet.:)