Monday, June 30, 2008
Do Not Call
There's a guy in England who claims that his wife is sending him text messages from the grave. She's leaving no return number, of course, which makes it a trifle hard to verify one way or the other. Frank Jones's wife, Sadie, died unexpectedly five years ago from a heart attack at the age of 69. It seems that Sadie Jones was a cell phone addict and -- you guessed it -- they buried Sadie with her cell phone.
Now Mr. Jones, for whatever reason, believes Sadie is not only getting a signal six feet under, but that she's sending him text messages containing words only Sadie would say. With no return number or missed call alerts, Jones concludes that the messages are coming from his deceased wife.
As if that weren't creepy enough, it seems that Jones's house has a reputation of being haunted. They say it's inhabited by this, er, being called "The Thornton Thing," an entity which drove one family from the house in 1971. Allegedly,after the Jones family suffered hauntings as well, they had the house exorcised. Only after the untimely deaths of Jones's wife and son did he start receiving messages from beyond. Weird, huh?
So, let's examine this phenomenon a little bit. As all of us who use cell phones know, sometimes it's problematic getting a signal in the middle of the here and now. What plan is it that can get a call through from beyond? I want that plan! Do you suppose she had to sign a contract? And buy a separate texting plan? And what kind of phone was buried with Sadie? With what kind of battery? My phone dies deader than a doornail if it doesn't get a regular charging. Did they also bury a charger with her? If so, what is she plugging it into? Hopefully, there's a good backlight on her unit. It's dark down there, and I know I have to turn a light on to see what I'm dialing/thumbing in the dark, backlight notwithstanding. The article didn't say whether Mr. Jones texts his wife back. If he does, I would want to know whether she answers. And I'd like to know if there's a surcharge. If so, the charges on those really long distance back-and-forths have to have been been pretty expensive. Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, who's paying her phone bill?
So, what do you think? Is somebody yanking Mr. Jones's chain, or has Sadie found herself a truly out of this world cell phone and service plan?
I think I'd better amend my Do Not Call List entry. If I start getting calls and texts from dead telemarketers, there's going to be hell to pay. I also think some codicils to wills may be in order around my house, stating that all cell phones will be confiscated prior to burial. Enough is enough!
Speaking of weird, we have TWISTED LINGUISTICS blasfomys today.
maled - I suppose this must refer to boys being boys.
conoe - A very unseaworthy type of boat.
the moring paper - Directions to where you're going to park your boat.
i was pose to have free cheeking - Banks where they do very weird things for no monthly fee.
unmarrided - No spouse to ride your back.
maturnity - Women who look the other way and pay no attention to their children.