Wednesday, April 30, 2008

MEME Me

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Meme Rules: You may answer the questions in the Comment box (in which case, please copy in the questions and supply the answers so readers won't have to go back to the post to see the questions), or you may port the meme to your blog and tag your readers if you wish.

**My Memes belong to me; however, all are welcome to use them. If you do, just provide a link back, please.


1. If you were a love song, would you be:
(a) Syrupy sweet
(b) Maudlin
(c) Cheerful and upbeat
(d) A tearjerker

2. Would you be:
(a) Slow
(b) Fast

3. You would be categorized as:
(a) Rock n' Roll
(b) Folk
(c) Country
(d) Soul

4. You should be sung by a:
(a) Male singer
(b) Female singer
(c) Karaoke singer

5. When people hear you, they'll want to:
(a) Dance
(b) Make out
(c) Fight

6. For years to come, you'll be played at:
(a) Proms
(b) Weddings
(c) Wakes
(d) Bar Mitzvahs
(e) Dive bars

Today's TWISTED LINGUISTICS comes courtesy of Rubber Corn Dog. It's a Craiglist ad for a limousine driver. I'd love to see the applications that came in. Anyway, here's the ad. Read it, and then give your interpretation of what it really is.


Apply only if knowelable, relyable,hard worker, for fulltime or parttime posision contact mark must have proff of DMV report no accendts or traffic volations.


The way I interpret it is, Mark is looking for a hit man. He wants to know that he can rely on his hired assasin and that he'll be able to complete the assignment. Poison is the preferred method of getting the job done, and he'd prefer that a chemistry professor with a driver's license apply for the job. The applicant should have no noticeable accent that would attract the attention of Homeland Security, and he should be even-tempered and not volatile and prone to incidents of road rage. This will keep traffic cops off his butt. If said applicant pulls this first job off satisfactorily, Mark will have plenty more regular work for him.

12 comments:

VE said...

1. If you were a love song, would you be:
(a) Syrupy sweet
(b) Maudlin
(c) Cheerful and upbeat
(d) A tearjerker

I’d be another kind of jerker. You can’t beat it. You end up syrupy sweet…

2. Would you be:
(a) Slow
(b) Fast

I’d be somewhere in between….slast

3. You would be categorized as:
(a) Rock n' Roll
(b) Folk
(c) Country
(d) Soul

Country+Rock = Crock, Country+Rap = Crap
I’d be Folk Rock….Fock!

4. You should be sung by a:
(a) Male singer
(b) Female singer
(c) Karaoke singer

I’d be instrumental…

5. When people hear you, they'll want to:
(a) Dance
(b) Make out
(c) Fight

Shout

6. For years to come, you'll be played at:
(a) Proms
(b) Weddings
(c) Wakes
(d) Bar Mitzvahs
(e) Dive bars
Prison interrogations

G-Man said...

1.Lovesong?..C. I think
2.I'd be BOTH!
3.I'd be Rock n' Roll Soul!
4.Should be sung by someone in the shower only!
5.Puke
6.SuperMarket Grand Openings


The ad is looking for someone that just got their drivers license that week, and has a least a 6th grade education..

xoxbgxox

Kanrei said...

Mark is not a name, it is a person. It is not capitalized. A "mark" is a target which goes along with your hitman theory. "Contact mark" I think is a code for the actual hit. Scary find.

1. If you were a love song, would you be:
(e)subtly ironic

2. Would you be:
(c) Slow with fast sounding lyrics

3. You would be categorized as:
(e) Showtune

4. You should be sung by a:
(d)a muppet

5. When people hear you, they'll want to:
(d)thank G-d they are not me

6. For years to come, you'll be played at:
(c) Wakes

Kanrei said...

Country+Rock = Crock, Country+Rap = Crap
I’d be Folk Rock….Fock!


BWAHAHAHAHA! VE made a funny. That is awesome!

Bilbo said...

I think the ad is only for a short-term position...it's obvious that the individual is only wanted for a brief spell...

Serena Joy said...

LOL @ your #1, VE. Are you talking about... Noooooo, of course you aren't.:D Hey, if you ever get a music player to work on your site, we can all hear your fock song.:)

Yeah, I think you'd be a "c" song, G. You definitely don't do maudlin. I doubt your #5 very much. Nobody would dare do that around you. Your assessment of the ad might be spot on but, dang, I'd want a better educated hit man who'd been driving for at least a month.:-)

You spotted something I didn't, Kan. I wasn't even thinking in terms of marks, though that's exactly what the intended target would be. So, you're a show tune sung by a Muppet? Yeah, I'd pay to see that. Do they let Muppets go to wakes, though?:-)

When you say "for a brief spell," Bilbo, are you interpreting the ad as looking for a voodoo shaman?:)

/t. said...

1. If you were a love song, would you be:
(e) Syrupy Maudlin and upbeat tearjerker

2. Would you be:
(c) Variable speed

3. You would be categorized as:
(e) RoFoCoSo!

4. You should be sung by a:
(d) Karaoke singing transvestite impersonator

5. When people hear you, they'll want to:
(d) Buy earplugs

6. For years to come, you'll be played at:
(f) Bowling alleys

hump day again -- happy!

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Serena Joy said...

The mic is yours, /t. Let's hear it! You know what? I was so busy today it didn't even dawn on me that it was hump day. Happy Happy!:)

Hale McKay said...

1)If I were a love song, I'd be: (c) cheerful and upbeat

2)Would you be (a)slow (b)fast: (a) slow

3)You would be categorized: (a)rock n' roll

4) You should be sung by a: (a)male singer - tenor

5When people hear you, they'll want to: (b)make out while dancing

6)For years to come, you'll be played at: (a)(b)(c)(d)(e) -all of them - and also on PBS oldies revivals; in elevators; on recordings sent into space on probes; theme to a chick flick; theme to a soap opera; ad theme for feminine products; ring tones

-Hey, if I were a song - I'd be the largest selling single of all time.

Why not?

Sling said...

1. If you were a love song, would you be:
A tearjerker

2. Would you be:
Slow

3. You would be categorized as:
Folk

4. You should be sung by a:
Female singer

5. When people hear you, they'll want to:
Make out

6. For years to come, you'll be played at:
Dive bars

Skunkfeathers said...

I'm about as 'love song' as a three-peckered goat in a ewe convent, but I'd definitely be played in a wake..or maybe the diviest of dive bars...

Serena Joy said...

Why not, indeed, Mike? I think you'll be a chart-topper.:)

My kind of music, Sling.:)

But Skunk, even goats in ewe convents need their special songs!:)