Monday, March 24, 2008
I love these! Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners were:
1. Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.): Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n): A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.): A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
And for our daily dose of Words Gone Wild brought to you by TWISTED LINGUISTICS:
disciminate - Disseminating discriminatory information.
freduce - Something freely deduced.
belive - Get up and quit playing dead.
assemilated - When one's buttocks are set on fire.
diesal - Fuel guaranteed to kill you.
disguard - Dis particular guard, as opposed to dat guard.