Friday, December 14, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
Did a dingo really eat that baby?

Dear Arf,
Woof. Miss Begotten has undertaken an extremely thorough due diligence in order to attempt to definitively answer your question. I donned safari jacket and pith helmet and ventured deep into the bush in pursuit of my quarry -- because I've heard that's where the dingos hang. Well. It appears that the farther one treks into the outback, the badder the dingos are. Some of them were wearing colors and I'm pretty sure one was toting an assault rifle. Finally, I found that which I went in search of -- the baddest of the bad, the dingiest of the dingos. And let me tell you, he was one bad hombre. After a brief stare-down and some ceremonial sniffing and huffing, I had a few words with him -- and showed him some teeth. I'm all right, or I will be once the antibiotics kick in and the stitches come out.

After weighing the evidence derived from my eye-to-eye with the chief suspect, the answer to your question is in all probability, YEAH, he did. Lesson: If you're going to the outback, get a babysitter.

Please don't ever ask me to go back there. Those scruffy puppies scared me.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why does evil exist?
- Trying To Be Good

Dear TTB Good,
The short answer is, because it can -- because it is, has always been, and will always be. The more in-depth answer might be because there must always exist an opposite to everything in order to achieve balance. Yin has to be Yanged. Actions require equal and opposite reactions. E = MC². Yada-yada. In other words, why are you asking me? Nevertheless, it does occur to me that if no evil existed, would not good lose its value? Yeah, you know you'd take it for granted and never pay good a second thought if it weren't walloped by evil every now and again. Wouldn't halos tarnish if there was no evil to counteract? Without evil stalking us, what would we use our good for? And what would we gossip about?

Nonetheless, Miss put the pith helmet back on and stomped off in quest of evil to get a first-hand look at it. My thinking was that if I could get at the very heart of the matter, surely I would have some sort of quasi-epiphany regarding the nature and properties of evil. Yes, I walked through the Valley of the Shadow, yada-yada. I have only one thing to say to you, TTB Good. Don't ever ask me to do that again! They don't MAKE enough holy water. There is truly a lot of evil in this world and it scares the crap out of me, never mind that it has a right and a duty to exist.

If you have a question you'd like answered next week, send it in. You never know.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS tried feeding these Words Gone Wild to evil dingos, but they tucked their tails and ran -- and left me with dingo barf to clean up.

accomedate - Unprotected speed dating.

dosent - He refuses to take the medicine.

somethink - The mindset necessary to comprehend Doublespeak, Newspeak, etc.

milita - A rag-tag band of badly trained, unarmed paramilitary guys.

On the 9th day of Christmas, your true love gave to you ___________. Now pretend that I'm blind and describe it in exquisite detail to me, please.


Anonymous said...

the 9th
day of Christmas,
your true love gave to you ...

... an unformed blob w/o color

it had all of the characteristics of a classic blob; being blobish & blob-like in its blobness; and the coloring was like nothing i have ever seen... in fact, like nothing at all... in fact, nada, none, nothing

only 1 more sleep until day 8!


Serena Joy said...

I'm not sure how true your love is, /t., to have given you a colorless, unformed blob. Did she say what it was for? If it's a piece of art, I guess it would be okay. If, on the other hand, it's just a blob, you might want to have a word with her.:) And let's hope she gives you something better tomorrow.

Anonymous said...


you may be right

what i really want is a baby... (and a dingo)


Charles said...

"[D]escribe it in exquisite detail to me, please" first:

It elicited pain and gnashing of teeth, loss and regret, it bothers me to this day, it was thoughtless and cruel, it was selfish and hurtful, it scarred and traumatized.

On the 9th day of Christmas, your true love gave to you betrayal.

Serena Joy said...

/t., honey, no. No, no, no! Babies and dingos don't mix. If you want to beget a babe, you're going to have to be getting that dingo out of there. Your true love wouldn't like that combination at all.:)

Oh, poor Charles! What a crappy 9th day present! Whoever gave you that ought to be tarred and feathered!:)

G-Man said...

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..A Big Box of Smiles!! The description of this is....Hey! Is this a trick question?
hehehehe..almost got me on that one!!!!

Miss Inquisitive
Stop snooping around the House..
Soon enough My Dear..


Serena Joy said...

Curses, Galen. Foiled again. I can't slip anything past you. Hmph. Well, you can tease me and taunt me, but you can't stop me from snooping. And vice versa!:-) Soon, boyo. Soon.

Mona said...

what is 'true love'?

Mona said...

I don't know any love I only know I love...

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Described in exquisite detail: It elicited pain and gnashing of teeth, loss and regret, it bothers me to this day, it was thoughtless and cruel, it was selfish and hurtful, it scarred and traumatized.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a dingo.

Serena Joy said...

Mona, Miss will give some thought to your "true love" question and attempt to answer it next week.:)

Greeny! Oh, my goodness, cutie pie. Your true love who gave you the dingo could at least have taken him to obedience training first.:)