Friday, November 16, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

Make your own clipart like this @
Dear Miss Begotten,
Is there such a thing as "Make-Up Sex?" Are there, indeed, sexual categories like "Angry Sex," "Mindless Sex," "Pretend Sex?" I really want to know.
- G-man

Dear G-man,
Yes, Yes, Yes, and Yes. Now you know. But let's probe a little deeper, shall we? Angry sex probably isn't such a good idea. If it doesn't go well, it could lead to the drawing of weapons and letting of blood. I mean, history bears that out. Just look at the exploits of Attila the Hun (Hun is NOT a term of endearment, by the way) or the Roman legionnaires or ... Vikings. And Xena Warrior Princess. That premise actually might be a turn-on to some folks, such as starving soldiers who haven't seen a member of the opposite sex for months and are just pissed off enough to do something about it. Personally, I'd avoid it.

On the other hand, make-up sex is usually a brilliant idea. In fact, I've heard that some people actually pick fights with their mates for the express purpose of it ultimately leading to some make-up sex. For that reason, one can only surmise that that's pretty hot. In that same vein, I would venture to guess that make-up sex could often be fairly mindless.

Pretend sex, though? I mean, are we talking about partners here, both pretending to have sex when they, in fact, are not? What is that?! Who would do that? Why would they do it? Or are we talking about solo sex? Same questions -- Who? What? When? Where? Why? And may I politely say, "Ick!" Now, if you're talking about pretend orgasms, I am advised that those do exist. Many women over the eons have claimed to fake it, and many men swear that their women have even when they haven't. Both claims are usually wielded as weapons. It's my personal opinion that if you have to fake it, it constitutes pretend sex, which is equivalent to mindless sex, which leads to angry sex, which in a perfect world might lead to make-up sex. But I'm just guessing. I'd confer with Dr. Ruth to try and get you a better answer, but she's no longer speaking to me.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why is it that small insignificant things [like flash fictions 55] become hyped as a rage and an addiction when it comes to competition or a rat's race?
- Mona

Dear Mona,
Inasmuch as I'm too long-winded to participate in Flash Fiction 55s, I'm not sure -- other than to say that competition is inherent in the human spirit. I don't think it matters what's at stake. People are simply conditioned (practically from the cradle) to compete, and they will try to win come hell or high water. If there's a prize at the end of the competition, then I suppose it could be said that there is a rage to succeed, a rage to win. Competition (a.k.a. rat race) can release endorphins in the body, which are technically a drug, so perhaps that's where the addiction factor comes in. And we all know drugs are bad for you.

Alas, I'm not aware of any programs or rehab facilities for competition junkies, so it's quite possible that the only help available for those who want to kick the habit would be TV personalities like Dr. Phil, Jerry Springer, Montel Williams, and Tyra Banks. Unfortunately, one might find oneself caught between a rock and a hard place when confronted on live television by other competition addicts ready, willing, and able to call you names, make you cry, and throw chairs at you.

If the hosts would at that point pass out attractively packaged doses of Prozac, some good might come of it. They normally don't, though. In fact, they're so cheap that they don't even offer Cheese Whiz snacks with some of those cute little umbrella drinks when they announce the dramatic results of the paternity test. They just want you to keep TALKING about it, even when you're lying prostrate on the stage covered in blood with a broken chair on top of you and a baby you didn't think was yours.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Inquiring cats would like to know, why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

- TC

Dear TC,
Hoochie-mama, what a question! The answer is quite simple, however. Glue needs Pixie Dust (not to be confused with certain types of mushrooms) to stick. No self-respecting Pixie would ever climb inside a glue bottle. Ergo, Pixies cannot apply their specially adhesive Dust to the glue until after it leaves the bottle. They really like it when small children (or large sloppy men) have smeared glue all over your living room. They tend to be very generous and sprinkle extra Dust on those joyous occasions. And they would like for it to be publicly announced that when your glue fails to stick, it's not their fault. They will, however, in exchange for better quality presents of shiny, sparkly stuff and a couple of heartfelt bows add the magic Dust to cheap glue after the fact and hope for the best.

**If you'd like to mystify Miss with a question, send it in.**

Today's Words Gone Wild defy TWISTED LINGUISTICS, defy the government, defy the laws of gravity, and defy definition. Some of them, I can guess at. The rest, I leave up to your expertise.

defintitely - How the shark wants his dorsal attached.

availabe - What Mary Lincoln said to her husband when she was feeling romantic.

contraversy - Against the poetry.

desing - Relieved of the ability to sing.

giref - A deformed giraffe.

These are all yours. Have at them.

fihally accapted
Sadam Husseim

I'm taking the weekend off, so have a wonderful weekend, kids.


Kanrei said...

diabeties- Placing a wager while on low blood sugar

pregant- a pregnant ant

knawing- a knightly gnawing

phlem- What Phileas Fogg spits up

peddaling- how you ride a bike made of flowers

Charles said...

diabeties - death wagering gamblers
exausted - getting the outside out
pregant - before gant
fihally accapted - made captain of the Giant's ally.
Sadam Husseim - apparently depressed, if perceived so
knawing - kchewing on a knife
phlem - brother of phlow and phil
peddaling - kicking Dale

What? No Rev. this weekend? No Jam? No fun.

Serena Joy said...

Kan and Charles, you're right on top of Words Gone Wild today. Good job!

Sorry, Charles, but yes, I'm taking the weekend off. Serena has a lot to do, and she's already tired.:)

Pink said...

ok i'm not hip. and maybe it hasn't hit europe yet. but what the hell is all this talk about ff55 about?

Serena Joy said...

Pink, a lot of bloggers participate in what's called 55 Flash Fiction Friday. It's a short piece of fiction composed of exactly 55 words. I don't write them myself, but Snowelf, Charles, and G-man do. You might want to click on the link to Charles's blog to see what we're talking about. He wrote a very good one today.

Serena Joy said...

Yikes, I left Mona off the list. Mona writes fabulous 55s.

Charles said...

Yes, she does, and her's today is one of those that just make you want to scream at the stupidity of some parents, then find a rusty knife...

G-Man said...

Dear Miss Begotten, can a Southern Belle, and a Damn Yankee, ever find love and happiness together? Would their ideology's stand in the way, or is passion enough to carry them through?

Have a great week-end...

Trée said...

Hey Ms Atwood, if you in the need to probe, well, as glove to hand, as well to spring, as nail to hammer, as primrose to my hand, I be got wat ye knead. :-D

MONA said...

I think you are so right about that! it must become an addiction because it has a drugging effect. & it does produce a high! Charles took a second peg this time ;D

Competition must be out of the cradle . I believe that too. I see some one year olds getting jealous !!

Serena Joy said...

G-man, rather than give you the short answer, I'll turn your question over to Miss and let her study on it and answer it next week. Okey-dokey? You have a great weekend, too, and ... Go Blue!

You raise some intriguing points, Tre'e. I knew that name was going to get me in trouble one of these days.:-)

Competition is a force to be reckoned with, Mona, that's for sure. And speaking of powerful forces, you produced one powerful 55 today.

Anonymous said...

diabeties - what zombies don't think of
exausted - spacial warps in a wasp nest
pregant - forgetting strategic alliances
fihally accapted - food for mandibled insects
Sadam Husseim - a woman's whim
knawing - without konscience
phlem - especially acidic nectar
peddaling - misspeeling
misspeeling - self evident to leches everywhere


Serena Joy said...

You're very good at defining my "words," /t. Although, misspeeling puts me in mind of Miss with a bad skin condition. Or, yes, under the spell of a lech.:)

puerileuwaite said...

I always thought "Make-Up Sex" was when you "got freaky" with Tammy Faye Bakker.

I stand corrected! I learn so much here!

Serena Joy said...

If you've learned something, Puggy, then I've done my job.:-) We'll be covering Tammy Faye under a whole 'nother topic.:)

Scary Monster said...

Me makes up sex alla time. Sometimes me be knawing at the Vixen's door in hopes to be making with a pregant, oops pageant then catch it all on phlem and peddaling it all over town....

G-Man said...

What Voodoo Have you? I am curious.
Serena so fair and mysterious.
You drive G-Man so crazy,
That his vision is hazy.
And he acts like he's lost and delerious!!

Have a great week-end, Mojo-Mama!!!

Sling said...

diabeties-how they used to secure diapers before safety pins,and tape

pregant- anything that occurs before ganting

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Scary. Good luck with that.:-)

G-man, you wrote me a limerick! Thank you, dahling. Mama-Mojo loves it.:)

Excellent definitions, Sling, especially the diaper one. Alas, we must still figure out what ganting is.:)

Jack K. said...

Is probing deeper a kind of sex?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Jack. Yes, I believe it is ... in some cultures.:-)

Anonymous said...

I once kissed a pixie and our tongues got stuck, that must be
Wonderful answer Miss Begotten.:)

Palm Springs Savant said...

that was a cute post. love the cat letter.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, TC. You have to be very careful when kissing Pixies. They say it takes lots of practice.:)

Thank you, Rick. I'm glad you enjoyed it.:)

G-Man said...

Relaxed and Serene
She did nothing this week-end!
Hose-Out more often!!

hehehe...Hoseku 4 U...


Serena Joy said...

Well, Galen, she did a leeeeetle something. But not THAT much.:-) You don't think we're a pair of hosers, do you?:) Hoseku for moi? Merci!