Friday, November 02, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
Do opposites really attract? And if they do, isn't that dangerous?
- G-man

Dear G-man,
Miss doesn't know. Until quite recently, Miss hasn't been attracted to anyone since roughly 1868. Miss is almost scared to even contemplate what the opposite of Miss would be. Moreover, Miss thinks everybody has the potential to be dangerous. Miss is, of course, cognizant that some people get off on danger. Miss says more power to them. Miss is, in fact, always looking for a nice cozy cave in which to hole up in case dangerous people with torches and pitchforks surround her, but she does have her special days when the dangerous people are the ones running for the caves when they see her coming. Like everything else, it's probably a matter of perspective.

What is Miss's opposite? Let's see. It would have to be a male, since Miss is a female. Or I suppose it could be a tranny, but let's not go there. He would be very tall and very big and burly. He couldn't have red hair and he'd have such a bad complexion that he'd wear masks in public. He would speak very loudly -- and very often -- and in a droning monotone. He'd be one of those guys who dress in all black all the time because it shows less dirt, and he wouldn't care what his shoes looked like. I suppose he'd have to be illiterate when it comes to the written word, or at least he won't have read a book since high school. He'd travel great distances on a frequent basis, and he'd pick a good physical fight with the natives from time to time -- just to show he da man. He'd have a very authoritarian manner and would just love to bark orders and exact his own brand of justice.

So, let's analyze this, G-man. "Opposites" being the criterion we're working with, I can only conclude after much deliberation that the polar opposite to whom I would be most wildly attracted would have to be ... Darth Vader.

And what do you suppose your complete opposite would be?

Dear Miss Begotten,
At what age do you figure you'll be too old to mess around and do all the misbegotten things you do?
- Youngish Turk

Dear Smarty Pants,
Approximately the year 2057. Comprende?

TWISTED LINGUISTICS ran these Words Gone Wild to ground.

peddle to the metal - Bike wreck caused by collision with a salesman.

waver of rights - Person standing on the right side of the road waving at traffic.

royalites - Fat-free kings and queens.

raeder - Vikings with radar guns.

vicitimized - What happens to people who undergo vivisection.

These have completely stumped me, so I'm leaving it up to you guys to figure out what they mean.


Remember the writing competition deadline I missed a week or so ago? I received notification yesterday that a spot has opened up and I have seven days within which to submit a novel. Yippee! Not that I have a chance in hell of winning, but ... yippee!


December/Stacia said...

Of course opposites attract, but keeping them together is a lot more difficult.

Roxan said...

According to Buffalo Bill:

It will imput the lotion on the skin.

Queenie said...

Is that like magnets??????
Me thinks you have a hell of a good chance.....

Serena Joy said...

So true, D/Stacia.:)

LOL, Roxan.:)

Thanks, Queenie.:)

VE said...

Deal Miss Begotten, you need a new poll on your blog. The two out there are quite old!

Anonymous said...


from the GI
side of GIGO

the question, serena, is this: can you write a novel in seven days?

wishing you luck,


Serena Joy said...

I know, VE. I've been a slacker. I'll think up a new one.:)

Good "imput" definition, /t. God, no, I can't write a novel in 7 days. I can't even write a NaNoMoWri in a month. No, the novel is finished. I just hadn't thought of entering it in a competition vs. subbing it out until the opportunity arose.:)

Charles said...

resuts- sut once more.
"That shop resuts the gizmos."
deseve- period after desafternoon. "I'll get to it deseve."
writeres- anagram for 'werestir' used in the summoning of a once a month bartender.
"Etib em, writeres."
excerzise- visual clue preceding punishment of the class clown.
practicising- prosaic judgment.
"His practicising lead to his murder."
imput- little devil's final stroke.

G-Man said...

Lets see...
Me Opposite

Male Female
Unkempt Stylish
Plodding Deliberate
Gray Red
No Talent very talented
Low-Tech High-Tech
Yankee Southern Belle
Large Slender
Rough Soft
Homely Beautiful

Uh Sherry...?
I hope you feel better Sweetie. And Congrats on the Amazon dealie..xobgxo

Serena Joy said...

LOL at your definitions, Charles. I think I get "resut," but -- what is a sut? Is that like an inept slut?:-)

Galen, I think I like your criteria for "opposites" better than mine. Using your parameters, I think your polar opposite would be -- Mary Poppins. Thank God "like attracts like" applies in more situations than "opposites attract." LOL.

I feel better than I did earlier, but still operating on about half power. Thank you, dahling.:)

Winters said...

Hello Miss B,

I will hazard these two definitions:

imput - a golf shot by a small person.

deseve - the legend on the cover of Desmond and Evelyn's wedding invitations.


Serena Joy said...

Thanks for tackling those tough definitions, Winters. Good job.:-)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Now I'm thinking of my opposite. He'd have to be a short fat guy, hairy, with brash overconfidence and a low IQ. He'd never laugh, he'd have a total Polyanna attitude, and he'd eat lots of red meat. He would hate all music but especially edgy pop.

I think my opposite is a Jawa.

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Greeny. I think you'd look cute on the arm of a Jawa, and he'd probably swoon at the very thought of such cute arm candy. I hear you can train those nasty personality traits out of them, after which they make pretty good companions.:-)

Camille Alexa said...

HEY! Congrats! If that's the one I'm thinking of, you have only 4,999 competitors and a shot at Penguin contract. Good luck, lady!

Serena Joy said...

Thanks, Camille. Yes, that's the one.