Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
Do opposites really attract? And if they do, isn't that dangerous?
- G-man

Dear G-man,
Miss doesn't know. Until quite recently, Miss hasn't been attracted to anyone since roughly 1868. Miss is almost scared to even contemplate what the opposite of Miss would be. Moreover, Miss thinks everybody has the potential to be dangerous. Miss is, of course, cognizant that some people get off on danger. Miss says more power to them. Miss is, in fact, always looking for a nice cozy cave in which to hole up in case dangerous people with torches and pitchforks surround her, but she does have her special days when the dangerous people are the ones running for the caves when they see her coming. Like everything else, it's probably a matter of perspective.

What is Miss's opposite? Let's see. It would have to be a male, since Miss is a female. Or I suppose it could be a tranny, but let's not go there. He would be very tall and very big and burly. He couldn't have red hair and he'd have such a bad complexion that he'd wear masks in public. He would speak very loudly -- and very often -- and in a droning monotone. He'd be one of those guys who dress in all black all the time because it shows less dirt, and he wouldn't care what his shoes looked like. I suppose he'd have to be illiterate when it comes to the written word, or at least he won't have read a book since high school. He'd travel great distances on a frequent basis, and he'd pick a good physical fight with the natives from time to time -- just to show he da man. He'd have a very authoritarian manner and would just love to bark orders and exact his own brand of justice.

So, let's analyze this, G-man. "Opposites" being the criterion we're working with, I can only conclude after much deliberation that the polar opposite to whom I would be most wildly attracted would have to be ... Darth Vader.

And what do you suppose your complete opposite would be?




Dear Miss Begotten,
At what age do you figure you'll be too old to mess around and do all the misbegotten things you do?
- Youngish Turk

Dear Smarty Pants,
Approximately the year 2057. Comprende?

TWISTED LINGUISTICS ran these Words Gone Wild to ground.

peddle to the metal - Bike wreck caused by collision with a salesman.

waver of rights - Person standing on the right side of the road waving at traffic.

royalites - Fat-free kings and queens.

raeder - Vikings with radar guns.

vicitimized - What happens to people who undergo vivisection.

These have completely stumped me, so I'm leaving it up to you guys to figure out what they mean.

resuts
deseve
writeres
excerzise
practicising
imput


Remember the writing competition deadline I missed a week or so ago? I received notification yesterday that a spot has opened up and I have seven days within which to submit a novel. Yippee! Not that I have a chance in hell of winning, but ... yippee!