Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Clucking Along

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Who can write about anything frivolous when there's a Chicken Revival going on? Oh, how hard it is to resist the temptation to flick a chick. How tempting it would be to throw caution to the wind, pluck a clucker, and chant a few words over the rattling bones (caveat: do not use live chickens for this). And while we're at it, we might as well put on some of the feathers, beat some drums around a midnight bonfire, and do a little conjuring. Fluck a duck. Eat your heart out, Colonel Sanders.

I'll bet you'd rather I lay off the chickens and talk about sex or something. I can't do that, though. Whatever would they think if I gave away all my secrets? The fact is, salvation through The Way of the Rubber Chicken (no sex allowed) will carry you only so far. Why don't we talk about Halloween instead?

I'd like to know who's planning to dress up in a costume this year. I'd like it even more if you'd take a picture and send it to me. I'm serious. Since I don't have any other theme going on this year, a gallery of costumed bloggers might be fun. If you're game, suit up and take a pic and add it to the mix. If there is a mix.

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road?
It had no guts.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
Halloweenies.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS deems today's Words Gone Wild randy and out of control and decided to crack the whip over them. Don't ask. Just go with it.

want a bees - Person with a bee fetish.

can hardley - A perversion seen only in the Arctic.

I should waite - Illiterate virgin.

tentively - Fumbling campground sex.

resened - Secret known only to dominatrixes.

aggreived - Unsatisfactory lovemaking on a farm.

greef - All oiled up and then disappointed.

oppion - Raunchy bunny sex.






There's a 16% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens


There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens.
But there's always hope for the future!


24 comments:

MONA said...

Yay! I'm First!

Chicken...OMG!...I have to cook so much that i don't think I can eat anymore for the rest of my life..Me too would like to lay off chicken & talk of whatever else that does not involve any chicken!

You people must have so much fun On Halloween! We do not have it here :(

Top cat said...

HUH?

Nope not dressing up or going to any parties..I'm not a big fan of Halloween.

I've had some strange things going on here, I was reading your post and it clicked off and I was back on mine and then I went in to take the test and it clicked off and I was back on your homepage..just what did you do with that chicken? lol

Kanrei said...

I am planning on the same costume I plan for every year- a Mormon on a bike. I only need a white short sleeved shirt, black tie, black pants (which I have)and a bike helmet (I need this and a LDS name tag. Can you imagine anything more scary knocking on your door?

Pictures guaranteed if I pull it off this year.

Chickens and sex huh? Something you want to share with the group maybe? Something we probably would rather not here perhaps?

Dear Miss Begotten,
If you have sex with a rubber chicken, do you still need to wear protection or does the chicken's rubber cover you both?

NO math this week +D

Serena Joy said...

Mona, the good news is that there are so many different ways to cook chicken. One can be creative with it. Voulez-vous poulet.:-) It's too bad you don't have Halloween there; it is a lot of fun. I like your new photo. Pretty!

The chicken's lips are sealed, TC, and so are mine, but that's a really weird thing you had happen. I have no idea why it did that. Halloween pranks starting early perhaps?:)

Great costume idea, Kan. You could do that one, and I could do "homeowner with a shotgun." We'll definitely have to do before and after pictures.:-) Nope, I don't have any little clucking thing to share.:-)

Miss B will (possibly) answer your question on Friday.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I have an 8% chance of having been abducted by aliens. Funny, given my overall skewed views, that the chance wasn't higher!

Did you hear the one about the skeleton who went to the bar?

Yeah, he said, "Bartender, bring me a beer...and a mop."

Serena Joy said...

Only 8%, Greeny? Wow, you are way normal. Love your skeleton joke.:-)

Charles said...

I'm going to go to Miami as Charles and scare the Mormon looking guy on the bike. }:>D>

There's a 16% Chance You've Been Abducted By Aliens
There's virtually no chance you've been abducted by aliens.
But there's always hope for the future!

This is getting embarrassing, I keep getting the same score as you.

VE said...

I'd send you a picture...but I'm too CHICKEN!

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Charles. Just be careful that Kan doesn't toss rubber chickens at you. Hey, don't be embarrassed about getting the same score. If I can take it, you can take it.:-)

Oh, goody, VE, are you going as a chicken? You'd BETTER send me a picture. Just keep it clean -- no poultry porn, please.:-)

Charles said...

I'll be lucky, if Kan doesn't have a chicken cannon. I can dodge the low speed ones.

Charles said...

or this one

Serena Joy said...

Chicken sites -- LMAO! I think Kan may have a small Chicken Chucker, but it shouldn't hurt you too bad. Chickens, BTW, make good bullets -- especially when frozen. And if they turn the tables on you, it's no big deal -- their aim sucks.:-)

Charles said...

You have just got to check out the powerpoint presentation pointed to by the chickenshooter.com link. Hahahaha.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, I will. I love to be amused by anything chicken.:-)

Charles said...

Another cannon.

Charles said...

NASA has the best one.
"Initial tests are done with subscale versions of the transparency at the University of Dayton Research Institute's impact physics lab. They fire gelatin-molded, artificial birds weighing four pounds apiece, out a compressed-air, 30-foot-barrel cannon, which can shoot at speeds up to 900 mph.

Three lasers and photodetectors measure the artificial chicken's velocity, while three cameras shoot the impact at 6,000 frames per second. Computers then create a 3-D, time-based deflection map of the strike and compare it to the computer simulation, which is usually very accurate.

After passing the institute's test, a validation trial is conducted at the Air Force Arnold Engineering Test Center, Tenn., using a real chicken. The Air Force buys commercial chickens, which are humanely destroyed before they're shot head-first, feathers and all, from the "rooster booster."

Serena Joy said...

You are on a roll here, dude. I must say I'd prefer that NASA stick to faux chickens in their tests. They probably don't fry so well after they've been subjected to the Rooster Booster.

Scary Monster said...

That Halloween is more than tree weeks away means that you might have to wait a bit fer the costume pic. Now iffin ya want some pictures of the Monster and various rubber and plastic toys that me could get to ya right away.

STOMP.

Serena Joy said...

By all means, Scary -- send me your scariest picture! And the toys, too.:)

G-Man said...

Serena....Frostbite?

There's a 100% chance, that I AM an Alien!!

Nanu Nanu....xoxox

Serena Joy said...

What, Galen, you think I'm in danger of getting frostbitten? It's pretty hot tonight; I'm probably more likely to get bitten by a vampire. 100% alien? Hmm. I'm going to have to think about that.:)
xoxo

Charles said...

What? Is Galen telling us he's a (gasp)Canadian? I'm thinking perhaps we should alert the INS and Homeland Security.

Charles said...

Oh and BTW, if it wasn't for the glass, you might be able to make chicken salad. Failing that there's always a little lamb to be had for lunch. :)

Serena Joy said...

Oh, perish the thought! This is a safe zone for all the little lambs of the world.:)