Miss's Mailbox

Dear Miss Begotten,
Just what you Be gettin?
xx
~Sassypants

Dear Sassypants,
Miss ain't talkin' 'bout that, you sassy thang. Miss might be gettin' herself a little extra chocolate -- which will mean she'd best be gotten her butt on an exercise mat. She may be gettin' a bit long in the tooth (not that she'd ever admit it). Could be she be gettin' a little sass here and yonder -- or a raise or a favor or a dividend. Miss's lips are sealed, though, so you just keep them pants on. Mmm-hmm, Miss know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. Some things be for Miss to know and y'all sassy little things to guess.

Dear Miss Begotten,
What does my answer for this week mean exactly besides I don't understand math?
~Kanrei

Dear Kanrei,
Strictly speaking, that would have been last week. It's a simple mistake for the mathematically challenged to make, so I'll cut you a little slack and admit right here in front of God and everybody that I have no earthly idea because -- there's math and formulae and space/time continuums and stuff involved. As much as it pains me to confess it, it's true -- Miss B is also mathematically challenged and is left up the proverbial creek with only your question for a paddle.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Do good things really happen for those who wait?

And do big bad burley biker dudes stand much of a chance of ever partying with a fiery redhead?
~G-man

Dear G-man,
Oh, yes, my dear; of course, they do! Depending on your patience quotient, of course. Assuming you have the patient fortitude to wait it out, the longer you wait for something good to happen, the better it's going to be if and when it ever does happen. Look at it this way: A down and out person -- we'll call him Ralph -- can spend his whole humpbacked life wallowing on the dirt floor of a hovel, rooting through Dumpsters three times a day for victuals, depending upon the kindness of strangers for coins to buy those precious few things not found in Dumpsters, yada-yada-yada. You get the bleak picture. And then one day, something good happens. Ralph finds a Tootsie-Roll Pop lying on the sidewalk in front of the overpriced corner store and it's in pristine condition. The wrapper is clean and, more importantly, intact -- which virtually ensures that that sucker's never been licked. It's not that big a deal to you or me, but Ralph swoons into practically a coma of joy because it's the best thing that's happened to him in 38 years. See, it's all relative. And relativity is a mathematical term, so I must cut this off right here.

As to your second question, well, wolves have been known to party with little girls wearing red hoods, so why not? Stranger things have happened. Just ask Horatio.

Dear Miss Begotten,
How much longer?
~Kanrei

Dear Kan,
Funny you should ask that. Metallica asked the very same question in the song "Loverman," originally recorded by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.

There's a devil waiting outside your door (How much longer?)
There's a devil waiting outside your door (How much longer?)
And he's bucking and braying and pawing at the floor (How much longer?)
And he's howling with pain, crawling up the walls (How much longer?)
There's a devil waiting outside your door (How much longer?)
And he's weak with evil and broken by the world (How much longer?)
And he's shouting your name and asking for more (How much longer?)
There's a devil waiting outside your door (How much longer?)

Perhaps you meant something else, though. How much longer before charges stick to OJ? Miss doesn't know. How much longer before the judge sends Phil Spector home? Not even God knows the answer to that at this point. How much longer before Miss gets smacked upside the head by an asteroid? Nobody knows. How much longer before the world ends? I suspect somebody out there knows, but it's not Miss. The more important question is, how much longer before you ask me another unanswerable question?


Here are today's Words Gone Wild coaxed from their hidey-holes and delivered to TWISTED LINGUISTICS for trial.

deosnt - Cut-rate brand of anti-perspirant.

where did u heard that? - LOL.

visuilise - One of the lesser Aztec gods.

poiting - Pouting while pointing the finger at someone else.

writiers - Unusually witty scribes.

we our not available - And thank God for that, because they were going to sing We Our Family.

And today's burnt offerings from that one and only "editor" person:-

particularily - Unfortunate result of a nasty run-in with a dangling participle.

magnifiientg singer - An enlarged Norwegian opera chanteuse.

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