According to a recent study, these foods promote good health and a longer life because they are rich in fiber. Apparently, fiber-rich foods make you feel full and hence prevent over-eating -- which we all know will kill you. Eventually. Apparently.
- Lentil beans
- Light popcorn
- Whole-grain cereals
- Whole-grain breads
Well. I am not eating artichokes or lentils. I hate popcorn (except once in a blue moon), and I avoid nuts because they give me a stomachache. I could go the rest of my life subsisting on pears, berries, and whole-grain cereals and breads, I suppose. If I had to. Or, I can say the hell with good health and die (relatively) young -- and well fed. Frankly, death might not be such a bad alternative when I think of giving up the likes of cheeseburgers, French fries, mashed potatoes, cheesecake, and ice cream.
It's a vast conspiracy, a cosmic joke on us that so many of the things we like best have the potential to hurt us, isn't it?
Fast food, the fast lane, fast cars, fast track, fast men/women -- stuff we love but which will kill us if it gets half a chance. It hardly seems fair. I don't really want to drop dead in my rocking chair knitting with a bowl of berries and a yucky lentil smoothie at my side. I've always heard it's best to kick off (reasonably) young and leave a decent looking cadaver. There might be something to that. God forbid I have to spend my Golden Years munching nuts and berries to stave off the Grim Reaper. I think I'd much rather lace up my orthopaedic boots and climb on the back of some cool geezer's motorcycle for a fast moonlit cruise on the highway to hell. I'm not wearing a helmet, either.
Obviously, I'm going to eat whatever the hell I feel like. Let the Reaper just come on and give me his best shot. There's a good chance I could plug his nostrils with beans and edamame and then choke him with dry popcorn. I think I could win that little contretemps. Yeah. Give me caffeine, nicotine, my choice of Dr. Feelgood, and sugar. I'll take my chances.
We have a case from hell that just keeps going and going. We thought we were nearing the finish line when (what else?) some new issue reared its ugly head yesterday. Boss says to me this morning:
He said: You thinking what I'm thinking?
She said: Probably.
He said: Cluster-fuck?
She said: Um. Yeah.
He said: If we lock the door and go home, do you think they'd hunt us down?
She said: Duh.
He said: Shit.
I work in a very articulate office. Archaeologists will study the writing on our walls some day, dig up our records, shake their heads, and say "Ug."
Twisted Linguistics stopped these Words Gone Wild in their tracks today before they could take any more indecent liberties with proper words.
sugestion - A hint of sugar.
possitive - Yes, the stick is blue and the possum is pregnant.
lassoo - Excited utterance by Irish lad spotting a girl. "Lass! Ooo!"
warend - Products designed for the posterior.
et all - Ate the whole thing.
You know what I should do? I should bring a bunch of my friends to the Townhouse of Poz and let them go on a rampage through your office. A bunch of 14-year-old boys who will go wild when they see Queen Betty of Poz. One of them is a computer geek who knows how to make your whole computer system crash. Another knows how to start a mass-burning of contracts. Another knows how to use the Imperius Curse to make you do anything we want. If you don't want any of this to happen, I would suggest you release all of my friends and close down your business and go live in the ghettoes. And would you grow some devil horns while you're at it?
He Who You Should Not Piss Off
Um, squeeeeeel. I'm scared. Not. Listen, we're impervious to 14-year-old boys. We have flying monkeys.
Chop-chop, now -- write us a book! As soon as we get it printed, we'll assign you an, um, editor to help you get ahold of your father's credit card and buy, buy, buy! Until you get us that Visa number, shoo -- we have no use for you.
Oh, and Queen Betty says oogedy-boogedy-boo!
Don't address me in such a tone. Your use of the word oogedy-boogedy-boo is inappropriate. What have you been smoking lately? You're insulting me. I may be young, but I have far more brains than you. Besides, one of my friends is HUGE. He could probably knock out Queen Betty's jaw, Craphead's nose, and King Billie's right eye. Flying monkeys? They are no match for my fire-breathing flying cobra sharks!
Don't worry, I have an idea for a book to write that I may choose to submit to you if I feel like it. But I'm sure as hell not going to sign your f***ing contract even if my life depended on it. No, I'll just print it with Lulu and call it Atlanta Nights Part 2. How's that, Mr. TWIT?
Still Smarter Than You
Yikes! Who knew?!
|You Are 34% Evil|
A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
How Evil Are You?