Monday, May 07, 2007

Missbegotten Braveheart

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Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut

I try to pay attention to the wisdom of that quote, along with the axiom, "Be careful what you wish for because sooner or later you'll get it." Never mind that oftentimes when I get what I (think I) want (wished for), it turns around and bites me in the ass. I don't know who wrote it, but I've also always subscribed to the maxim, "You are what you think you are." There have been times when I've been scrupulously mindful of that premise and times when it seeped right through the holes in the sieve of my brain.

I don't pretend to be anything I'm not, not with other people. I do try to fool myself every now and again. As much as I hate to admit it (especially to myself), I can be flabbergasted and sidetracked and misled. I'll tell myself I can handle anything. I can't; not always. I tell myself that nothing hurts me. Things do, sometimes. I'll tell myself I'm not scared when in truth all I want to do is run and hide under the bed. In bad times, I tell myself at least a dozen times a day that everything is just fine and dandy and I am copacetic with that, thank you very much. I'm not; not always. There's no rule saying I shouldn't continue giving myself pep talks, though. Why not shoot for thrilled, chilled, and amused instead of dazed and confused? Sometimes I get my head handed to me on a platter, which neither thrills nor amuses me. All in all, I think I'd like to be a full-blown grownup one of these days, unafraid of the denizens of the dark. Let the dust bunnies have the scary shadow spaces under the bed. It could happen.

Do you all know Boudreaux? I love that ol' Cajun. Y'all will, too.

Boudreaux wuz walking home late at night and see a woman in the shadows.

"Twenty dollar..." she whispers.

He'd never been wid a hooker befo', but he decide,what da hell, s'only twenty bucks. So dey hide in the bushes. Dey going "at it" for a minute or three or two when all of a sudden a light flashes on them . . it's a police officer.

"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer."

I'm makin' love wid my wife," Boudreaux answers indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."

"Well," Boudreaux says, "neither did I, 'til you shine dat light in her face".

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full mof - Some other version of the ... full monty?

poeple - Persons assigned to papal duties.

magnificient - Extra beneficent.

ailmenrts - Things that hurt men.

yor words - Speech from the days of yore.

hyave - Hi-fiving with a Hail Mary.

*All of today's Words Gone Wild are from the pen of our "editor for hire."


Aw, come on, Land of 1,000,000 TWITS. You didn't get my point? And hear I done wrote it in good Englesh and everthing. Hand my letter over to somebody their whose gone past 8th grade. They will get my point.

My Feelings is Hurt
Dear Whatever,

I would address this to Hurt Feelings, but alas, I don't know what feelings are.

Anyway to the point. Oh, that's right, there is no point. We are approaching 1,000,000 something or others and do not want to be bothered with you. Either order the book or cease to be.

Have a nice day!
Dear TWIT,

I hAvE yoUR LeAder. hE is alive AND wElL. I wANT my cOntrAcT resCindEd. You Are 2 PrePaRe a rEleaSe wIth no GAg clauses aNd nO fUnNy busInesS. YouR instruCtions arE to send It tO me viA CeRtifiEd mail. GO alOnE tO the pOsT OffiCe. You ArE beIng wAtched. MaIL it anD theN Wait 4 fUrtHer iNstrUctiOnS. iF the reLeaSE IS satiSfacTOry, youR lEadER will bE rEleasED uNharMed. HunGRy and bUg-eyed But uNharmed. If YOu faIl to fOllOw aLl instRuctIons i wIll hAve nO cHOice bUT 2 foRce Him To reAD All 17,000 Of YoUR bOOks. He Will Then bEG soMeonE to sHoOt hiM.

LITeraRy dEsPERadO
Dear Stupid Desperado,

Go on and shoot him. I've always wanted my very own helicopter.

Dear BB,

I'm telling him what you said. First, I have to put on my magic decoder ring. I don't want to miss any of the good cuss words he says about you. Do you even know how to fly a helicopter?

I Still Expect Somebody There to Meet My Demands

P.S. -- I just sent word to New Mexico re your whereabouts and activities. Just wait'll they hear that you conspired to shoot a man -- even a worthless one -- and steal a helicopter. Can you spell P-A-R-O-L-E V-I-O-L-A-T-I-O-N?
Dear Expect,

Gotta catch me first!


Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 81%

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is Very High

You've spent a lot of time introspecting, and it's really paid off.
You are comfortable with who you are, and you have a life philosophy that you are happy to live by.
And you're always re-evaluating what you believe. Because you learn something new about yourself each day!


Roxan said...

***Your Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 85%***

Your Intrapersonal Intelligence is Very High

You've spent a lot of time introspecting, and it's really paid off.
You are comfortable with who you are, and you have a life philosophy that you are happy to live by.
And you're always re-evaluating what you believe. Because you learn something new about yourself each day!

I gave up on wishing years ago. Gave me a pain in the neck looking up as I recited "Star light star bright, first star I see tonight".
Instead I just hope. It's easier. LOL

Kanrei said...

Being brave is not a lack of fear, but channeling the fear. It is smiling when you want to cry. It is moving forward when you want to hide under the bed. The only measure of success is the smile on your face in the mirror.
Me? I wish for nothing. Wishing takes the control to make something happen away from you and places it in some supernatural realm. I would rather want and find a way than to wish and wait.

I think I am back BTW =D. I typed this with no distress. Yay!

ThatGreenyFlower said...

My "intrapersonal intelligence score" was 98%. What the hell does that MEAN, though? I mean, when do I get my RAISE?

You, SJ, are just who you are. Plain and simple, fabulous and complex. You're you, and we love you that way.

Steve G said...

Serena, stop by if you get a chance. I posted some info about a chance to win an authgraphed novel by a nice lady in Hawaii.

Serena Joy said...

"Hope" can be a freakish hard proposition, too, Roxan. Maybe it's better to just let whatever's going to happen, happen.

Glad you're feeling back up to snuff, Kan. Hoping. Wishing. Mirrors. Who needs it? The good news is, you're young enough to outrun trouble. I have to bargain and try to make peace with it.:)

I don't even know what intrapersonal intelligence is, Greeny. I mean, I "know" what to do. I just rarely do it. True, I are who I are, yam what I yam. Jimmy Choos are fabulous. I'm just stumbling along from one day to the next. I might trip better with Jimmy Choos.

Thanks for the heads up, Steve. I'll do that.

Roxan said...

Hope is still safer. LOL

Kanrei said...

I am? Someone needs to remind my body that I am young. I try to tell it but it doesn't listen to me. Maybe it just cannot hear me over all the creaks and cracks.
(Did I spell "creak" right? It looks wrong to me)

Serena Joy said...

They said Corvairs were safe, too, Roxan. Maybe we oughta call Ralph Nader.

"Creak" is correct, Kan. Had you said "creek," I'd have thought you were sopping wet. You shouldn't be creaking yet. That would be me. Just wait 'til I take on two big fat moons next month. I doubt I'll live through it.:)

tfg said...

I don't pretend to be anything I'm not, not with other people.

Timely, as always. There is little that's more disappointing than getting to know someone and realizing that much of their personality is an act. Particularly when you start looking at the things that they're trying to cover up.

Serena Joy said...

What you poor people see with me, T, is pretty much what you get. I will say that I'm not normally this damned schizoid, practically laying my soul bare. That's a hell of a good way to get the damn thing flayed.

littlebirdblue said...

Remember Margaret Atwood's 6-word story?

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.

Serena Joy said...

Yeah. Like that. I need to get that tattooed on my forehead -- with no anesthetic. LOL.

Serena Joy said...

P.S. to Littlebird -- I have a bone to pick with Ms. Atwood. I've had this name (SJ) since 1998 or 1999 in an old Yahoo group. I'd never heard of Serena Joy at the time I picked it, and now that I know what a weirdo Atwood's SJ is, it kind of gives me the creeps. I seem to be stuck with it, though.:)

Hale McKay said...

"I pretended to be someone I was not to impress others. I became that person and now others pretend not to know me."

That is paraphrased and I don't remember who said it, but if they don't claim it soon - it's mine.

Serena Joy said...

I haven't seen that before, Mike, so I think you can go ahead and claim it for yourself. If anybody gives you any grief over it, just smack 'em.:)

Corn Dog said...

66%. Poop. I am indecision herself.

Serena Joy said...

Don't beat yourself up, CD. Indecision is not a bad thing. Sometimes it's better to remain indecisive than to leap without looking and bust your butt.

Scary Monster said...

If wishes were horses....

Me gots determination and goals. Me may not achieve them, but me be having a helluva good time tryin to.
Me never did understand those who would rather wait fer the good stuff to happen instead of facing and fighting the fears, doldrums and angst of failure to finally realize that it ain't reaching the goal it's the effort you put into it that makes life sweet.


Serena Joy said...

Excellent points, Scary mon. I'd rather waltz than wither, that's for sure.

G-Man said...

Wishes and dreams are a great diversion from the grips of reality...Hows it going Serena Joy?

Liz said...

I do try and pretend that I'm something I'm not with other people. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.

Serena Joy said...

Hey, g-man. I can't complain. Well, I could but I swore it off. How YOU? True words of wisdom you speak this morning.:)

Serena Joy said...

I guess I do, too, Liz. I mean, sometimes I try to pretend I'm not a raving loon. I don't think I'm fooling anyone.:)