I'm living the
- I still have (half) a job in these hard times.
- I can still afford gas for my Smurfmobile.
- I get a lesson in humility approximately every fifth Wednesday. Sometimes they take, sometimes not.
- I've never been to prison. But I never say never -- though I'll bet Paris Hilton did. Speaking of whom (albeit I think I vowed not to speak of her but sometimes I don't keep promises), who do you suppose will hawk the first "Liberate Paris" tee-shirt?
- How do we know we're not all committing half a dozen crimes and misdemeanors every day? They write new laws all the time but don't bother telling us about most of them. Is it even still legal to talk on a cell phone while walking on the street in pink shoes?
- I can loll about languishing in lethargy better than anyone else I know -- and enjoy doing it.
- By the same token, I can waste more time than any other human I know -- and relish doing it.
- Is the plural of dumbass dumbassii?
- My piercings are discreet, and if I have a tattoo, you'll never see it.
- My dog adores me and my kid tolerates me. That's not so bad.
- My siblings and my parents still speak to me.
- I'm stubborn enough to never have to do anything I really, really don't want to do.
- Alas, I am also stupid enough to have fallen for a couple of scams. In fact, sometimes I'm too gullible to live. In some societies, I'd have been executed decades ago.
I find the above of particular interest because they all come from a person who bills him/herself as a "professional editor" -- meaning, for money. Would you pay for that?
dinking - Popping somebody upside the head, gently, so they don't notice it too much.
psuedonym - Pssst -- I'm going to sue 'da nympho.
thermometor - Red-hot projectile from space, not quite a meteor but bad enough.
I do not like your automated phone answering system. At all. The options are:
If you have a royalty question, press 1
If you have a contractual question, press 2
If you hate your cover, press 3
If you have an editing problem, press 4
If you want to bash us, press 5
If you dislike us, press 6
If you want to shut us down, press 7
If you want to file legal proceedings against us, press 8
If you think you're sexy, press 9
If you are calling about all of the options provided, please press 11.
Bwhahahahahaha! Listen, I'm sorry, but there's no eleven on my phone. What do I do?
Don't nobody never anser my leeters but that don't stop me. I keep writting because you no whut it is good practice for when I am a certiflied writter. Now this is not to say I am going to get my certiflicayshun from you because you know and I know that ain't not never going to happen. But it keeps my skeels sharp do you know what I mean? So hear is why I am writting to you today.
I have gotted another one of them their lettres of yourn trying to sell me back my own books only this time you seems to think I might by 60 just so I can get a discount and a mini royaltie. Pu-leeze! My credit cards has all been confriscated. I ain't got no job becasue I got farred for trying to sell your companys books to my cooworkers. I'm living in a microwave box under a bridge like some dam troll. Its true my box is in the Red Lite district and I could maybe earn enuff ever nite for a Big Mac and frys only I got no close, no teethbrush, no hairbrush, no deoderent, no nothing. I'd be a hard sell you know what I mean? Almost as hard as your dam books. What I am saying to you is that I can't by no more books so please stop sending me these sells pitches before I start loosing my mine and forgets how to writ and ends up in a tomb somewhere with a steak thorough my hart.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Sincerely flat broke,
And your point is? As if we care!
1,000,000 and counting
Check your fortune today. You never know, it may have changed since last time you checked.
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