Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hell Moon

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I woke up in Hell this morning, surrounded by... Oh, no, wait. That was but a dream. It was only Purgatory where I awoke. Or maybe it was one of those big, flat, scary states where they have freaky-deak storms that do bizarre things to houses, girls, and dogs. Not that some nasty little twits don't deserve to have houses dropped on them. I could probably guide a pretty good sized house to Twit Central. I do have ruby shoes, you know.

I'll be glad to see the dark side of this double-whammy moon. It'll be good to face facts and breathe a sigh of relief at the back end of a few other things as well. Who needs it? What was, was. Some things aren't real, more's the pity. It's always nice to know that up front and, when you don't, it sucks. News Flash: There are those who will lie and cheat. Who knew?! Maybe we should all write sticky notes to ourselves: "Dear Self, Don't make agreements, open mail, take calls, or sign contracts anywhere near the full moon. You'll just end up screwing yourself." Some things just are what they are, fleeting and ephemeral. Some things just make you shake your head and say, "What?!" And now they were, not are. Which is perfectly fine. (I hope my hair doesn't spontaneously combust.)


Wane on, evil orb,
Luminous ball of senseless
Lunacy. Be gone!







Woman in Full Throes of Moon Mania


Tomorrow, God willing and the creek don't rise, the senses might will clear and reason will prevail. Tomorrow things might start getting back to normal. 'Til next time. They ought to make these volatile full moons further apart -- and keep 'em in the swamps.

Tomorrow, all the twits who so annoy me can go back to doing whatever it is that twits do best and I'll go back to doing whatever I can make some sense of.

Tomorrow, I might actually be able to concentrate on something productive, assuming one of those hell-twits don't sneak in and steal my ruby shoes during the night.

By the way, Blogger has some evil hoodoo full moon possession going on, too. I keep saving stuff only to have it vanished by the next time I call it up for an edit. The first time I added some pictures to this post, when I went to "Save" it, it confirmed that it was saved ... to an old post. I went to said old post to get my pictures back, and they weren't there. God knows where they actually went. If they turn up on any of your blogs, just put them in a cab and send them home. Unless you're a damned twit, in which case you can...

Oh, and did I mention my demon infested printer? If it jams on me one more time this morning, it's going out the window. For real. And if my boss says anything about it, he goes out, too.


Today's Charm Pointer

Q. Is passive-aggressive behavior totally uncalled for?
A. In you, no. It's perfectly fine. If it's your husband, however, it's grounds for divorce.

ImageChef.com - Create custom images
plagarism - When they plague you to the brink of death.

flase claims - People who complain of being harassed by fake sheep.

integretiy - In the Great Vowel Debate -- A, E, I, O, and U, and sometimes Y.

imsanely - How a crazed Imam rants.

has went to pot - Overheard from an author who's been abusing the bong.

the publishing faze - Meaning "Sticks and stones... My publisher don't scare me none."

Beach codes - ImageChef.com
Dear TWIT,

Well I guess you are an idiot if you think I am won.... What do you mean send you money? The scam -- er, ad, says YOU pay ME money to sell your dumbass diet book.... What, do I have to buy the books from you frist? What happens if I don't sell any do I get stuck with the crappy books and out my money that I paid? Boy you must think I am pretty dum.... I am definately devistated by your inferination.... That is just grose.... I guess I am a pretty rabid seller though.... I know how to just keep irritating people till they says yes.... Send me 100 please....

Sincerely,
Can-Do Salesgirl
_________________
Dear Can-do,

I am so pleased to meet your aquaintence. However, I am required to tell you not to take that tone with us. The ad is what it is. Are you so pathetic that you cannot read it? Of course you purchase the books, and fine books they are, from us and then you are totally free to resell them for whatever price you can squeeze out of your suckers....um no, I mean your customers and every penny of THAT profit IS YOURS TO KEEP because we've already got ours.So send that money! Christmas is coming and so is the next payment on the helicopter.

Insincerely yours,
AST
___________________
Dear AST TWIT,

You met my... How quaint!

Please cancel my order for calling me a sucker. I don't need a profit that bad. I'm going off to search for a prophet instead. Oh, and P.S., I ain't paying for no helicopter. I don't mind footing the bill for your prison meals, but no helicopters. Got it?

Sincerely,
So Jaded

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream

Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun.
You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things.
You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it!

You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream.




So, who and where is my Vanilla Ice Cream? I'd like it now, please.

16 comments:

Corn Dog said...

Sorry to hear about your twit full moon attraction. I have the same problems. If it's not one of my family members, it's some loon I never met. Liars. Weirdness. Cheats and Cons. And at times my parents were leading the pack. They're dead now so someone else feels they have to take over. I'd be shocked if I had a run on normalcy. At least I know what to expect. My dear departed mom told me one time "You attract this sort of thing."

Roxan said...

The quiz is flawed. It kept coming up chocolate chip. I am NOT chocolate chip. Maybe chocolate chip and green onion with a dash of prozac. Certainly not plain chocolate chip.

Corn Dog said...

Roxan, I agree. I could not do the quiz because answers were not there for me. My fav ice cream is in a cone walking down the street. I have become the believe in The Quiz but today, alas, it was flawed.

Serena Joy said...

Gack, CD. Twits. A pox on them. The only thing that can save me now is some rock 'n roll music and a cabana boy wearing coconut oil and bearing plenty of booze. Good God, your mother must have been in communication with mine.

Blame it on the moon, Roxan. And share the friggin' Prozac.

tfg said...

Passive-agressive behavior is one of my pet peeves. I much prefer aggressive behavior. If someone thinks I'm a prick, I'd rather hear about it.

Serena Joy said...

I don't like passive-aggressive, either, T. If somebody has something to say, I prefer that they just say it rather than beating around the bush and playing guessing games. I don't think you're a prick. I wouldn't be going to the prom with you if I did.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Holy crap, AGAIN Roxan and I are the same! I came out chocolate chip and green onion with a dash of Prozac!

...Ok, just kidding. I'm actually turtle ripple eyeball crunch with Valium jimmies.

Hale McKay said...

Interesting month - two full moons and a blue moon on the 31st!

Serena Joy said...

I have the jimmies, Greeny. Give me your Valiums. Please.

Good God, Mike! Clearly, I'm going to have to leave the country next month. I can't deal with that. Oh, but wait -- they'll have the moons there, too, won't they? Crap.

MXI said...

Chocolate Chip

You are kind, popular, and generous.
You tend to be successful at anything you try.
A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd.

You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream.

You sure came down hard on us twits today!

MXI said...

Chocolate Chip

You are kind, popular, and generous.
You tend to be successful at anything you try.
A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd.

You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream.

You sure came down hard on us twits today!

Serena Joy said...

Sorry, MXI, I don't exactly think you qualify for the Twit Patrol. LOL.

Lee said...

It is glorious here tonight with the full moon...it's like daylight outside....everything is silvery...and as clear and bright as can be.

littlebirdblue said...

***You Are Strawberry Ice Cream***


A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.
You often find yourself on the outside looking in.
Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.

You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.
_______________________________

HA HA HAH HAH HA ha...haha. Hehe. He. That's funny. At least I've got tons of chocolate chippers around here to be compatible with.

littlebirdblue said...

Sorry. I was laughing so hard I forgot to tell you how much I enjoyed the line, Wane on, evil orb.

Serena Joy said...

Laugh on, chocolate
Chips, Safe from evil moon rays
Which curdle our cream.

I was in a mood yesterday. Indigo. I haven't looked in the mirror yet this morning, but I think the churlish shrew is gone. If not, I'm going to stomp her butt and run her out of town.