Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Thrill Is Gone


The Chippendale Dancers at their 30th reunion. The thrill is definitely gone.


The thrill is gone
The thrill is gone away
The thrill is gone baby
The thrill is gone away
You know you done me wrong, baby
And you'll be sorry someday.


("The Thrill Is Gone," B. B. King)

Yeah, I think they were saying exactly what I thought they were saying, when I said that, wherever I said it. Whatever. Sometimes when one person is all happy-happy yuck-yuck, it just means somebody else got the shaft. You win some, you lose some. But ... the thrill is gone.

What the hell, though. Bite me. I'm going to the freakin' prom. And I'm sitting at the damned Prom Death Table -- where, if anybody messes with me, I'll be in the right place to take care of business. That thrill ain't goin' nowhere.

My ancient wind-up Timex finally gave out. I loathe friggin' battery-powered watches. I am hell on batteries and seem to have a knack for killing them dead in record time. They don't seem to make wind-up watches any more. I'm going to miss that faithful Timex. The thrill is gone.

Things come, and things go -- or break down, rot, become obsolete, give you grief, sue you, cheat you, get lost, fall apart... Damn it all, doesn't it just suck when the thrill is gone? Yeah, bay-bee.

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yesturday - Think about it -- and you'll realize that this is not a word to use in polite company.

Sanquine - San Quentin alumni.


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Dear TWIT,

Hellloooooo, up there! I done writ to you coupla days ago and you has not resplonded. Should I assume you agree with my position? Goody!

I'm scheduling a book signing -- you know, for that book that your slow in returning the cotnract to me? -- here at the home next week. Don't worry, you don't have to send no books. I got me a whole carton what I bought when I was raving sycotick. (I'm better now.)

I'm having billboards put up out on the road billing you as both publisher and sponsor of this here event. I'm not taking my meds that day. God knows what will happen. I'm sure you will here about it.

Sincerely,
Slightly Less Nuts Today, Thank You Very Much
_________________________
Dear TWIT,

Nobody never did answer me about whether you'd return a contract to a poor certifliable incontinent person. Meaning me. So let me aks you this. Would you sponser me to go on the Heraldo Riviera show about my book and your company and your bidness practises? He's that french reporter you know. Right me back and tell me if you will go my plain fair and even better if you want to go on the show with me. I think it will be grate fun for him to ask us both questions don't you? I won't have to rehearse my ansers and get them vetted by a attorney but I know you will so be sure and let me know soon so I can tell Heraldo.

Sincerely Not Yours,
Gonna Be A Star
_________________________
Dear Star:

Your language shows your idiocy. Geraldo Rivera is not interested in listening to you whine. We at PutridAsshats will not dignify this with a response.

Your contract is still firmly in place, in fact, your request has extended your contract by three additonal years. You will never be free from us, don't you and your cohorts get that?

Sincerely,
Don't Care About Authors Team
__________________________
Dear TWIT,

Hi how are you? I am fine.

I wanted to tell you sumthing. I have joined a cult. I know I said I didn't like being brainwashed and gagging on Kool-Aid and runned away from you cult but this is a better cult. And you know what? They are some pretty nice cult peoples and they told me to tell you they coming soon to kick your butt and put the feear of God in you and send you kicking and whinning to hell. Are you skeered? You better be. We got whine -- I mean wine. {{burp}} When we have had enough we are coming. Be ready. Oh yeah, as if. You got nothin'. We're gonna stick a appel in your porky leader's mouth and make him cry wee-wee-wee all the way home.

Love,
Little Runaway


Your Inner Color is Orange

Your Personality: A total daredevil, you'll try any thrill. You're easily bored and you prefer to be on the go.

You in Love: You see love as an adventure, and you find most men dull. You need someone who challenges you!

Your Career: Your ideal job is flexible, fun, and maybe a little dangerous. You have the makings of a private investigator or extreme athlete.


Yeah, right, I'm going to be the next extreme athlete. Dumbfuck quizzes.

19 comments:

Roxan said...

***Your Inner Color is Yellow***


Your Personality: Life's too short not to have fun. Your bright energy brings joy and laughter to those around you.

You in Love: A total flirt, you need a lot of freedom to play. But you'll be loyal to that one person who makes you feel safe.

Your Career: You love variety in a job, and you probably won't stick with one career. You would make a great professor, writer, or actor.

Just call me Professor of Gruesome Writing.

I could have gone my entire life without seeing the "Chippendale Chunks". Thanks for nothing. LOL

Corn Dog said...

Your Inner Color is Blue
I'm blue. Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

I love the Prom Death Table. Hilarious. I looked online last night for my dress. I found some starched deal with turkeys all over it. That one is the best so far. I just poured some Jack Daniels in the punch.

Serena Joy said...

You're welcome, Roxan. Don't I always give you something you could have gone the rest of your life without? LOL.

Corn Dog, let me know about the turkey dress. If you don't take it, I want it. How do you suppose your Jack Daniel's will affect the Mad Dawg I already poured in the punch?:)

Roxan said...

If anyone does need a dress for the prom I have found some, uh, lovely specimens at uglydress.com

Serena Joy said...

Holy moly, Roxan. You just made the choice a whole lot harder. If I opt out of the turkey dress, I'm looking hard at the Tinkerbelle Special.

Roxan said...

If that one doesn't work for you, I also found the condom dress on the same site.

http://www.uglydress.com/condomdress.html

Seeley deBorn said...

Purple: (glad it's on the inside, I'd never wear it out)

Your Personality: You're a dreamer and visionary. You believe you were put on this earth to do something great.

You in Love: You're very passionate but often too busy for love. You need a partner who sees your vision and adopts it as their own.

Your Career: You need a job that helps you make a difference. You have a bright future as a guru, politician, teacher, or musician.

That's me: the guru of smut.

Serena Joy said...

I've seen that dress, Roxan, and I ain't wearing it. It's butt ugly. The condoms have holes in them, too.

Hey, that's nothing to sneeze at, Seeley. Everybody needs a guru of smut.:)

Roxan said...

We'll keep ahold of it just incase some quasi-plagiarist type shows up. It would be a fitting outfit for her. LOL

Serena Joy said...

I wouldn't waste good condoms (okay, holey condoms) on that one, Roxan. Remember the Baby Bitch Rule -- just slap it aside. LOL.

Roxan said...

I whole-heartly agree with the slap, but we should at least be able to point and laugh. LOL

Serena Joy said...

I got no problem with pointing and laughing. If you need to know how to do so correctly, I will be doing Charm School here tomorrow.

And you know, if we fuck up the punch so bad we have to resort to chugging straight liquor, we can force-feed the punch to BB.:)

tfg said...

I use nothing but Holy Condoms. I have each and every one of them blessed before use.

Serena Joy said...

Well, bless me, you have to dance with me all night.:)

cathy said...

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart.

You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone.

Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor

WHAT ABOUT THOSE CHIPPENDALES!!
Now they resemble the furniture, but they aren't as pretty!!!

Corn Dog said...

I just drank the punch. I am blind.

puerileuwaite said...

Did the Thrill even leave a note? If not: how inconsiderate. Feelings that just live for the moment are untrustworthy, and we are better off without them. Malaise would never pull that crap.

Steve G said...

30 year reunion. That's a funny one.

Serena Joy said...

I know what you mean, Cathy. Overstuffed furniture is comfy, but that's a bit too overstuffed.

I thought the picture was hilarious, too, Steve.

CD, you weren't supposed to drink the punch yet. But hold on, one of the witch doctors for the crows is already in town. I think he can help you out.

Puggy, Thrill eloped with Malaise. They left a note, but I can't print it in public.