Sunday, April 22, 2007

Round Here

Round here we're carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here she's slipping through my hands.

Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mama's little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning.


(Round Here, Counting Crows)


It's been a long, surreal week 'round here, with a lot of (too much) stuff to take in and assimilate and try to make sense of -- the good and the bad, the stupid and the shocking, the happy and the sad, the tragic and the indefensible. It's been a time for reflection, for introspection, for reexamination. You process it as best you can, do whatever it takes to keep it in a quiet place through the looking glass that lets you make it through the night and, if you're smart, you learn something from it and keep things moving along.

Sometimes things happen that cause us to question who we are and what we're about. Maybe even why we are. When we can answer those questions with a modicum of intelligence and a glimmer of understanding, we're probably going to be okay. When such questions are grounds for an epiphany, the discomfort they might have caused is perhaps worth it.

Is there any guarantee that we stop doing dumb things after we're dead? If I can't be assured that I won't stumble stupidly all over myself on some other plane, then I'm staying on this one, thank you very much. I'd rather see the the moon and the sun and the stars and feel the earth beneath my feet while I'm being eaten up with dumb.

I can say I'm not going to do that again. I can promise that I won't say such a thing again. I can swear that I won't go down that path again. But I probably will. (The stupid, ubiquitous) They say you live and learn. They never tell you how long it takes.

I got a piece of mail from my erstwhile publisher yesterday that threw me for a loop. At first, I laughed at the sheer outrageous effrontery of it. Then I got angry and spent some time contemplating what, if anything, I should do about it. And then I had a short cry, because sometimes that's the only way to get rid of that mounting bank of pressure that builds up during the course of sensory overload. And then I started laughing again, which is as it should be. Somebody will have the last laugh, and I do believe it will be me. Getting mixed up with that outfit was just one more entry in an unbelievably long litany of stupid things I've done in my life. Maybe some day I'll learn. Probably not, but it's a nice, optimistic thought.

ImageChef.com - Create custom images
nuclear perliferation - Guide for the Apocalypse put out at the behest of the people who plan to ration out life.

reccommend - Reconnaissance on the mending factory as suggested by the general.

solicitating - I don't know WTF that is. It's probably something salacious.

Graffic - Explicit graffiti.

challanging - Nice people do not challang. Ever.


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Dear PPT:

It wasn't hard to figure out your lousy company would sign someone like Anna Nicole Smith. She is about as big an idiot as you people are. As far as your email announcement, don't bother sending it to me. I won't be buying any books from the Asshat Brigade! As to apologizing to Jamie Farr, I think it's you who need to do the apologizing. You took a well known celebrity and made him look like an idiot. I'm sure you'd like people to believe he didn't read his contract either, but I'm betting he did and didn't understand it any better than we did. So, take your tone and stick it where the sun don't shine, I'm through with your ilk!

Sincerely,
Enlightened
___________________
Dear Most UNenlightened One,

Gal, take a pill!
Chill!
Apologize to the man.
Say you're sorry to me
Or your book's in the can
With no royalty.

Such drama! Such an escapade!
You call this tone?
Girl, I ain't made
You pay yet and cry and groan.

Mr. Farr is da man
Anna's our next big one
I know that you can
Learn to love 'em both a ton.

We'll send you what we please
And you'll read it with glee
You're such a tease
Oh, tee-hee-hee.

I'll tell you what will stick
Where the sun don't shine
It's your royalty check, you hick
It'll be mine, all mine.

I'll be expecting your apology in my inbox first thing in the morning, girlie. Have a nice day!

P. Twitty Bett in
Bad Zobmi Poetry Mode
____________________
Dear P. Twitty:

You've just proven how seriously insane you are! I hate poetry, don't ever read it. Don't ever assault my brain with this crap again!

Go play with Anna Nicole and leave me the hell alone!

Sincerely,
Not Effing Kidding!
____________________
Dear Effing,

Apparently, you were raised by wolves. No well brought up young lady would ever address her betters in such a tone. I see what your problem is: you are poetry dyslexic. In order to round out your introduction to refined culture, may I suggest that you go immediately to the Putrid bookstore and purchase a selection of poetry books.

And speaking of well rounded, I've already played with Anna Nicole -- it was a requirement of our accepting her ms -- and liked her just fine. Hubba-hubba!

You should be very careful, my dear, about calling me or my flunkies insane. Do you see the yellow dot in the lower right-hand corner of your screen? Drink your Kool-Aid and then watch the dot, dear. Stare at it. Contemplate it. Be one with it. You're getting very sleepy, aren't you, dear? And when you awake, you will write me a courteous, concilliatory letter -- in verse.

Sincerely,
Billie-Willie Wonks 'Em
_____________________
Dear Willie,

To quote a recent Hurricane Katrina victim to Vice President Cheney, "Go f*ck yourself."

I don't drink Kool-Aid and I won't be staring at any of your dots. Why don't you give yourself a Kool-Aid enema? Then sit and stare at your own dot.

Sincerely,
Dot Girl



So, who needs a new start?

Your Life is 56% Off Track

Right now, you're taking things one day at a time.
Some things are going well, but you can't help but wonder if you're getting the most out of life.
It's time for you to slow down and reflect a little. You can change your life - but it's up to you!

18 comments:

JL4 said...

Ohhhhhh...we're supposed to LEARN while we live?

I must have missed the e-mail on that one, cuz I feel like I get dumber every day.

MXI said...

62% off track.

Trying to learn from mistakes is like gambling, we think maybe it will turn out different this time.

At least that's my excuse why I keep doing the same dumb things.

Roxan said...

***Your Life is 63% Off Track***


If you're honest with yourself, you have to admit that you often feel like you're living the wrong life.
It's a pretty easy conclusion to come to - because it seems like not a lot is going right.
Consider finding a life coach or mentor. You need some encouragement in turning your life around.

Oh hell, I just need money. May not make me happy, but if it lets me move to a better place to be miserable, that's certainly worth it. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Well, you know what they say about a day without dumb. If ever a day passes when I haven't done something that qualifies, I jab myself hard to make sure I'm still breathing. I know, J; I AM a goofball.

Maybe that's my problem, MXI. I've always sucked at gambling.:)

They're recommending you get a "life coach," Roxan? LMAO! Misery purely sucks. Anything you can do to avoid it, I'm all for it.

tfg said...

That's one advantage to getting older, the daily stupidity grows less stupid. Probably, because we know where certain roads will lead because we've already been burned by traversing them in our youth.

Oddly and appropriately enough, I find myself at one of those forks this very afternoon.

Serena Joy said...

Forks in the road can be darn scary, T. Good luck. I hope you choose the right fork. Maybe we'd all be better off to just take up knitting.

Little Lamb said...

Round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows.

Serena Joy said...

Hello, my fluffy little friend. Don't go round & round too fast. You'll get dizzy. Dizzy lambs are not happy lambs.:)

leelee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leelee said...

all those tears, dicussions analyzations, realizations..phone calls, emails, career choices, parents meetings,seminars, blogs, journals... must have paid off cuz your surveys says:

I am only 9% off track with my life..

JHC...thank god..FINALLY!!!!
;-)

(KNOCK WOOD)

Serena Joy said...

Heh. Looks like Leelee's the mental health queen today.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Well, not to be all Pollyanna and shit, but apparently my life is 8% off track. That's probably because I don't have a publisher. ;)

Serena Joy said...

Damn, Pollyanna! I want to know what kind of secret rituals you people are doing to get these low percentages on the screwed up life scale.

I don't have a new publisher, either, and a bunch of us are sitting around having a circle lament about why we can't even get a simple freakin' NO out of so many agents/pubs.

Corn Dog said...

Your Life is 25% Off Track
In general, your life is going very well.
You're quite happy with where you are and what you're doing.
And even if you get a bit off course, you're usually able to get back on track easily.

A BIT OFF COURSE???? I think there was problem with ze little quiz or else I was lying. Not sure.

Sorry to hear about your publisher problems. I have a .38 you can borrow, right after I use it.

Lee said...

I think now you must be feeling really great, Serena...you blew off the cobwebs...don't beat upon yourself so harshly...we're all guilty of folly...sometimes me more than anyone! ;)

Serena Joy said...

25% is still pretty daggone mentally sound, Corn Dog. Yeah, keep the .38 warm. You never know. LOL.

Don't worry, Lee. I make self think hard and shape up when indicated, but I wouldn't beat her. Much.

Scary Monster said...

Oh Great! Just great. You went and made me think. Now me poor wittle bwain gonna be keeping me awake twying to learn how NOT to make mistakes.

Baby Me be 404. All the way!
STUMPED!

Serena Joy said...

Don't worry, Scary. It'll only hurt a little bit.