Sunday, April 15, 2007

Ring My Bell


You can ring my bell, anytime, any place
Ring it, ring it, ring it, ring it

You can ring my bell
Ring my bell
You can ring my bell
Ring my bell

You can ring my...
Anytime baby
You can ring my...



News Bulletin From a (Former) Technophobe: I accidentally found out yesterday that I can e-mail from my cell phone. How about that! I had no idea. Of course, I've only recently learned how to text message. Like anything else, when you gotta do it, you figure it out real quick and just do it -- or risk looking like a moron. That's how I learned how to drive a stick shift. Don't ask.

I've always known, of course, that there are all kinds of tiny little buttons on my phone that must do all sorts of nifty things. I haven't pushed them, because I just didn't want to know. Every time I buy a new phone, I tell them, "Give me a generic, no frills phone. I'm not flying it to the moon and I don't want the bells and whistles. I don't need any more headaches."

All I've really ever wanted a cell phone for was so I could (1) call and beg for help if I get a flat tire or (2) call and scream for help if I run into a serial killer on a deserted back road at night. I don't even have voice mail on my cell phone. I always figured if the phone is off (or busy), they can reach me some other way. I don't much like talking on the phone, anyway. Thus, this is a real epiphany to discover that I actually like the bells and whistles -- and making that baby ding, ring, and chime to suit my mood. Now I'm seriously thinking about getting a phone with even more options. Maybe I'll get a BlackBerry.


Make Visual Poetry - ImageChef.com
overdramitize - A melodramatic two-drams-over-the-line overdose.

knelt at the alter - Sybil on her knees.

publsiher - A printing company which would be a perfect match for certain authors.

reguard - A bodyguard who flubs up his assignment and has to do it again.

witch there was no reason - No one saw the invisible crone or knows why the beguilement occurred.

people has smeared me - Um, did they have to stand in line?

sits in your crawl - Yup, sitting still and crawling both jerk a knot in my craw.

You haven't even wrote a book - I know! I wanna be like YOU and written books when I grow up.

straigtht - How the center line looks to a lisper.

pendulom - I just can't get this one. The first person to define it, I will kiss you. Right on the lips.

ImageChef.com - Create custom images
Dear PSP,

You have pecked the wrong day to fluck with me yew stipid TWIT. I am plenty pissed off all reddy. I am as made as a wet hen. An let me tell you sumthing that is one sorry site too sea. Hens our some nasty dam thangs and when they wet they horrorifying.

I will wait to thee last day and if I don't not git my muny do I will come up thar an make you're live mizereble. Do you read me lowd and kleer you mizerly contimpabel dum cluk?

Sincerely,
Punk ME, you TWIT
______________________
Dear Punk Me:

I was unaware we had any Scottish Putrid Asshole authors. How nice to know our scam is working on an international level.

As to your royalties question, we have decided that your royalties will be one of those we do not pay due to your illegal harassment. If you continue to send us these ridiculous emails you can expect your local authorities to come to your home and confiscate your computer.

Sincerely,
Pissed Off Publisher
______________________
Dear POP TWIT,

I am the friggin' QUEEN of Scotland, ye dorfin' lout. If you ever read your own pubic message broads, you'd know that!

You will forward me in a timely manner me earnings or I shall know the reason why. And send it in pounds sterling; no cheques.

Oh, I'm shivering me timbers at the thought of the local constabulary paying me a visit. Why, even my wee bairn is shivering. Ha! Send him on. I shall give him a bit of a nudge right over the precipice into the Loch. That would be Loch Ness. 'Twill be curtains for that constable, and a right tasty morsel for Nessie. Why don't YOU come, and your masters? Knock ye on yer curdled arses, I will. Stipid TWITs.

Sincerely,
Too Punked to Puke
_____________________
Dear TWIT,

Hellll-ooooo! Is anybody home in there? Have you people been arrested? On the run from the law? Left town to start a new scam? Nobody answers the phone, nobody answers e-mail. Nobody can even get any TONE out of you. Hellll-ooooo!!

Sincerely,
Need an Editor NOW
_____________________
Dear NOW,

Oh, we're didn't realize you were addressing us. We don't accept tone letters, we only send them.

Sincerely,
No Editors Here



Are you ruled by your Id, Ego, or Superego?



You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life.
You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones.
But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does.
You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

24 comments:

Roxan said...

Whoever made up this quiz is clueless. I'm taking my "super ego" and I'm going home. Stupid putz quiz. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Okay, Roxan, what's the deal? Fess up -- what did it call you?:)

Rain said...

I have never text messaged and I don't know how. My son told me that I should learn so I can continue to be a "cool mom".lol.

I took the test and I am a Superego.

I love your Twit letters, thanks!

JL4 said...

Ego...or perhaps it said E-O-G, which we all know means, eccentric, obtuse, gomer.

Never mind...I'm sure it was Ego.

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Rain, I guess we all have to learn this stuff so we can be "cool moms." LOL. Glad you're enjoying the TWIT.

JL4, I think it was Goober who had that obtuse problem. Ego is good. Well, of course, it is -- it's what I got.:)

tfg said...

I held out and didn't get a cell phone until 3 years ago. Now, I can't imagine not having it. I think I use it for texting more than talking.

Roxan said...

***You Are the Super Ego***


While some people may think first and act later... you often don't act at all.
You rather be safe than sorry, and you take ethics pretty seriously.
Like everyone, you have some pretty crazy desires. But unlike everyone, you restrain yourself.
You have high standards for your own behavior. And you happily exceed them.

The part that I restrain myself is so wrong. High standards of my own behavior?? WTF?
I so have to go have one of my character kill something.

Roxan said...

Characters. I made an error, now my super ego is deeply depressed, but I shall restrain myself.

Serena Joy said...

I know what you mean, TFG. It's one of those things that, once you get it, you can't live without it.

I so have to go have one of my character kill something.

Oh, God, Roxan -- this is going to be extra bloody, isn't it? LOL.

now my super ego is deeply depressed, but I shall restrain myself.i

Join the club.

JuJu Martini said...

Super Ego

"While some people may think first and act later... you often don't act at all.
You rather be safe than sorry, and you take ethics pretty seriously.
Like everyone, you have some pretty crazy desires. But unlike everyone, you restrain yourself.
You have high standards for your own behavior. And you happily exceed them."

I didn't see that shit coming! I may ACT one way, but my thoughts are something else entirely! I used to be anti-cell phone, but once you learn all the fun things, well, it's FUN! I can do without text messaging though.

Oh yeah, and I'm dropping by because it's been far too long, hope all is well with you.

Miss you,
JuJu

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Miss JuJu! Where in the world have you been, girl? I hope you're well and back in circulation. It's great to see you out and about.

Scary Monster said...

Surprisingly Me Be Id. Maybe that just be short for idiot.

Iffin Me phone has wheels it could win the Daytona 500. This things got so many functions that the boys on Apollo 13 could have used it and avoided the whole drama.

The only problem is that the instruction book be written in Japanese so me be always playing with the buttons, but not getting the right response. Kinda like Me marriage.

Stomp till ya drop!

Serena Joy said...

You're one savvy little monster with a healthy Id, Scary. No idiot be you. You know, American spouses come with owner's manuals written in Sanskrit. It must be a conspiracy.:)

Corn Dog said...

Super Ego. Putz Quiz.

My husband replaced my consistently second hand cell phone with one that has a camera in it. Now everyone is at risk. I'm taking shots of people all over the place. They don't flinch either. Apparently holding up a cell phone is no indication you are taking a picture, whereas when I use my camera I have had several offers from people to break my camera.

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Corn Dog, you callin' my quizzes putzs? Reckon it's a good thing I didn't make y'all do the panties one. LOL.

Last time I replaced my phone, they tried to make me take one with a camera. They seemed to have thought I was slightly insane for refusing to have one. I get really nervous when people aim their phones at me these days, especially if it's some pervert looking guy. I'd hate to make people nervous doing the same thing myself. Not that I look like some pervert guy.

leelee said...

I am apparently a Super Ego:

Like everyone, you have some pretty crazy desires. But unlike everyone, you restrain yourself.
You have high standards for your own behavior. And you happily exceed them.


verrrrrrrrrry interesting

Serena Joy said...

That IS interesting, Leelee. I have a few standards left but not so much restraint.:)

Hale McKay said...

No one wanted you to kiss them?

Far be it for me to pass up on a chance for some osculation!

Pendulom - the sometimes rapid, sometimes slow swinging motion of a pen in the one's fingers over a blank piece of paper; as opposed to a pendulum which swings in a precise measured movement as in clocks.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I'm a freakin' super-ego? Yeah, whatever. I notice that the vast majority of commenters on your blog also test as super-egos. What does that say about your blog? Hmm...

I can't text, and I can't afford to e-mail...I'm so slow I'd probably run up a huge bill just figuring out how. I can safely and comfortably say that I don't know the full capability of my cell phone.

Oh, and the TWIT stuff? Makes me long to copy and paste and send to...well, someone. Rah, Rah, SJ!!!

Lee said...

Ring! Ring! Ding-a-Ling! I no longer have a cell/mobile phone. I have no use for one. I hate the phone enough as it is! Cringe when I hear it ring, most times. And I only make calls when absolutely necessary.

cathy said...

love the skull.
What's a cell phone? LOL.

Serena Joy said...

Nary a one, Mike. Pucker up.:)

What does that say about my blog, Greeny? I'm afraid it means it's freakin' nuts. If you can find someone really freaky-scary to report TWIT to, go for it. LOL.

LOL, Lee and Cathy.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

P.S. Love the new photo!

Serena Joy said...

Why, thank you so much, Greeny.