Monday, April 16, 2007

Blown Away



With the freakish storm going on last night, it was a bumpy night around here. The rain has finally stopped, but the wind kept waking me up during the night, and not only because it was tossing my porch furniture around like Tinkertoys. It was the wind's howling itself that kept jolting me straight up. That, and the fire department going out all night long. It's still blowing something fierce, so I don't even need to tell you that there was no point at all in doing anything with my hair this morning. By the time I got to work, I looked like the love child of Don King and some wild barbarian warrior woman in full battle mode. I'm not sure even Super Glue could have held against this devil wind. It ripped the flag flying from my porch, too. I hate that. It was one of my favorites -- magnolia blossoms.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Chinese proverb



ImageChef.com - Create custom images

people of Hispanic decent - The people of Spain are good.

bonified answers - Answers you are sure of down deep in your bones.

stragidy - It's a tragedy that the strategy didn't work.

accpets - What someone allergic to animals says when he walks into a house where there are animals.

people with bog names - Swamp trolls.


ImageChef.com - Create custom images

Dear NOD,

Finally! Somebody breathing. Or ... are you a computer? So, anyhow, listen, can I get a spell-check? My pruffs are done and ready for that editorializing yall do. You know, the spell-check? Sometime this century?

Sincerely,
Spell Me NOW
______________________
Dear NOW,

We do not have spell check. We do not have editors. We do not accept tone or phone calls or walk in visitors. All we accept is your check for your book. If you are not sending us a check, we do not hear you.

Sincerely,
Friendly AuthorSupport Team
______________________
Dear FAST,

Yeah? Well, hear this: (see obscene photo)

So, let me get this straight, you FAST thieves. All the hype on your Web site about line by line editing, one-on-one working relationships with real live editors, is all lies? There's not really even a spell-checker?

Well, I'm not sending you any money. I'll be sending you a subpoena instead. Put that in Billy's helloclopper and fly it.

Sincerely,
WiseassAuthor
_____________________
Dear Wiseass,

I'm sorry. Did you say something?

Haha-we've-got-your-book-for-seven-years-and-there's- nothing-you-can-do-about-it Publishing
_____________________
Dear TWIT,

I recieverd my royality check today and I just have one questiion. WTF?! This check is for 17-1/2 cents. WTF bought half a book?!

Thank you for your nonassistance.

Sincerely,
WTF?!
_____________________
Dear Fukked,

Do not take that tone with us.

We will expect your apology for your tone and for you being such a sorry promoter of your sorry book. You did read what your editor thought of your book, right?

AST



Are you running on adrenaline?


You Are Running on 61% Adrenaline

Your Adrenaline Level: Borderline Dangerous

You're running around so fast, you don't realize how quickly life is passing you by.
While you may be getting a lot done, you're on the go lifestyle is probably wearing you out.

17 comments:

Kanrei said...

Weird weather here as well. I woke up this morning to 60. 60 in Florida! Wind blowing and humidity gone- I am not that sure I woke up in the same state I laid down in to be perfectly honest. I really hope you publish a troll-doll photo of you. A white, red-headed Don King sounds rather cool actually.

Seeley deBorn said...

68% Adrenaline!!

Actually, right now that's probably accurate.

Roxan said...

Mine says 64%. I actually feel rather mellow.
The troll's hair is bugging me. Someone doesn't know how to fix troll hair. I do. You twist the hair tight, then pop the troll on the bottom of its feet. LOL

Kanrei said...

I twist Troll hair into five dreads- North, South, East, West, and Up.

Serena Joy said...

Did you have to grab a coat this morning,Kan? That's pretty chilly for FL, although I did hear from another Floridian that it was around 38 where they were. It's like I said -- the weather's weird all over.

I can see I've started something with the hair. I will expect Roxan & Kan ASAP to do my dreads for me. I will otherwise be unable to continue living. From now on, it's troll dreads or die; action figure to follow.

I'm not surprised, Seeley, with everything you have going on. Just remember to breathe.

tfg said...

I looked like the love child of Don King and some wild barbarian warrior woman in full battle mode.

That sounds kind of hot. You didn't happen to take any pictures, did you?

Serena Joy said...

It's on the left, T. You didn't see it? LMAO!

Mayden's Voyage said...

LOL!
The love child of Don King :)
You are just too funny :)

It WAS a devil wind- we've had it too...and I must have looked out the window 30 times to see if a tree had fallen on my house~

ThatGreenyFlower said...

66% adrenaline...though I would have sworn it was just caffeine.

And with such pretty sleek hair, no way could you have looked like Don King/brave Warrior Woman offspring! You probably looked all windswept and dewy or something. You're fab fab fab, SJ. Don't forget it!!! ;)

Serena Joy said...

You know what I'm talking about then, Cora. I was worried about falling trees, too. It's practically a miracle that there were only a few downed limbs. It's still blowing here, but it doesn't seem to be as strong.

Greeny, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between caffeine and adrenaline.

Dewey? Me? Bless your heart, child -- you are too, too kind. I just hope I'll know how to accessorize my new dreads. LOL.

Hale McKay said...

The streets around here were an obstacle course, what with the fallen tree limbs, power and cable lines, and flooded streets.

An Easter bunny from our yard on a stake was found 3 blocks away in a row of hedges.

We are supposed to be getting more rain, more high winds, and New Moon astronmically high tides through late Wednesday.

I think the ground hog should seek new employment.

P.S. I pray you were unaffected by the terrible tragedy at Virginia Tech.

Serena Joy said...

The heck with new employment, Mike. I think we ought to run that furry, lying rodent out of town on a rail.

I haven't been personally affected by the Tech tragedy -- as far as I know, anyway. No list of victims has been released yet. It's been a long, horrifying, surreal day for the whole community, though, and that affects us all on so many levels.

Corn Dog said...

I always laugh when I read "Don't take that tone with us."

I have some hair glue I bought at Aurora's Beauty Salon up on the corner by my house. It works wonders. It takes some getting used to though.

Corn Dog said...

20% running on adrenaline. Umm sounds like I need some crack or coke or tweek some twop or whatever the drug is. I'm in slo mo.

JL4 said...

I'm personally appalled at the word Hispanic.

Why...oh why...do we keep slighting women. This is TOTALLY sexist, and I propose we now quantify them HISpanics, and HERspanics.

It's only fair ya know.

Serena Joy said...

Your wish is my command.

¿Dice usted HERespaƱol?

Serena Joy said...

Corn Dog, do not take up crack. They say it'll rot your ears off. Personally, I wouldn't mind having a crack at the hair glue. I laugh at TONE every time I see it, too. Which was a lot, because they use it in EVERY damn nasty e-mail. LOL.