The news footage coming out of Blacksburg was as stunning as it was unfathomable. The wind was gusting and snowflakes were swirling in the wake of a freak spring storm blowing through the pastoral setting. There should have been crowds of bundled up students bustling en route to and from classes. Instead, we saw against the mountainous background surreal images of SWAT teams and police officers in helmets and flak jackets with guns and dogs. We saw blood on the sidewalks. We saw shaky cell phone videos of the scene taken by frightened students from where they sheltered, with the staccato sounds of gunshots echoing in the background.
By the time it was over, thirty-three people had been shot to death. Twenty-nine more were injured from gunshot wounds or jumping from upper story windows to escape the carnage. How on earth does something like that happen? Why? We may never know the answer to that -- the cowardly gunman shot and killed himself. We still don't even know whether there was a second gunman. There were two separate events, two hours apart. In the first, an apparently jilted man shot and killed a female student and a male Resident Advisor, also a student. Two hours later, the random mass murders of students and professors occurred. According to witnesses, the description of the man who committed the first murders did not fit the man who committed the second rampage, identified this morning as a 23-year-old South Korean student with an English major, a resident alien named Cho Seung-Hui. Is it possible that two maniacs decided to strike in the same place at the same time? How does that happen? In light of ballistics information released this morning, perhaps it was only one man who did all of this. At this point, there are as many questions as there are answers.
It's a horrible, tragic thing that happened here yesterday, utterly senseless and beyond comprehension. We can call it incomprehensible. Stupid. Twisted. Sad. Evil and monstrous. Barbaric. Completely beyond understanding. None of those words adequately convey the enormity of what has happened.
Hale McKay has a nice post on this subject today.
If ever there was a day for a little levity, this might be it. So, let's just segue into TWIT and Twisted Linguistics.
I have been whinging - Stop that before you go blind!
quanity versus quality
pablam - A word uttered much in the same vein as "Bam!" or "Kaboom!"
I most humbly beg your pardon. Not!! You better send me more money than 17-1/2 cents and you better do it now or I will end up owning your stipid helloclopper business. And I ain't just whistlin' Dixie. Not that I can't. Because I can. About that editor, all I can said is she is rite in sum cases. Not in MY case becasue my book is GUD. Her ought not to have say what she say in pubic. Dag. Don't be offering me her job tho. I would rather cutt off my tonge.
I'm Still All WTF
Hey You WTF,
Don't EVER take that tone with us. Didn't anyone make it clear to you that we really don't care? Hell child, we printed your book and that pretty much assures you that no REAL publisher will ever touch anything you write, because they don't want to be associated with us in any way, shape or form. So you had best be saying you are real sorry, really fast. That is our final word on the subject. Unless, of course, you write again. In which case will have an equally stupid response.
SAT. I mean AST.
Dear Mr. AST,
Aw, now you've hurt my feelings. You shouldn't oughta have did that. I want you to now pay me double royalties because if you don't I am going to tell my lawyer and she will written you a long lettre what will say stuff that will make you cry you mean man you shold be asaimed of youself. An I kin to get me a real publisher you horible hog man. I am not sorry. You are sorry and you will be sorryer when my lawyer beets your but. Ha! Make ME cry will you.
WTF Do You Think You Are?
Hey! I got my royality check. What is this? Is this sippose to be a joke or something? Maybe a down payment? Listen, this won't even bye me a coke. You better be making this write pretty quick or me and you is going to have war. I don't know how you expectorate me to keep my speel-checker up to date on this kind of money you stipid twit.
Poor and Pissed
Dear Poor Pissy Author,
Don't take that tone with me! We at Putrid Publications have all the power, being rich money-making bastards, and you don't, being a normal citizen who can not take us to court. Royality check? You mean the reality check? You should be ever so thankful we even gave you one thin dime. We could have easily held your royalties hostage, not that we even keep correct records anyway! Speel-checker? Whazzat? Is this some new invention? Probably, cuz we "editors" at PA have never used anything of that sort. Don't be too harsh about the sppel-cheeker thing--we're just a bunch of illiterate college students! Besides, Billy-Bob the Loser and old Bobby-Bill taught us that speeling doesn't matter in the plublishing world. War? Bring it on! Naturally, we'll win, cuz we have $$$$$ for a lawyer and you don't. I've never met our lawyer anyway. Was that loudmouth advocate author right? Is our lawyer the guy who represents terrorists? Yep, we'll win your war all right, and you will be left penniless, and poor and pissed you will remain. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
A Saber-toothed Tiger
Dear Miss TWIT,
Hello, how are you? I am fine. I am in the 7th grade. I am smart. I get mostly A's and B's. I have wrote my first book and I was wondering if you would handle it. My mother says real publishers don't handle children but I am real good on the Internet and I have saw where you do. Will you do my book? Oh it is about a girl that goes to sorcery school at Pig Bumps Acadumy. You will love it. It is very good. I will wait to here from you.
Loretta Sue Whillikers
How open minded are you?
|You Are 72% Open Minded|
You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.