Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Bwaaaak!


Big chickens sometimes pick on the little chicks, jeering and squawking and pecking. The results are usually pretty predictable. Peep-peep.

And sometimes, just because they're too young and inexperienced, the little chickies make a show of taking on the big chickens, jeering and squawking and trying to get in a few pecks. In many instances, little chicks should never take on the big chicks. They ain't gonna win. Other times, however, the wiley little chicks had better go after the big chicken before Big Chick gets a chance to peck them to shreds. When the peeps are right and the pullet ain't, little chickies have big teeth. Pluck that skanky poulet. Peep-peep.

Why am I talking about puffed-up babs chicks and power plays and shows of bluff and bravura? I can't say, because I don't want to end up in the same steaming soup pot as some of my brother and sister chicks. All I can say is that this, too, shall end. And when it does, when some tainted, smelly feathers have flown and the flea-bitten carcass is stripped of ego and attitude, we'll throw the mother of all barbecues. Once the grilling (and the cross-grilling) ends, that scrawny thing is going to get roasted.

There will be baked chicken, barbecued chicken, chicken and dumplings, chicken fritters, chicken tenders, stir-fried chicken, chicken chow mein, chicken lo mein, fried chicken, boiled chicken, chicken soup, chicken pot pie, chicken patties, chicken chunks, and fricasseed chicken.

We'll just see how far one mangy old chicken will stretch. Right now, it's a waiting game and mum's the word. Just hang on to your appetite. The countdown is on.

Moving along from parasitic fowl to the scientific front, I find this absolutely fascinating. Astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system with Earth-like temperatures that is potentially habitable. It might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf" and called Gliese 581c, is much smaller, dimmer, and cooler than our sun.

Red dwarfs are low-energy, tiny stars that give off dim red light and last longer than stars like our sun. Until a few years ago, astronomers didn't consider these stars as possible hosts of planets that might sustain life. The discovery of Gliese 581c will give rise to new studies of planets circling similar dim stars. About 80 percent of the stars near Earth are red dwarfs.

The new planet is about five times heavier than Earth. It’s not known yet whether it is rocky like Earth or if it’s a frozen ice ball with liquid water on the surface. If it is rocky, it has a diameter about 1-1/2 times bigger than Earth. If it is an iceball, it would be even bigger. Based on theory, it should have an atmosphere, but what's in that atmosphere is still a mystery. If, for example, it is too thick, that could make the planet's surface temperature too hot.

Of course, the hotter and soupier it is, the more habitable it might be for pesky poultry.

Ladies, I'm declaring a Dress-up Day. Y'all know what to do. I even put on a dress and heels for the occasion.


























Here's today's Words Gone Wild. I found 'em -- y'all define 'em.

woulod
dafted
obay
intensionally
expidited

And today's installment of Dear Twit.

Dear Booty,

{{yawn}}

Candy Lane
_________________
Dear Zoned Out Candyass Has-been,

Oh, man! You called me Booty! Them's fighting words! Nobody can call me that and expect to live! Do I LOOK like freakin' Booty to you?! If I do, you tell me right now so I can off myself! You apologize, and I mean right this very instant. Call ME Booty, will you? If I don't have your prompt apology in my inbox inside of five minutes, that's it. I'm siccing the entire Rainbow Tribe on you and your candy ass is grass. Eat them words or prepare to die, TWIT!!

Sincerely,
Better Dead Than Booty
__________________
Dear Angry Better Dead One,

Candy Lane is no longer in our employment. She was late for her appointment with Mr. Billy today. If we were a reputable company we would issue an immediate apology for the way she addressed you. However, we have a reputation to uphold so therefore no apology will be forthcoming.

We hope this explanation fits like a glove and will resonate with you from sea to shining sea and all across the fruited plains. For further lollygagging see our testamony page at Putrid Publishing.com.

Have a nice day!

Some unknown person deep in the bowels of Putrid.
__________________
Dear Bowel Obstructed TWIT,

Bowels? You want to see bowels, you fruitcake? I'll show you bowels -- YOURS, turned inside out and wrapped tightly around your neck. How's that for imagery? I'll steal all your vowels, too.

Hey, I'm glad Candy got the hell out of Dodge. That leaves YOU to stop lollygagging, get off your dead ass, and fix my book before I give some testimony to the CIA about you.

Are we simpatico now?

Ta-ta and have a nice day, idiot.

Sincerely,
Th_ D_s_mv_w_l_d _ _th_r



Your Quirk Factor: 67%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

29 comments:

Steve G said...

I want to know who the mean old chicken is????

leelee said...

darn it...had I known it was dress up day I would have worn something more fetching then Khaki Capri pants/Ballet neck Top and suede sandals. You look so springy and lovely today..

Well I AM having a good hair day,that should count for something.

leelee said...

Your Quirk Factor: 29%
You have a few little quirks, but you generally blend in well with society.
Only those who know you well know how weird you can be. oh ain't THAT the truth...lol

Roxan said...

***Your Quirk Factor: 72%***


You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal.
No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

Does a black tee count as dress up? Probably not.

Serena Joy said...

All in good time, Steve. All in good time.

Whatchu talking about, Leelee? I love capris and sandals. And sheesh, you got good hair. That's a BIG plus. I hereby declare you in official compliance with Dressup Day.

Sometimes I worry about people finding out about my quirks -- but I'm so quirky I don't care. LOL.

Roxan, if you have a date with Kid Rock, yes, it does count.:)

Roxan said...

Kid Rock? God no. No telling what diseases the ex gave him in addition to his own. EWWWW. Go wash your hands!
Bad bad bad. Damn, now I have to go clean my monitor. Thanks for nothing. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Well, I tried, Roxan. I want everybody to be happy romantically -- and you and Kan keep fighting me on this. LOL. Um, just so you know, I'm sure there are drugs for whatever Kid might have.:)

Roxan said...

Is there a drug to fix his face? This girl is NOT that desperate. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Dear, that's what they have bags for. I'm going to see about getting you a scholarship to remedial Sex Ed. (And now I'm running before you bitch-slap me.):)

Roxan said...

Would that be a plastic bag? LMAO

tfg said...

Sundresses are good. Very good, actually.

Serena Joy said...

Paper bags are recommended, Roxan. They have to breathe, you know.

Well, they're certainly comfortable to wear, TFG.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I am 50% quirky only. Darn! I would have pegged myself as much more quirky than that.

woulod - what it sounds like when a toddler says "warlord." Trust me.

dafted - when the government orders you to be crazy.

obay - where you auction off oatmeal, organza, obscure olives, oysters, and onions.

intensionally - right across the way from Diagon Ally. Everyone there is very uptight and type-A.

expidited - sped up something's transfer from point A to point B by spitting it out a straw.

You look beautiful! I have no spring clothes, so today I wore brown low-waist slacks, brown heels, and a black v-neck cotton sweater over a white T-shirt. I was all-over November. Sigh.

puerileuwaite said...

WOW! You ARE serious about going to the Prom!

Serena Joy said...

Greeny, your definitions rock! I mean, they are totally bitchen. You can fill in for next time my brain goes catatonic. You have The Knack. Thank you for the nice compliment, sweetpea. Personally, I think your outfit sounds adorable. I practically live in cotton sweaters.

You bet I'm serious, Puggy. You'd better bring up your GPA so the old man will give you the car keys and be serious about taking me. Just let me see the tux first. It has to be the right color or I won't go.:)

Bace Man said...

Hi Serena, my quirk factor is 36%.

Havent been online in a while...work has been busy. Hope you have been doing well.

-Bace

Corn Dog said...

58%. When I grew up on the farm, we had a bantum game cock that ruled the chicken yard. He was half the size of most of the other chickens. He was a kind, intelligent and magnanimous ruler. Most of the other was huge dumb oafs that couldn't figure out how to tie their shoes if they had them. The game cock's name was Man. I still miss Man. There are some souls you never get over when they pass on. He was truly unique. He never had a cross word. I saw him break up so many fights. I strive to me like Man.

I want in on that chicken barbeque. I know a good chicken that needs a plucking and roasting.

AND you look gorgeous and all of 21 Ma'am. Pink is your color.

Hale McKay said...

o-Bay - to succumb to overbidding on e-Bay for something worth half as much. (Often followed by the utterance "Oy-vay>")

woulod (woo-load) - exclamation by others when you took up Sheryl Crow's challenge to use only one square of TP.

dafted - walked funny after using only one square of TP.

-_ Blank on the others -

Note the theme? It goes hand in hand with my 4/24 post "A Caws To Save the Planet"

Serena Joy said...

Hey, Bace, good to see you. Hope you're well, too.

I know you do know that huffy chicken, Corn Dog. You get first dibs when its ass gets roasted. Hell, for saying I look 21, you ought to get the whole chicken.

Funny definitions, Mike. I'd sure be hollering something if I got rationed to one square of toilet paper. I'd for damn sure be walking funny, too. Geez.

Roxan said...

Who said I wanted him to breathe? LOL

Lee said...

I'm trying to read between the lines here. Do I sense trouble in the barnyard? Letting a few feathers fly clears the air. Sometimes it's a necessary pastime. But cock fighting is banned, Serena!

Scary Monster said...

Me kinda dressed up today. Me put on a fez and an ironed aloha shirt.

120% quirky. Me added 40% because of the fez.

Me like the photo. Very fetching.

stomp.

Kanrei said...

great picture. Sorry I have not been commenting, but the stress of last week inflamed my carpol tunnel it seems and typing is pure hell. I cannot even update my own site for a few days now, cannot surf the internet since my mouse hand is blown, and have yet to get a night's sleep. Sorry, but I wanted to let you know why I have not been leaving comments.
I am going to go cry now because typing this hurt =D

Kanrei said...

Your Quirk Factor: 83%

You're beyond quirky... You're downright bizarre.
You've lost touch with social norms and what's appropriate. And you're loving every minute of it!


Beautiful photo BTW

Serena Joy said...

I'm sorry, Roxan, but you have to let them breathe. Some stupid law says so.

LOL, Lee. Just an old biddy preening and strutting. I suspect it'll get plucked nekkid sooner or later.

Well, gee, Scary, any time you put on a fez you are VERY dressed up. And an ironed shirt? Maybe I'll make you an honorary Dressup Lady.

Poor Kan! Stop even trying to type until the pain goes away. Damn, I hate it that you're now bawling in pain from dropping by. Can't your dad prescribe you something for that? I am SO friggin' jealous. You got bizarre and all I got was stupid quirky.:)

Roxan said...

Well you can't expect Kanrei to want to have anything to do with me after you've pair me up with someone like Kid Rock.
I think you and Carrot Top would make a good couple.
I'll teach you to insult me. :P

Serena Joy said...

Okay, Roxan, you win. I stand before you properly chastised. You don't care for Kid Rock. Okey-dokey. I guess I'll do pretty much anything to make it up to you so I don't have to go home with Carrot Top. I'm actually pretty nauseated just thinking about that.:)

Roxan said...

As my son says on his PC games-
You've been OWNED. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Well, I've been SOMEthinged. LOL.