Bwaaaak!

Big chickens sometimes pick on the little chicks, jeering and squawking and pecking. The results are usually pretty predictable. Peep-peep.

And sometimes, just because they're too young and inexperienced, the little chickies make a show of taking on the big chickens, jeering and squawking and trying to get in a few pecks. In many instances, little chicks should never take on the big chicks. They ain't gonna win. Other times, however, the wiley little chicks had better go after the big chicken before Big Chick gets a chance to peck them to shreds. When the peeps are right and the pullet ain't, little chickies have big teeth. Pluck that skanky poulet. Peep-peep.

Why am I talking about puffed-up babs chicks and power plays and shows of bluff and bravura? I can't say, because I don't want to end up in the same steaming soup pot as some of my brother and sister chicks. All I can say is that this, too, shall end. And when it does, when some tainted, smelly feathers have flown and the flea-bitten carcass is stripped of ego and attitude, we'll throw the mother of all barbecues. Once the grilling (and the cross-grilling) ends, that scrawny thing is going to get roasted.

There will be baked chicken, barbecued chicken, chicken and dumplings, chicken fritters, chicken tenders, stir-fried chicken, chicken chow mein, chicken lo mein, fried chicken, boiled chicken, chicken soup, chicken pot pie, chicken patties, chicken chunks, and fricasseed chicken.

We'll just see how far one mangy old chicken will stretch. Right now, it's a waiting game and mum's the word. Just hang on to your appetite. The countdown is on.

Moving along from parasitic fowl to the scientific front, I find this absolutely fascinating. Astronomers have discovered a planet outside our solar system with Earth-like temperatures that is potentially habitable. It might have water in liquid form, and in galactic terms is relatively nearby at 120 trillion miles away. But the star it closely orbits, known as a "red dwarf" and called Gliese 581c, is much smaller, dimmer, and cooler than our sun.

Red dwarfs are low-energy, tiny stars that give off dim red light and last longer than stars like our sun. Until a few years ago, astronomers didn't consider these stars as possible hosts of planets that might sustain life. The discovery of Gliese 581c will give rise to new studies of planets circling similar dim stars. About 80 percent of the stars near Earth are red dwarfs.

The new planet is about five times heavier than Earth. It’s not known yet whether it is rocky like Earth or if it’s a frozen ice ball with liquid water on the surface. If it is rocky, it has a diameter about 1-1/2 times bigger than Earth. If it is an iceball, it would be even bigger. Based on theory, it should have an atmosphere, but what's in that atmosphere is still a mystery. If, for example, it is too thick, that could make the planet's surface temperature too hot.

Of course, the hotter and soupier it is, the more habitable it might be for pesky poultry.

Ladies, I'm declaring a Dress-up Day. Y'all know what to do. I even put on a dress and heels for the occasion.


























Here's today's Words Gone Wild. I found 'em -- y'all define 'em.

woulod
dafted
obay
intensionally
expidited

And today's installment of Dear Twit.

Dear Booty,

{{yawn}}

Candy Lane
_________________
Dear Zoned Out Candyass Has-been,

Oh, man! You called me Booty! Them's fighting words! Nobody can call me that and expect to live! Do I LOOK like freakin' Booty to you?! If I do, you tell me right now so I can off myself! You apologize, and I mean right this very instant. Call ME Booty, will you? If I don't have your prompt apology in my inbox inside of five minutes, that's it. I'm siccing the entire Rainbow Tribe on you and your candy ass is grass. Eat them words or prepare to die, TWIT!!

Sincerely,
Better Dead Than Booty
__________________
Dear Angry Better Dead One,

Candy Lane is no longer in our employment. She was late for her appointment with Mr. Billy today. If we were a reputable company we would issue an immediate apology for the way she addressed you. However, we have a reputation to uphold so therefore no apology will be forthcoming.

We hope this explanation fits like a glove and will resonate with you from sea to shining sea and all across the fruited plains. For further lollygagging see our testamony page at Putrid Publishing.com.

Have a nice day!

Some unknown person deep in the bowels of Putrid.
__________________
Dear Bowel Obstructed TWIT,

Bowels? You want to see bowels, you fruitcake? I'll show you bowels -- YOURS, turned inside out and wrapped tightly around your neck. How's that for imagery? I'll steal all your vowels, too.

Hey, I'm glad Candy got the hell out of Dodge. That leaves YOU to stop lollygagging, get off your dead ass, and fix my book before I give some testimony to the CIA about you.

Are we simpatico now?

Ta-ta and have a nice day, idiot.

Sincerely,
Th_ D_s_mv_w_l_d _ _th_r

Your Quirk Factor: 67%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?