Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Baby's In the Hoosegow


In Pontotoc County, Oklahoma, a 6-year-old Jack Russell Terrier named Baby is in jail on an accessory charge. You heard right -- people jail, not the dog pound.

Baby is a medical service dog trained to detect epileptic seizures. Her owner, arrested by Ada, Oklahoma, police on felony warrants out of Missouri, has a medical condition that causes him to have frequent seizures. Baby is trained to detect the tell-tale signs ahead of time and will alert her owner. Jail officials can then give the inmate medication to prevent a seizure from happening.

Until Missouri police come for him, he and Baby both are being held in a secluded cell. Jail personnel walk and feed Baby several times a day. Officials say Baby and her owner will be transported together back to Missouri. I wonder what will happen to her then? Poor Baby.


In two words, why I will never commit a sensational crime: Nancy Grace. I know her heart's in the right place, but that woman irritates (and scares!) the living crap out of me.

ImageChef.com - Create custom images

longivity - A gift that keeps on giving, like herpes.

capture the intelect of it's readers - What the alien spy's true mission was.

a becon of light - "I vill haff ze eggs and ze becon, not crispy."

intresting - In the pursuit of trysting.

I like writting the synopsis of a book when I finish writting the book - I can't define this, mainly because I'm trying too hard not to pee my pants laughing.

DEAR TWIT


Dear Jessimo:

I don't use any term lightly where PutridArses are concerned. I hope it caused a particularly nasty rash in your nether-regions, then! I'll give you a legitimate question, Jerk-Off! Out of those 10,000 emails you are getting per day, how many are complaints about your shitty little scam operation? Here's another one: How many of your supposed 20,000 authors have sold their 2.6 books today?

Oh, I'm writing another book, all right. You may get to read it, but you sure as hell won't be publishing it. It's a children's story all about the big bad Wolf Billy-Bob, the lousy loon Bobby-Bill, the outraged Buffalo Betty, and the little girl who caught them all in her trap. I think it should do very well! There's even a moral to this story, but I'm not sure you understand what that means. I'll have a nice day when you twits are hauled off the the slammer!

Hey Jessimo, why did you fire Shemp and company? Were they getting on your nerves?

Sincerely,
Free at last


Dear TWIT,

I have a question about your editing options policy; i.e., (1) you edit (2) you don't edit and the book gets fast-tracked.I've seen examples of both and, quite frankly, I don't see any difference. Could you please clarify? Thank you.

Sincerely,
New Author


Dear New Author.

Don't take that tone with us. Why on earth would anyone ask such a silly question. If you would read your contract it clearly states the difference.

We continue to rip-off 30 authors a day. If all of them asked silly questions like you did, we would never have time to not edit you book, regardless of which method you choose. Glad I could be of Help to you today.

Happy, happy regards,
I forgot what name I am using today AST.


Dear AuthorizedSnottyTwit,

Oh, goody, goody, goody! I know who you are -- it's my favrite Janitor Boy AST. Woo-hoo, battle of wits! Now, see here, fella -- I ain't seed nothin' in my contract about no editin' optims. That's why I'm asking YOU. I've done looked at books done both them ways and I'm telling ya, I can't see no diffrence. Don't be givin' me that tone crap, now. I'm serious as a hart attach hear. And you better tell me I'm not won of them 30 you done ripped off neither. Who did you do it to? Anybody I don't like? Thass ok then. But reely I wants to no how i'm suppose togit my book editored if you don't do it. I gess what I need is sum resurrence that you think I'm kapabl of editoring it my own self. Pleas let me no cause I sure wood hate to thunk my book is all ready fatally dead.

Sincerely,
Not Sure


Dear Not Sure:

Now you look here Missey, I am not a Janitor anymore. I am a general twit. Tomorrow I might get to work in accounting. Anyway If you can't tell the difference, then we must be doing one hell of a job not editing the books. To be Honest (the keyboard shocked me when I typed that word). You CAN tell the ones we edited, they are worse than the others.

Kool-aid JunkieAbnormally Slow Typist
p.s. If you signed your contract, your book is already dead

22 comments:

Kanrei said...

Nancy Grace is evil. I know her heart is in the right place (assuming of couse she has one), but she has no consistancy to her positions. I listen to CourtTV off and on at night and she is so annoying. Good call.

Poor puppy, but it is doing a great job. I saw a report about a prison that is allowing their death row inmates to have pet kitties. They found that having a pet in prison helps the men deal with things better- they have something to care about and live for. The pets are well cared for as well. As weird as it sounds, if this puppy has a bond her owner then maybe being apart from her friend would be more tramatic than being in jail.

What is with the jail theme? Nothing personal, but after this weekend's tale I am jailed out. =D

Anonymous said...

That's a pretty bizare story.

Signed,
The guy who eats hot dogs competitively

Serena Joy said...

Well, her eye makeup sure is evil. I don't know if she'd scare me as much without it. You're right about her inconsistency, Kan. It's so annoying to hear her call someone "friend" one day and then be out to rip them a new one the next day.

I didn't mean to rub it in with the jail theme. LOL. I saw the adorable Baby on the news this morning and had to find out more about the story.

Competitive hot dog eating, Anon? LOL. I wouldn't mind a chilli dog right about now. Welcome to my blog.

littlebirdblue said...

I'm so far behind on my blogroll, I'm going to tell you what kind of Easter Candy I am:

***You Are a Cadbury Creme Egg***


You're the type that stole little brother's easter basket so that you could have MORE CANDY!

Serena Joy said...

Camille, it's a wonder you're doing blogroll at all, as full as your hands are right now. Don't you just love those Cadbury creme eggs, stolen or not? Thank God Easter is over and there's no more candy. I was in danger of actually growing a Candy Yass.:)

MXI said...

I agree with the Nancy Grace thing...can't watch her at all...I been following the Twit series, how much have you got?! Very funny!

Corn Dog said...

I don't know who Nancy Grace is. They have dogs that can detect seizures? COOOL! I need one or two or twenty.

Serena Joy said...

There's LOTS more TWIT to come, MXI. I'm glad you're getting a kick out of it.

CD, Nancy Grace is a Court TV diva, a former prosecutor. I wish I had a picture of the real Baby for you. She's a doll.

tfg said...

I want to meet the trainer who was able to train a Jack Russell as a service animal.

littlebirdblue said...

Serena J,
Never seen it, but I'm sure your yass is in fine form.

Serena Joy said...

I don't know how they did it, either, TFG. Those little boogers are wild.

I don't know about "fine," Camille, but I at least got rid of the candy before I developed pop-butt. LOL.

Scary Monster said...

Me not knowing Nancy Grace, but Mr. Google will sort that out for me.

Me likes it at the crossroads...

Stompin Good

Southern Writer said...

Kanrei - I saw that about the jail kitties, too. Then they took them away.

Isn't it amazing what dogs can do? They are incredibly intelligent. Sometimes I think they're angels whose missions are to help us through life. Who knows?

It sounds like Baby is getting good care. I won't worry too much about her, but do let us know if you hear the outcome, okay? My Great Dane and I once lived in a van together for three months, and it wasn't comfortable, but he was happy because he was with me. And I was happy because he was with me. We survived.

I know who Nancy Grace is, but I don't listen to her. I don't listen to Howard Stern. Or Jerry Springer or Maury Povitch, or anyone who appears to exist for the main purpose of keeping a shit pot stirred. I miss the days when people aspired to having a little class.

Serena Joy said...

Crossroads be a stompin' fine place, Scary.

You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy Willie Brown,
And I'm standing at the crossroads, believe I'm sinking down.


I don't listen to any of those guys, either, Lesia.

Dogs are VERY intelligent, more so than some people I know. If I hear an update on Baby, I'll pass it along. How's Sneezy doing?

Lee said...

Yes, poor Baby...I wonder what will happen.

I've never heard of Nancy Grace...by the sounds of it, I'm fortunate! ;)

Liz said...

Poor Baby! What a clever dog she must be though. Harvs is 14 and hasn't yet grasped the concept of road-car-stop (as in Harvey stop not car stop); how do they train these dogs?!

There's a book called 'Insatiable: Competitive Eating and the Big Fat American Dream', all about gustatory athletes.

Scary Monster said...

Been thinkin &bout that darn dog all day... Whatif the guy he be with gets the chair or the gas chamber...

December Quinn said...

Poor doggie! I love dogs...if only my husband wasn't allergic (and I love cats, too, but I'm allergic to those. We complement each other in so many ways.)

Serena Joy said...

So Nancy Grace hasn't made it to Australia yet? You're lucky, Lee. LOL. She's just too over the top.

Harvs may not be so well trained, Liz, but he's such a doll. And at his age, he can get away with it. I hadn't heard of that book. Sounds pretty funny.

Don't worry, Scary. I think the guy is just a thief, which I don't think is a capital crime in Missouri.

I love 'em, too, December. You know, they're breeding hypoallergenic (sp.?) doggies now. Might be worth looking into.

NYD said...

Holy cow! Or should I say Wholly cow!! Serena YOU have been busy. There is so much to read and digest in your recent posts that I don't know where to begin.

I am amazed at the speed with which most people post but you are astonishing!!!
Loquatious, prolific, voracious and engaging are just a few of the words that come to mind when I visit your site.

Serena Joy said...

So, in other words, NYD, you're calling me gabby? LOL. It ain't Hawaii but as long as you're having fun, that's what it's all about.:)

Hale McKay said...

Who else thunks the book is not only dead, but has been cold in the ground for some time?