Thursday, January 04, 2007

What Lurks Within

Ugh. I have a headache. I hate days that begin with a headache. Maybe some of those voodoo moon rays got into my head last night. Maybe not. Sometimes a headache is just a headache. Maybe.

I cleaned out my purse last night. That’s always an adventure. Women, of course, are already initiates of the Order of the Mysteries of the Pocketbook and are familiar with the arcane enigmas which lurk within. Men, probably not so much.

I found what must have been dozens of tissues. I think it was a nest. I think they multiply in there. There was also a crumpled Nestle’s Crunch Bar wrapper. I don’t even remember the last time I ate one of those. There was loose change, and loose buttons. There was a small collection of pens and mini-calendars from various places, some of which I don’t even patronize. I don’t know how I got those.

There must have been several months’ worth of cash register receipts. I’m afraid to even think about totaling those up, since it encompassed the Christmas shopping period. I don’t want to know how much I spent. There were odd earrings and broken beads, a silver Christmas ribbon, and a gold bangle bracelet I was looking for recently and couldn’t find. God only knows how many stray Sticky Notes with phone numbers, addresses, directions, stuff I don’t want to forget (duh), etc., I pulled out of the murky depths. I threw them all in a drawer. Now if I ever need one of them, I’ll know where to look.

A whole little colony of free samples had taken up residence in my bag – everything from perfume to hand lotion. And a couple of stray ketchup packets. It’s a good thing they make those so hard to get into. Had they broken, I’d have had a hellacious mess. I found one of the dog’s squeaky toys in there, too. She wouldn't have complained a bit about a little ketchup on it.

I found a lipstick in the bottom of my purse that I don’t even remember buying, much less the last time I wore it. It’s L’Oreal #150, Pink Tranquilo. It’s pretty, and I’m wearing it today.

I came to work without any Ibuprofen, not even any stray, fuzzy tablets down in the bowels of the pocketbook, so I had to bum something for this headache. I just popped the two Excedrin Tension Headaches the lady down the hall gave me. I’ve never taken that before. Probably not such a good idea to take strange drugs at work, but what the hell.

A few stray Words Gone Wild have been rounded up and convicted of Twisted Linguistics.

prominet – Fabric for making prom dresses worthy of the Promenade.

gullable – Easily led seagoing birds.

synopsizes – Size DOES matter when it comes to your manuscript.

purblished – What happens to purple prose.

inpire - The best kingdom a bargain-basement emperor can expect to get.

marevelous - Truly fantastic female horses.

I all ready am - That's just somebody saying he's all packed up and ready to hit the road.

Your Pirate Name Is...

Cannibal Dagger Danielle


Kanrei said...

Murphy's Law states that you will forget about the drawer fulll of former-purse dwellers until well after you need whatever it is you used to have in your purse. Then, one day years from now you will clean the drawer out and place those items back in your purse you will not lose them and start the procedure over again.

Headaches suck, but strange drugs at work are never bad. If you are really luck they might even help your day fly by.

The full moon is giving me a pass right now I guess. I did not know it was full until reading about its attack on you. I am sort of sorry about that, but not that it is ignoring me.

Kanrei said...

Avast ye hardies! Swab the decks or else feel the wrath of Dirty Ian the Infected.

Roxan said...

I much prefer our pirate names to this one. I quite like being Bloody Rose and I have no intentions of agreeing to another.
Besides, I like my nickname for yours. :P

Southern Writer said...

You poor thing - on both counts. Hope your head feels better. I can tell you exactly what's in my purse, without even looking. You know those little zippered bags women keep jewelry and so forth in when they travel? I have one for change, and one that holds a big-ass pocket knife, dental floss, lipstick, and a couple pens. I have a book full of business cards and pictures, and a ticket book (the kind the waiter brings the check in) with more pictures and folded sheets of paper with things written on them that I like to keep with me. There's also a case to hold glasses. For being such a slob at home, my purse is extremely neat and organized. It was sure fun reading about yours, though!

Serena Joy said...

You're probably right about the "procedure," Kan. The strange drugs at work felt pretty good ... but didn't faze the headache. After the afternoon from mofuggin' hell I had, it's worse. And I brought work home with me that I have to do tonight and fax back to the office since it's an "emergency" (aren't they all?) and I don't work on Fridays. Yarrrr!

Oh, and Dirty Ian, they have drugs these days for that infection.:)

Bloody Rose, what WAS your suggested new name? I think I'll stick with Flirty Skirts, too. Yarrr.

God, Lesia, it's so throbbing that maybe only biting down on a bullet will help. Oooo, I don't have a big-ass pocket knife in my purse. All I have is a little pansy-ass Swiss Army knife. I gotta go to the knife store.:) I actually have those little zippered travel bags, never thought of putting them in my purse. That could solve my disorganization problem.

Now I'm going to go put on some more of that lipstick, eat, and take more drugs -- and not necessarily in that order.

Kanrei said...

Just don't eat the lipstick

Baron Ectar said...

I could tell ya what I find in my wallet when I clean it out - but it would bore ya to death - hope you got rid of that headache.

Jamie Dawn said...

Two Excedrins will pump me up like a gallon of coffee. I don't drink coffee or any other drinks containing caffeine, so I'm not used to it.
I do indulge in chocolate sometimes (truffles!!!!) and they have some caffeine. Excedrin has lots of caffeine in it, and it gives me the shakes. It takes away a bad headache though.

You actually clean your purse?? I've never heard of such a thing!

Serena Joy said...

The contents of a Baron's wallet -- now there's something for a commoner to ponder. The headache is a bit better, thanks.

JD, I had to break down and clean it out; I couldn't get anything else in it. LOL. I think those Excedrins had pretty much the same effect on me. I was fit to be tied by the time I left work -- NO patience left.:)

RexZeitgiest said...

Your Pirate Name Is...

Lord Blackbeard

Serena Joy said...

Blackbeard, huh? You know you have to braid your beard and light candles in it. Yarrrr.

Corn Dog said...

Yarrr..all ye Southern gals have swords in ye purses. Me too.

Headache killer: Midrin but you have to get a prescription. And it will not upset your stomach like a vicodan or a darvoset.

My purse chews my gum. It unwraps it and then chews a piece of Trident every now and then. I wish it would stop. It is nasty when I find the chewed piece stuck on something.

Hale McKay said...

I loved the prominet one.

I'll bet the purse was a lot lighter too!?

Liz said...

It's 8.02 am, Serena, and I have to go to work today and I woke up with a headache. In fact it was there before I woke up in that half-awake/half battling to sleep state. Yuck. No fun. Hope yours has gone completely now.

Do all American women carry knives in their bags?!

Roxan said...

The name was too horrible and we shall not speak of it.

Anonymous said...

The best things one can find is money you didn't know you had.

Scary Monster said...

Subdued Jangle (an ode to a migraine)Me once had the horror of watching Me grandma clean out her purse and it looked just like the scene you described. Me even recieved half a roll of peppermint lifesavers for Me patience.
Hope ya feel better by the time ya read this,

Serena Joy said...

Corn Dog, there's some kind of message here regarding blade-bearing ladies. I'm not sure what it is yet. LOL. I often find naked sticks of gum in my purse, hanging around with other naked and half-naked sticks. I don't know what they're up to. Thankfully, they never look chewed.

You bet, Mike -- the purse was WAY lighter. It's a wonder it hadn't given me a hernia before I took some junk out of it.

Oh, no, Liz; so sorry you've awakened with a headache. The ones you wake up with are the worst. I was lucky enough to wake up with mine completely gone this morning (the headache, not my head). Feel better. Oh -- no, I don't think all American women tote knives in their bags -- just those of us who were Girl Scouts.:)

Good heavens, Roxan, sounds like that name generator insulted you hugely. Do you think maybe we should shoot it?

I know it, Steve. Found money is always great. I just wish I'd found a little more in there.

Serena Joy said...

Savvy Mon, witnessing one purse-cleansing is probably quite enough for one person in one lifetime. At least you got Lifesavers out of it. My granny carried Rolaids in hers.:)