Sunday, January 28, 2007

Ode to a Saltine

Alas, yesterday's reports of my quick recovery were greatly exaggerated. It's true that the nausea was gone, but thinking I was back to 100% was wishful thinking. I'm very good at convincing myself of stuff, one side of me the consummate liar with the other when drastic measures are called for. But not this time. By dark, I felt as tired as if I'd run a marathon. I went to bed early (for me). Actually sleeping, however, was pretty much out of the question. I guess that would have been asking too much of the powers that be. The husband fixed spaghetti for dinner. When he cooks, it hurts his feelings if I don't eat it, so ... I ate it. I knew his sauce was going to be too spicy, but I ate it anyway. And it kept me getting up for Alka Seltzer about every 1.5 hours. On my last Alka Seltzer run at about 3:00 A.M., I was so tired that I nearly fell asleep standing in the bathroom waiting for the tablets to dissolve. Then I picked up the cup to drink it and promptly dropped it, drenching myself. While I waited for a new dose to dissolve, I changed my sopping nightgown and wiped up the bathroom floor. Thankfully, I went down for the count after that and managed to sleep 'til 8:30. My stomach's still bothering me a little today and I'm dragging a bit. I'm eating nothing but Saltines. Saltines have some sort of magical medicinal properties. I don't know whether they sop up the acid, counteract it, or quite what they do. They always work when nothing else does, though. Now that I think about it, I ate them by the box when I was pregnant to ward off both morning sickness and heartburn. Fortunately, they taste pretty good and, oddly enough, I don't even want anything else today. So far. Hopefully, this will all be gone tomorrow.

I'm thinking of running away and becoming a foster child. It would be good if Johnny Depp and Patrick Dempsey could share custody of me. What do you suppose my chances are?



My stepdaughter produced her second son Thursday. Isn't he a doll? She's asked me before what her children should call me. She says I don't look much like anybody's grandma. I didn't bribe her to say it, either. I told her that I'm not vain in that way and that the babies can call me whatever they choose. So far, it's not a problem. Her first child is only twenty months old and says something that sounds sort of like "Ga!" when he sees me. I'm not so sure that's a compliment.

An item in the paper this morning made me forget my acidic stomach and laugh out loud. There was a guy on trial for attempted murder in Farmville, Virginia, for shooting a police officer in the leg. A mistrial was declared when the defense lawyer said he couldn't continue his closing statement because he had lost his train of thought. The judge also suggested that the attorney seek medical help.

Here's today's roster of Words Gone Wild begging for interpretation. Judge Twisted Linguistics gave it a try, but second opinions are always welcome. Brief it and give it your best shot.


look in the mirrow - What you will look like tomorrow.

shawdows - Reflections that are draped so you can't really tell what they are.

descriped - Yanking away someone's meds.

peaked my interest - This can describe anything from tented pants to someone fascinated by mountain climbing.

grammer errors - Oh, duh. Do you think?!

quandry - A perplexing quarry, or maybe an uncertain query.


Southern Writer sent me this to play with. I had a lot of fun with it and I think you will, too.


Birthday Calculator

17 comments:

Hale McKay said...

Sorry to hear you still aren't 100%.

Ah, but you too know about the magic curing powers of the saltine cracker. I swear by them, especially when the stomach is upset.

I think I have few candidates for your Twisted Linguistics! They appear in my Sunday post, Bible School Test.

Steve G said...

Serena, I feel for you. The spaghetti sounded pretty good. Hope you get to feeling better, and I won't even mention the G....ma word. Cute baby.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, bless your heart, Mike. I'm raising a Saltine to you. I won't have to go hunting for Bad Words tomorrow, thanks to you. Y'all, if you want to literally laugh your rear-ends off, click that Bible School Test link. Just make sure you go to the bathroom first. If you don't, I promise you you're going to wet yourself.

Steve, what a doll you are for not uttering the dread "G" word. LOL. I agree with you, though; he is a cute, cute baby.

Corn Dog said...

I hope you are feeling better soon, G-Ma, that's like G-Man but with a Ma

Serena Joy said...

Thank you, CD. And hey, I'd much rather be a G-Ma than a G-Man. Or a G-String.:)

littlebirdblue said...

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Molly Ringwald (1968)
Matt Dillon (1964)
Vanna White (1957)
John Travolta (1954)
John Hughes (1950)
Cybill Shepherd (1950)
Yoko Ono (1933)
Toni Morrison (1931) George Kennedy (1925)
Jack Palance (1920)
Louis Comfort Tiffany (1848)


I knew about John Travolta, but not the rest.

Serena Joy said...

You're certainly in some exalted company with your birth date, Little Bird.

Scary Monster said...

Just Like love, sickness has a course to run. It's just too bad it isnt a sprint, but a marathon.
Keep on truckin SJ you'll be full of vim and vigor in no time.

Steve G said...

How are you feeling today?

Liz said...

That made me laugh out loud too! What hope is there for any of us?

Sorry, you're still poorly; hope it will work its way out of your system today. What is Saltine? Sounds good.

And wonderful baby: I'm jealous! I want to be a grandma!

Liz said...

I am 1,710,831,927 seconds old. And Slow Poke by Pee Wee King was a popular song in the year of my birth. What can I say?

Serena Joy said...

Thanks, Scary, Steve, and Liz. So far, so good this morning. I'm taking some Saltines to work, though -- just in case.

Liz, Saltines are just plain crackers, a bit salty. Have you tried subliminal "make me a grandma" messages on your children? LOL. I don't think I've ever heard of Pee Wee King or 'Slow Poke.':)

Kanrei said...

Oh My! I took the weekend off blogging and you got sick! I am so sorry you feel icky. Rest is the best cure which is why rest is so hard to come by when one is sick. The sickness wants to live.

The picture is not working at work, but congrats to your step-daughter and I will say the "G" word- Grandma Serena =D

Now you can puke. Feel better.

Serena Joy said...

Thanks, Kan. Yes, the sickness wanted to live but I beat it senseless and it just laid down and died out of shame. In other words, I feel ever so much better.

Tread carefully, now! Only tiny creatures with no teeth and no hair get to say the "G" word to me.:)

Kanrei said...

I am balding if that counts =D

Serena Joy said...

No.:)

Liz said...

I've tried 'supaliminal' (?) messages on my daughter. Still Elder son gets married soon; think Daughter-in-law is keen ...