It's Reigning Deer

It's December in the Virginia mountains and ... it's 75+ degrees outside. Is this the Apocalypse? If it is, it is, but I kind of don't think so. It's just one of those freak weather anomalies, isn't it? I've gone Christmas shopping in shorts before, but it's been at least twenty years. And I don't recall it being this warm that time.

I put up my little funky fiber optic tree this morning. In fact, I put up two trees (and a spare in the den) -- and all the rest of the decorative accouterments I'm using this year. It was nothing short of surreal to be doing the holiday decorating in shorts and tank top, windows flung open, and still sweating.

The candles are in the windows, the wreaths are on the doors, and the rest of the tacky-sparkly junk I love so much is strewn all over the house. There's a big brass sleigh, sans Santa, full of red and white silk poinsettias on the hearth. I put fat Santa back in the bag after the dog barked at him. I may rethink that one later on, or maybe not; I do hate causing my dog psychic distress.

My seasonal music boxes are out. Who else but me would simply adore the red-nosed, antlered Rudolph music box? There are also those big, puffy pillar candles in all hues and patterns littering every tabletop, nestled in their little rings of holly and pine decorated with pine cones, apples, bows, and glitter.

The dining room table looks pretty with its white cloth and green and gold runner. For the centerpiece, I put three white candles in the candelabrum, flanked by a lacy brass screen-type candle holder with three green pillar candles. Once I surrounded that with a few strategically placed garlands of greenery and stood a few tiny reindeer in them, that was good to go. We won't talk about the piles of boxes, bags, and rolls of tape and wrapping paper at each end of the table. If all goes as planned, they'll disappear by midnight on Christmas Eve.

Decorations entail a lot of work, and it will be a lot of work again on New Year's Day when I have to take it all back down and pack it away. It's worth it, though, to keep holiday visitors from looking askance at me beneath raised brows and thinking, "Mmm-hmm, Ms. Scrooge. She didn't decorate. What a slacker."

Speaking of slackers, we do have Twisted Linguistics today. I mean, did you think we wouldn't?


vere ocure - This is a particularly poignant Latin prayer, a very plaintive plea for a cure for some dread disease.

devorced - What Southern couples who are no longer married to each other are.

plack - What one receives in recognition for accomplishing some less than stellar feat.

pre maid - Describes the period of household chaos prior to the time one acquired some help.

hosptol - Small kiosks in shopping center parking lots where drive-by medical attention is dispensed.

particukllar - Something specific to a designated Slavic locale.

tramatic - A play in which the drama is so intense that it leads to lingering mental distress.

explaination - When the president of a country makes excuses to its citizens.