Thursday, November 09, 2006

But -- Wait!

The waiting is the hardest part,
Every day you see one more card,
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart,
The waiting is the hardest part.

("The Waiting," Tom Petty)

I'm not a very good waiter. At times, like times when instant gratification is a distinct and within-reach possibility, I hate waiting.

The waiting is over in the case of the Virginia Senate race. George Allen gave his concession speech today and put to rest any further talk of a recount. I did detect a few "sour grapes" notes, but you see that all over the place. There was a little of his practically trademarked hotdogging in evidence as well but, likewise, you see it all over the place. Bottom line, it's over. Let's hope that the focus now shifts to statecraft and the quest for some real solutions to the issues which have caused the most divisiveness.
Another joke, "Southern Restaurant" --

Never choke in a Southern restaurant...

Two good ol' boys walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
As promised, here is Twisted Linguistics. Some of the words were spotted by Roxan, some by me, and were rushed by high-speed waaaambulance to Word Rehab.

haven't received royalists on my book - This is clearly someone who's written an underground book about restoring a monarchy to some country.

my book was print by - Will somebody PLEASE tell this girl that the past tense of print is printed?! This is driving me freakin' crazy.

caudle - To pet and pamper a patient while cauterizing a wound.

brith - The breath of an Englishman. Or I guess it could also refer to the birth of a Brit.

sotry - A drunken person who is apologetic.

braught - A temperamental child whose tantrums come to naught.

thinkink - Naughty thoughts running through one's mind.

anoter - Little mini-reminders to oneself; e.g., when going to the 7-11, write yourself a noter so you won't forget the milk.

yopu - A gangsta revision of the "Pooh" story in which Winnie becomes a gangbanger called "Yo, Pu!"

getting publish - This person would perhaps be interested in joining the ranks of the place where books are print.

ineer turmoil - Person with a raging ear infection.

whay ever - What Little Miss Muffet said to the sheep who suggested she eat some curds.

explainations - An expatriate from one of the Plains Nations tribes.

Ed Bradley, best known for his long tenure at "60 Minutes," passed away today at the age of 65 from leukemia.


Hale McKay said...

Let's hear it for the "hind-lick maneuver." LOL - Great joke.

I like your Twisted Linguistics. It reminds me that I haven't posted my "Fractured Etymology" in a while.

ex.1- aftermath - when I had English.
ex.2- Larceny - stealing Far Side Cartoons.
ex.3-conduction - the rare occurence of duct tape not fixing something.

Ah, so the next time, I get "bloggers-block" - I'll post one of these.

Thanks for the inspiration.

I'm only about half-way through your story. I can't seem to get into it. It's probably a combination of being tired from work and a lot of other things going on around here.

Kanrei said...

That is a new low for you Serena. Well done =D

Serena Joy said...

Please give me a heads-up next time you do Fractured Etymology. I love that stuff.

Listen, if you never make it through that story, it's no big loss. I'm having distinct second thoughts about even leaving it up.

Kan, I don't know -- low may be the way to go. Or do I mean high? Would I go lower if I were high? These are supremely important questions to ponder. :)

RexZeitgiest said...

ahahahahahhahahhaaha.........I love it.....The only thing that would make it better, is if it was his sister and his mother, and they didn't know it....

Allen / Limbaugh 08!

(ok, thats a joke)

Serena Joy said...

Thank God you added the "that's a joke" disclaimer, Rex. You just about gave me a heart attack. LOL.

RexZeitgiest said...

I meant to say, Harris / Haggard '08!

Serena Joy said...

That would be a hell of a hysterical race. Just think of the posters, cartoons, etc., we could draw. And the demented campaign slogans that could be generated. I think we ought to start organizing it now. LOL!

RexZeitgiest said...

Its would almost be as funny as Clinton / Dean....Now THAT would be hilarious...

RexZeitgiest said...

I did the name thing and 5 people have my name....None have my Rex Z. name....

Serena Joy said...

That's a pretty neat little doohickey, huh? Apparently, 22 other people have my name. The good news is, if somebody's after me there are 22 chances that they'll get the wrong person. LOL.

Liz said...

Ha ha ha!

Steve G said...

Nothing like a good hind lick. Although, a good hind kick will work just as well.

Moristotle said...

I feel a limerick coming on. Give me tonight to think about it.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, goody -- a Moristotelian limerick. This will be good.:)

Moristotle said...

There was an old writer of limerick
Who, inspired by a joke about Heimrich,
Here told his intent
Then came back content
To display his meter-and-rhyme trick.

Serena Joy said...

Bravo! That could have gone several different ways. LOL.

Southern Writer said...

Ooh. Reminds me of a time I was working in a restaurant and an old man appeared to be choking. Everyone was freaking out, so I performed the Heinlich maneuver on him. Turns out it wasn't such a great idea. He was having a heart attack. :(

Moristotle said...

I pulled a bit harder:

A growing-old writer of limerick,
Being choked by a joke about Heimrich,
  Went into his mind,
  Reached round from behind,
And conjured this meter-and-rhyme trick.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, my, Lesia -- that must have freaked you completely out. I think most peoples' instinct would have been to do the same thing, though.

Yay, Mori! The revised version is even better.

Moristotle said...

I so appreciate your cheering me on, dear Serena! My old friend Chuck Finn acknowledges you in his critical analysis of "The Limerick Maneuver" (today on my blog).

And Steve G wrote a limerick by way of commenting on my limerick. Damn, this is fun!

Serena Joy said...

I went, I saw, I laughed.:) Serena gets out crystal ball and foresees Limerick Mania on horizon. Write on!