Monkey Business

There's a monkey hunt on where I live. A little 12-year-old, 20-pound female macaque (Japanese snow monkey) escaped from the local zoo last Sunday. Despite intensive searches and a couple of credible sightings, the little girl's still on the lam.

The zoo is on top of a mountain, surrounded by roughly 500 acres of forest. Clearly, it's hard to spot one small animal in that environment. People, armed with bananas and pet carriers, are out hiking the slopes, calling her name. Her name, by the way, is Oops; her parents had been deemed incapable of reproduction. Oops. Anyway, there are lay people out looking, along with trained search teams, zoo employees, even a professional Search and Rescue team. They've seen a few signs, bagged a little scat, but still no Oops. Thankfully, there aren't any large predators in the area where she's probably roaming. Oops is demonstrating some foraging and other survival skills, so everyone's praying she'll be all right and will turn up safe and sound.

The Word Patrol has been on duty today as well. We note these Crimes Against Words from today's blotter:

Sentance - Assault with a deadly keyboard

She oreder 10 - Word battery involving mutilation

Dissention - Rape of a word

Devistating - This poor word was robbed of its "a." And these robberies are becoming more widespread -- today's user learned it directly from the first person who mugged it. We're thinking of tacking on a charge of Inciting to Riot.

i just shrugged - Perp arrested for vagrancy. What's up with somebody too lazy to hit the shift key? No professional-caliber writer would do that, so this one's been locked up for loitering and general shiftlessness.

Hunmdreds - The take in an early-morning convenience store robbery by a couple of really bumbling crooks. Money recovered, crooks lined up for public snickering.

Your so cute - Arrested for felonious carelessness

Broke my hard - Sex crime interrupted? I don't even want to go there.

Morgage - More ... what? Somebody hand me the cuffs.

Your're right - Since heinous circumstances are involved in this murder of tense, this one's a capital offense.

It's time for the Word Patrol to hit the streets again. Be safe out there.