Saturday, January 24, 2015
And Now It's 2015
I know, I know – I’ve been absent from my blog for a long time. Seems like I was always busy with this, that, or the other. I meant to return during the Christmas shopping season, but then something terrible happened.
My S.O. of nearly seven years died suddenly from a massive heart attack three weeks before Christmas. I spent the holidays in a state of shock and grief. It still doesn’t seem real, that he’s really gone. But he is, and I’m doing the only thing I can do – putting one foot in front of the other.
In retrospect, it seems like the last five years were chock-full of tragedy and/or bad luck – the deaths of my mother (and subsequent family drama), father, and dog; the accident in which I broke my hip; a year of unemployment. And he was there with and for me through all of it. I loved him, and I never had one moment’s doubt that he loved and cherished me, and I miss him so much.
The world – and my heart – seems like a mighty empty and lonely place right now.
He loved my red hair; he always said it was what first drew him to me. So you know what I did? The day after Christmas, I bleached it blonde. Good idea? Not so good? Who knows. Took me four or five processes, sometimes only a day or two apart, to get the red tones out. Then it looked too blonde to me, so I used yet another product. For now, I think I’ll be grateful it didn’t fall out and leave it alone.
I’ll get over feeling shell-shocked eventually. Probably. I have no idea what the future holds – certainly, none of the remaining things we planned to do together. Typically, I embrace change and challenge. This one, I didn’t see coming and it’s kind of gobsmacked me. But I’ll land on my feet. I always do.
I’m thankful that I have a job to go to that keeps me busy and my sweet little pup at home. And I’m glad I still have my blog where I can say whatever is on my mind.
Other than this, I don’t know what to say, so I think I’ve said enough for now.