Saturday, January 24, 2015

And Now It's 2015

I know, I know – I’ve been absent from my blog for a long time.  Seems like I was always busy with this, that, or the other.  I meant to return during the Christmas shopping season, but then something terrible happened.

My S.O. of nearly seven years died suddenly from a massive heart attack three weeks before Christmas.  I spent the holidays in a state of shock and grief.  It still doesn’t seem real, that he’s really gone.  But he is, and I’m doing the only thing I can do – putting one foot in front of the other.

In retrospect, it seems like the last five years were chock-full of tragedy and/or bad luck – the deaths of my mother (and subsequent family drama), father, and dog; the accident in which I broke my hip; a year of unemployment.  And he was there with and for me through all of it.  I loved him, and I never had one moment’s doubt that he loved and cherished me, and I miss him so much.

The world – and my heart –  seems like a mighty empty and lonely place right now.

He loved my red hair; he always said it was what first drew him to me.  So you know what I did?  The day after Christmas, I bleached it blonde.  Good idea?  Not so good?  Who knows.  Took me four or five processes, sometimes only a day or two apart, to get the red tones out.  Then it looked too blonde to me, so I used yet another product.  For now, I think I’ll be grateful it didn’t fall out and leave it alone.

I’ll get over feeling shell-shocked eventually.  Probably.  I have no idea what the future holds – certainly, none of the remaining things we planned to do together.  Typically, I embrace change and challenge.  This one, I didn’t see coming and it’s kind of gobsmacked me.  But I’ll land on my feet.  I always do.

I’m thankful that I have a job to go to that keeps me busy and my sweet little pup at home.  And I’m glad I still have my blog where I can say whatever is on my mind.

Other than this, I don’t know what to say, so I think I’ve said enough for now.


Skunkfeathers said...

Glad to see you back and my sincere condolences for your loss. May 2015 bring you renewed happiness while keeping the best of memories.

Serena said...

That's so sweet of you, Skunk. Thank you.

Lee said...

Oh, Serena...I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this sounds trite to say/write, but it's not meant to be or sound that way. I really do feel for you and feel your sorrow. How absolutely devastating for you.

If it helps, write all your thoughts down...and your memories...cherish every single one.

My hugs are with you. And don't hold your tears in...let them flow freely. Take good care and cuddle that little furry mate of yours. It's great that you have your little pup with you at home. My best thoughts and wishes are with you, my dear.

Serena said...

Thanks, Lee. I never hold anything in, and that helps. It's getting a little better each passing day.

quid said...

I am so, so, sorry Serena.
I hope you are coping.


Serena said...

Thanks, Quid. I'm doing okay. Things are just ... different.