Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Special Delivery

Santa and Christmas Tree
Dear Santa,


I can do without perfume this year. I probably smell (passably) okay without it.


And I can live without jewelry. I already have a bit of bling that I can wear.


I don't need any shoes or sweaters or belts, so we can dispense with those.


I already have plenty of glass and china and crystal stuff, all of which has to be dusted every year or so, so you can give that to someone needier and more collectibles deprived than I.


I'll tell you what I do need, Santa, and what I crave and desire more than anything else: serenity! I want some peace of mind, Santa. I want my stress level reduced. Big-time. And immediately. I want a transcendental calm to descend upon me and cloak me in huge warm fuzzies. You can get me this, Santa, right? I think you can, and I'm depending on you.


Thank you ever so much!


Love and kisses,
~Serena



P.S. -- If you let me down, you perhaps don't want to know about my sharp elbows and knobby knees and the tender places on rotund, white-bearded gentlemen wearing red velvet they can, um, collide with.

Winking Santa

13 comments:

Marion said...

Dear Serena,

You can get some awesome shiny, sparkling vintage costume jewelry at Etsy.com that looks better than the real thing at bargain prices. Go for it!!

Try Sarah Jessica Parker's perfume, "Lovely". It's inexpensive at Marshall's and is light and smells heavenly.

And lastly, dear lady, move to a state where medical marijuana is legal. (You have STRESS!!) I hear from others that the new hootch is killer and will totally erase your stress and probably most of your memory. Ho, Ho, Ho!!!

Love,
Santa

G-Man said...

It's much more stressful with no paycheck Sherry.
Keep Looking...xox

Snowbrush said...

Hey, Marion is here! I know Marion.

Yeah, let that perfume stay on the shelf. That stuff makes my nose stop up, and smells better on a flower than on a woman anyway.

I noted that you didn't say WHICH side of normal you're on.

/t. said...

did you
just threaten santa?!?

i can't believe i'm seeing this

you just threatened santa, didn't you!?!

SERENA JOY, THIS IS NO WAY TO GET ONTO SANTA'S GOOD LIST

× × ×

/t.

Serena said...

That's some excellent advice, Santa Marion! Especially that new medical hootchie stress killing thingie. Yeah, I want that -- in bulk! And if it erases most of my memory, who cares? You make a hell of a good Santa, girlie.:-)
xox

Oh, I know it, Mr. G. Some (most) days I'm tempted, though. Couldn't you put a bug in Santa's ear for me? You know I've been a good girl.:)

Hi there, Snowbrush, and welcome to my humble blog. Yep, I know Marion from way back; she's practically my sister. She is perfectly adorable, isn't she? As to which side of Normal (what IS normal, anyway?) I'm on, I'd have to say the south side.:)

Well, yeah, I kinda did, /t. You perhaps begin to see why I'm reduced to begging for a little serenity. And I ain't above kneeing Santa to get it.;)

Snowbrush said...

"As to which side of Normal (what IS normal, anyway?) I'm on, I'd have to say the south side.:)"

Here on the Left Coast in Oregon, we say we're "Northwest of Normal," and, since Marion suggested it to you, I'm point out that we have legal medical marijuana.

Serena said...

Snowbrush, if you and Marion recommend it, I'm all for it.:)

Snowbrush said...

Serena, if you're really interested, please go back to my next to the last post in which I wrote about it. Because I suffer from chronic pain, I've been on many narcotics and sleeping pills, have had many surgeries, and have undertaken many other treatments as well. Medical marijuana is just one more, although it has done me more good than most at less risk.

quid said...

I'm sending you some serenity by thought waves. Right now. Hope you're not sleeping. You'll feel the impact.

quid

Serena said...

I read your post, Snowbrush. Sounds like you've been through a lot. Wow.

Oooo, I felt that, Quid. Thank you, ma'am! Keep those waves coming and maybe I won't have to do anything evil to Santa.:)

Marion said...

SJ, Snow (as I call him) is a great friend and a philosopher to boot. He's really Southern, (as he absconded from the great state of Mississippi) and moved to the Left Coast many years ago. He's my expert on medical MJ. And he also has a killer sense of humor.

xoxo,
Marion

Snowbrush said...

Marion flatters me unduly as I'm hardly an expert on medical marijuana except inasmuch as I've repeatedly taken way too much and had numerous bad trips including the one where I couldn't even crawl to the bathroom to throw-up, and had to do it flat on my face on the polished oak floor in my bedroom. Prior to that, I didn't even know marijuana could make a person puke. Well, trust me, you don't want to do enough pot to need a good puke because although you'll know you're not dying, you'll sure feel like you are, and it won't be a pretty kind of a death either.

"I'll tell you what I do need, Santa, and what I crave and desire more than anything else: serenity!"

Then don't babble. Drink champagne instead because the bubbles surround the babbling impulse and suffocate it. Let's see...is that right? No, the bubbles fertilize the babbling impulse, so maybe champagne isn't what you need after all. My best answer for the holidays is to stay away from the gift-giving insanity as much as possible.

Serena said...

I can tell that Mr. Snow has a wicked sense of humor, Marion. And humor is THE best medicine for whatever ails one. And I love it that he hails from Mississippi. I've only been there once but loved what I saw of it.:)

Oh, my word, Mr. Snow, that pot did some job on you, huh? I hate throwing up and will practically tie a bag over my head to avoid it. LOL. Ahhh, if only one could avoid the gifting insanity...:)