In the spirit of noblesse oblige and because, well, it's just the kind of person I am, I am
Unlike many wrinkle creams and erectile dysfunction remedies, I can't, of course, guarantee results. But then, I don't really give a flying fluck about results. All I care about is that during her nice serene stay in the far, far away asylum, she'll be out of my hair. A certifiable boss out of sight, out of mind (literally) in a forbidding institution with crenelated towers and rubber rooms -- in, say, Sri Lanka -- whose methods, cleanliness, and success rate I couldn't care less about translates into a much happier Serena. I'm the one who needs the serenity. She doesn't deserve any. As you may have intuited by now, a happy Serena is much preferable to a pissed off Serena.
All contributions will be accepted with such maniacal glee you wouldn't even believe it. One Dollar, Five Dollars, a Thousand -- it doesn't matter. Just do it! You'll feel good for having contributed to such a worthy cause, and I know you won't say anything if I skimp on her treatment a little (okay, a lot) and go get a facial and a pedicure and a few new outfits.
And by the way, we won't be sending Skank Girl with her. They'd enjoy that too much. No, I have other plans for our trailer-park Lady Chatterley. I'll let you know when it's time to get charitable again and donate to that fund. That one might cost a little more. There's quantum physics, dark matter, black holes, and a little junk science involved.