Calling Glinda!

This ain't Kansas any more, Toto. Seriously, there's way too much bad news going on all around us. What we need is a Good Witch with a shiny, nice-looking wand that she's not afraid to wield.

GM is in bankruptcy and God only knows how far-reaching the trickle-down effect will be. If the mere thought of Government Motors doesn't scare the pants off you, it should.

There was the doctor, George Tiller, shot to death in a Wichita church on Sunday because he performed abortions. Whatever your beliefs on the subject, murder is not a way to advance your cause. Murder is wrong under any circumstances. There are, of course, those who will say so what, the doctor murdered babies. Whether he did or didn't -- and we could split hairs and argue fundamental philosophy 'til the cows come home and still never agree -- two wrongs never have made a right and still don't. Unless we want to live in a state of anarchy, we can't go back to such Old Testament concepts as "an eye for an eye" or "live by the sword, die by the sword." There are a lot of things in this world that I don't like. I detest my redneck neighbors, but I'm sure as hell not going to shoot them. What kind of stupid statement would that make?

The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor are almost certain to get nasty before all is said and done. It's a fact of life these days that potentially any statement one has ever uttered will be resurrected and analyzed to death the second you hit the public spotlight. I am hereby announcing my intention to never run for public office and run the risk of every ill-advised remark I've ever made coming back to bite me in the butt.

North Korea has lost its dippy little mind. Here's this backward, isolated, backwater little country roaring like a lion and playing with nuclear toys, basically giving the finger to the rest of the world. They've reopened a nuclear plant, conducted underground nuclear tests, and are playing with rockets -- one pointing at Alaska. As if that weren't scary enough, they're putting two American journalists on trial Thursday who could face sentences of fifteen years of hard labor. Or worse, considering the current political climate in North Korea. These two young women, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, apparently strayed completely accidentally over the Chinese/North Korean border and have been in a North Korean prison since March. In light of the nuclear sabers North Korea is rattling, I would think the diplomatic community may be hesitant to intervene for the nonce. One doesn't like to antagonize bullies, after all -- especially not a bully who wouldn't hesitate to threaten nuclear retaliation for questioning their activities, no matter how odious.

The disappearance of Air France flight 447 touches an atavistic nerve in all of us -- monster storms, hellish lightning, deep, dark, frigid water, and an entire airliner just ... gone. I can't imagine anything much more terrifying than hurtling helplessly into a night sea. If they ever even find this plane, and I'd hate to predict the odds when we're talking about thousands of square miles of open water, they may or may not figure out what happened. It is the depths of the Atlantic, after all, and divers can do only so much. If they never find a trace of it, well, this is what gives rise to concepts such as "Lost," I suppose. It is a sad and horrifying event, but such is the stuff of legend.

I think we won't even discuss Susan Boyle's nervous breakdown, Jon and Kate's continuing psychodrama, whether Jimi Hendrix was actually murdered by his manager, or (oh, the horror of it!) politically incorrect political jokes. Can you believe the poor delicate flocks are actually in an uproar because Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-N.Y.), upon learning that President Obama was going to NYC for the weekend, joked to a New York Daily News reporter, "Make certain he doesn't run around East Harlem unidentified." That, of course, was in reference to one Harlem police officer recently mistaking another Harlem police officer for a thief and shooting him dead.

I'd much rather meet up with some fun-loving Munchkins and taunt a few flying monkeys. Who's up for a trek to the Emerald City with me?