Monday, May 18, 2009
There Are Neighbors, and Then There Are Neighbors
I'm going to acquaint you with a set of my neighbors today. I haven't said anything about them before, mainly because it was too embarrassing. This bunch lives across the hall from me. The thing is, I don't even know for sure who all is living in there; scary looking people are always coming in and out. When I first moved in, it was one guy, his girlfriend, and two children -- one his, one theirs. The landlord told me this guy was 22 or 23 years old, which rather made me do a double-take when I saw that his child was at least 6 years old. (And I hate to even think about the mother if this goober was able to get custody.) Theirs was just an infant. The landlord also told me that the guy's mother lived in another unit here, and that the guy followed her here from another state, as did his brothers from time to time. That was fine with me. It was all family-oriented. No problem. Both the boy and his girlfriend had lots of piercings and tattoos and were unemployed, but it was no skin off my nose.
And then (in February or March, IIRC), the girlfriend moved out. She took the infant, and the older child began spending most of his time at the grandmother's place. The guy across the hall stayed pretty much to himself. And quiet. And then -- and then this guy who looks like some kind of mutant showed up about six weeks ago. I'm assuming it's a brother, because he, too, heads for the mother's place at mealtime. Both guys have what is one step removed from shaved heads -- what do you call that, a buzz cut? -- but with long sideburns. The brother has so many facial piercings that he looks like he's been hit by shrapnel. They both wear undershirts as outerwear, and the brother wears big, thick bling with his. The actual tenant drives a junker with no muffler. The brother has no car at all and is, of course, unemployed. They look like escapees from the cast of "Deliverance," and I know they scare people when they're just hanging out out front, staring vacantly, smoking incessantly and tossing the butts on the ground (forbidden in the lease, but then so are loud parties), and spitting on the (wooden) sidewalk.
Their mother appears to be as socially backward as her boys, and she doesn't work, either. How they pay the rent and live is beyond me. She had a live-in, but he disappeared around the same time as her son's girlfriend.
Now, it beats me who'd want to party with this crew, but party they do. They've been averaging two or three loud, late-night parties a week. I've e-mailed the landlord at least three times about it and left one midnight phone message. So far, they're still there, although the last party was Thursday night. Now I'm using Serena Will Power on them. They'll never know what hit 'em, but they did ask for it. I don't care what happens to them. If they get a jazzed up Swine Flu, if a meteor takes out their apartment, if a falling chunk of frozen airplane poo conks them on the head, if they're abducted by aliens, if they fall into bottomless sinkholes, if they get arrested for being uncouth... Whatever. It's no skin off my nose. All I care about now is that they get gone. They asked for it. I'm about ready to tell the landlord that if I had wanted to live in a backwoods trailer park, I could have moved into a real one for a hell of a lot less than I'm paying to live here.
You know, we had a 3.0 earthquake here early Saturday morning. That's a pretty rare occurrence in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Why, oh, why couldn't the quake have shaken them up and rearranged their brain cells, resulting in ... a little sense?
The main reason I chose this apartment was because the landlord assured me it was a "safe, clean, quiet community." Well, it's clean and safe. I'll give him that. But quiet? Puh-leeze. He also told me that mostly older, professional people lived here. There may be 4 or 5 older people here, and he didn't mention a word about the dozen-plus screaming toddlers.
I'll save the tale of the other problem neighbor at the other end of the complex for another day.
Well. Y'all have a great Monday, you hear?