Monday, February 09, 2009
Can Somebody Tell Me: Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Goosing?
Today's question -- and a very tough question, I might add -- comes from the incorrigible Skunkfeathers. I'll answer it the best I can, and hereby promise to get you back one of these days, Mr. Skunk.
The question: If a sheep is a ram, and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?
All righty, then. Goosing (all bird-related definitions notwithstanding) is defined as a poke, prod, or pinch to the buttock(s). Ram (zoologically speaking) being defined as a male sheep and understanding that a donkey is technically defined as a domesticated ass (Equus asinus) and an ass being (1) any of several hoofed mammals of the genus Equus, resembling and closely related to horses but having a smaller build and longer ears, and including the domesticated donkey, or (2) a vain, self-important, silly, or aggressively stupid person, the answer to the question becomes almost self-explanatory. If you put a ram and a sheep and an ass in the same barn at the same time and introduce one rude goose into the bucolic fray, the only possible result is a down and dirty ménage à trois with more howling, honking, butting, and braying than any human ought ever to hear.
Are we now crystal clear on that? Good! And now if we could get an easier question for next week's Can Somebody Tell Me, that would be lovely.
Y'all do know there's a full moon tonight? You got that, right? Happy Monday to you, anyway, and for God's sake, stay out of barnyards tonight.