Monday, November 17, 2008

From the (Slightly) Warped PDR

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NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT: Ant extract that treats mom's depression and fatigue by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

EMPTYNESTROGEN: Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?"

BUYAGRA: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENTA: Spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT: When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

8 comments:

G-Man said...

I believe that you have been on Flipitor and Buyagra for a while my dear..hehehee.

I hope you are feeling well today Sherry.

xobgxo

VE said...

All guys are given an emergency supply of Peptobimbo upon reaching puberty along with instructions on when to use it during dating...

ha ha...funny stuff!

Serena said...

Why, yes, I have, Galen. They provide a pretty good rush, but I think I'm ready to move up to Damnitol now.:-)

VE, is Peptobimbo pink?:)

puerileuwaite said...

I shouldn't have read your post just before taking a nap. I wound up dreaming of yet another pill called "Viagnes". Apparently it "works" as advertised, but only with females named "Agnes".

Serena said...

Well, there have to be a few Agneses out there, Puggy. You could be the guinea-pug, try it, and let us know what happens -- unless it's really bad. Then I don't want to know.:)

Mona said...

Great! when do they hit the market???

Skunkfeathers said...

I think that Damnitol may be the generic version of F*kitol, for which I have a photo ad, somewhere ;)

Serena said...

Soon, Mona. Soon!:-)

I've had that F*kitol before, Skunk. It really mellows you out.:)