Monday, May 05, 2008

Things Are Weird All Over

Friday, I paid $3.89 a gallon for gas. Three. Eighty. Nine. I can yell and moan and stamp my foot all I please, but you and I both know it'll probably cost even more next time I need to fill up. I suppose I could buy a bicycle -- except I'm a little scared of the fact that there's a car versus bike accident every time you turn around. The bike almost always loses. Work is too far away to walk. I suppose that if I started out around 5:00 A.M., I might make it in on time. Except that I'd probably get mowed down by a car in the dark. There are also car versus pedestrian accidents every time you turn around. The car always wins. Considering the high cost of fuel, taxes, insurance, yada-yada, it might be cheaper to just dump my car and take a taxi to work. Although... I haven't checked taxi rates lately, but they're probably way up, too.

Things are just weird all over. Period. End of story. There's snow where snow doesn't belong at this time of year, and drought where you wouldn't expect it. There are wildfires and floods, earthquakes and sinkholes all over the place. The economy is screwed skewed, and no amount of spin can negate that indisputable fact. There's been a whole slew of out-of-season tornadoes. "Extinct" volcanoes are erupting. Which reminds me -- in the event of my sudden and unexplained disappearance, do ask questions. Trust me, in these times, it would not be out of the realm of possibility that I could get sacrificed to the volcano gods. As many mountains as there are around here, you just know that one of them has to be an extinct volcano. And, as we have already surmised, extinct no longer means extinct, any more than is means is or tax relief means relief on any scale comprehensible to humans. Somebody come and look for me around the edges of the crater. If you happen to find a Really Rosy fingernail or a gnarly toe bone or a little gold dogwood earring, you'll know what happened. Light a candle for me -- and pray there are no ruptured gas lines nearby.

Anyway... Things are weird all over. For real and for true. Weird, I tell you. What does it all mean? Beats me. It might have some esoteric meaning to someone who can read chicken bones and goat entrails and decipher it all. To me, it just means things are weird. And that I'm staying out of sight just in case any of my neighbors are thinking about propitiating the volcano gods in hopes of trading for better gas prices.

Today's Words Gone Wild are exceedingly weird, too.

I've got these covered:

embaressment - The act of waking up naked in public.

enyway - MLM program for selling the Enya method of singing.

conisder - A much more powerful event than a conniption fit.

the reading pubic - Homework assignment in Sex Ed class.

See what you can do with these:

I feel more sorrier


VE said...

Yep, things are weird all over and there ARE sink holes all over the place. Why, I was just in the kitchen and the water from the faucet went right down this sink hole. Amazing....

Bilbo said...

Yes, things are weird all over. I live in the accretion disc surrounding the monstrous black hole that is Washington. I know.

percetnage - a clever linguistic twist used by the writers of the fine print in credit card statements to evade search engines' ability to spot the fact that they're actually charging you 27 percent interest.

I feel more sorrier - every day, but not for people earning more than $1 billion per year.

watermellon - Andrew Mellon's sister, who went into synchronized swimming rather than high finance.

embecil - a drug to tamp down those burning embers left over from your bygone love affair.

cigertte - the latest in "healthier" cigarettes. Instead of being made longer, it's being made shorter.

kenw - the boyfriend of barbiew.

Anonymous said...

like it hot
like it cold
like it covered
in a green green mold
and throw'd into a live volcano

me, i like it weird


¤ ¤ ¤


Roxan said...

I believe I paid $3.49 the other day. Luckily my car doesn't take much to fill up.
I miss gas wars.

puerileuwaite said...

Well there goes my dream of you and I escaping from all of this B.S. to a secluded island in the Pacific.

dons_mind said...

i was trying to remember from where i stumbled onto your site and how long ago it was - but age tends to encourage forgetfulness at times and i really can't remember how or when i got here - - but i always enjoy stopping here and catching up on your posts! weird things everywhere...... :) :)

Pink said...

I work in climate change. I don't think its weird or unrelated. If we stop burning fossil fuels we may see less of these natural disasters...or we may just be too late.

Solutions 1. move closer to work. 2. take public transport (don't balk - I do it everywhere) and 3. try carpooling.



Serena Joy said...

VE, I'm not at all surprised to hear about your kitchen sink hole. It's a sign of the times, dude. Why, there's one that magically opened up Saturday in a road I travel 2 or 3 times a week. I'll be keeping vigil in my kitchen tonight, because you just never know.:)

Oh, my, Bilbo, you really are in a black hole. Just watch out for the black helicopters. Your definitions are superb today. I'm particularly grateful for your explanation of "percetnage." I'm going to be watching my fine print.:)

Happy Monday, /t.! I escaped the wrath of the volcano today but, woe is me, the day ain't over yet. I think I'll just lay low 'til the danger has passed -- or somebody else gets tossed in.:)

My car doesn't take much, either, Roxan. I drive a tiny freakin' Smurfmobile, for heaven's sake. Still, filling its little tank has become an expensive proposition. The return of the gas wars might be a good thing.:)

I don't know, Puggy. Surely there's one teensy island or atoll with no volcanoes on it. You hunt for it and I'll start packing.:)

However you got here, dons_mind, I'm always happy to see you. Stop by for a dose of weirdness any time.:)

Oh, I do think there's a connection, Pinks. I think only the disingenuous still believe there's not one. I can't move, but sooner or later I think we're all going to have to look into the solutions you suggested.:)

Little Lamb said...

You pay $3.89? I just saw gas for $3.69 and I thought that was bad!

G-Man said...

Yeah Weird.......

Serena Joy said...

I paid it only reluctantly, Lambkins. Lord only knows what it'll be next week.:)

Et tu, G? Let's hear your weird. Cheer up, though; things have to unweird sooner or later.:)

Sling said...

At first I thought,'Well,to everything there is a season..So who are we,in our brief existence,to decide what the planet should be doing in it's own time?
There are forces at work that we can't possibly decipher in our limited imaginations!'.
And then I thought,'That's just bullshit..Things are wierd.'

Serena Joy said...

Things are indeed weird all over, Sling.:)

Corn Dog said...

Gas is $4.10 a gallon out here in California unless it is the natural variety offered up readily by the dog after a plate of kibble.

Serena Joy said...

CD, we need to figure out a way to get that dog gas into our tanks.:-)