Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Ravings Of A Future Volcano Goddess

Yesterday, I voiced some apprehension about the possibility of getting sacrificed to a volcano. Today, I am here to tell you that after yesterday's misadventures, I would gladly and voluntarily do a cannonball dive into one. And if they're looking for virgins only, I would by God lie to get to the head of the line. I had to fill in for someone at work yesterday and it was, in a word, hell. If I'm ever asked to do that again, I will run fast and true in a straight line to the nearest volcano. That's how much fun it was. I don't know how much they pay the employee who was absent yesterday but, in my opinion, $500.00 per hour wouldn't be enough. I'm still exhausted from it. I try to play well with others in order to maintain my "A" in Good Conduct, but that was above and beyond. I didn't hire on to do that job, I don't want to do it, and if it happens again with any regularity, it's going to become a sticking point.

I do think I'd make a fairly decent volcano goddess, though. It's true that I don't fare well in extreme heat and can get crankier than Dick Cheny with a hot rifle and no lawyers in his sights. On the plus side, however, I'm not scared of heights, I can chant quasi-intelligently, and I look okay in a grass skirt. I love peasants and presents, which I believe are goddessly qualities. If one has to actually jump into the damned fiery hot pit to achieve goddess status, I can do it -- as long as it's on a day like yesterday. I'd probably do it quicker than my predecessor, too. The queen is dead, long live the queen.
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So. That's that. Maybe it would calm us all down to take a look at some Words Gone Wild that have thus far escaped the volcano's wrath. Y'all are going to have to define them. I'm too busy getting all my volcano goddess stuff together.

I have sole 250 of my first book
rops your heart out
prey it never happens to you


puerileuwaite said...

For you I'll spiff up my jacuzzi to look like a mini-volcano, and also completely waive the virgin requirement. Aloha!

/t. said...

sole 250
of my first book

and this in spite the raiv revuwes

goodness goddess -- again with the volcanos!


¤ ¤ ¤


G-Man said...

'You can climb the mountain,
You can swim the sea,
You can jump into the fire,
...But you'll never be free'!
(until 2:00 Thursday anyway..hehe)

Bilbo said...

poppimg - a photo of an exploding Pontiff?

wondefrful - well, there had to be one I couldn't do anything with...

actoress's - the wardrobe department's stock of insignias to be applied to the front of Superman costumes.

peeple - those with incontinence problems.

slezae - ancient Roman sleazes.

I have sole 250 of my first book - the editor must REALLY have put his foot down.

rops your heart out - a very unpleasant and powerful vowel movement.

destrpying - the act of removing the unnecessary strpys.

herion - a dead, rotting heron.

condem - distributed by the Church to the sexually active, it offers protection while reminding you of your sin.

prey it never happens to you - how the predator says grace before a meal.

Evangelcial - an ABC special on the career of Evangeline Lily from "Lost."

Bilbo said...

P.S. - there are easier ways to experience hot flashes than getting sacrificed to a volcano. Ask my wife.

Kanrei said...

So when they cast "Serena Vs the Volcano," can I be Meg Ryan to your Tom Hanks?

poppimg- a soda for pimps and G's

wondefrful- a frilly type of wonderful

actoress's- A pre-op trans thespian

peeple- the offspring of the sheeple

slezae- EZ sleaze

rops your heart out- a new rodeo event for cardiologists

destrpying- curing strep-throat

herion- a drug for birds

condem- hating rubbers

prey it never happens to you- horror movie tagline

Evangelcial- circular Tammy Faye

VE said...

Filling in for somebody else? Just blog all day...then when they complain just say "well, they never were very proficient either so I'm just mimicking..."

Serena Joy said...

Puggy, didn't Aloha Airlines go under? Damn, I hope there's a bus to the volcano.:)

And you know, /t., I'll bet that after those raiv revuwes came out, the author stuffed his pages in his shoes to plug the holes. It's been a Happy, Happy Tuesday. I still want to be a goddess, but I won't be volcano jumping today.:-)

G -- Volcano Poetry! Yay!! I know, Thursday, perhaps a bit later than 2:00. But will she be free? Does freedom really exist? Isn't freedom just another word for nothin' left to lose? But hell yeah, I'm livin' for Thursdays.:D

Bilbo, your definitions made me laugh. Poor Pope. Oh, and do give my commiserations to your wife. Hot flashes ain't nothin' to trifle with and she has my complete empathy.:-)

Geez, Kan, why do I have to be Tom? He has hairy legs. You can be Meg if you want, but I think I'll be one of the half nekkid savages. You are the word maven today. Salute! I'm still giggling.:-)

If only, VE. If only. I could pull it off for maybe 5 minutes before I got busted.:-)

Skunkfeathers said...

Volcantno: the ignorance of a burrowing rodent ;)

Condem: what Hillary and Obama are trying hard to do ;)

peeple: a sick Peep

Serena Joy said...

Oh, no, Skunk -- that poor little sick Peep. I sure hope they don't toss him in the volcantno.:)

Pink said...

You've ALWAYS been a goddess to me!

Serena Joy said...

Aww, thank you, Pinks.