Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Ravings Of A Future Volcano Goddess
Yesterday, I voiced some apprehension about the possibility of getting sacrificed to a volcano. Today, I am here to tell you that after yesterday's misadventures, I would gladly and voluntarily do a cannonball dive into one. And if they're looking for virgins only, I would by God lie to get to the head of the line. I had to fill in for someone at work yesterday and it was, in a word, hell. If I'm ever asked to do that again, I will run fast and true in a straight line to the nearest volcano. That's how much fun it was. I don't know how much they pay the employee who was absent yesterday but, in my opinion, $500.00 per hour wouldn't be enough. I'm still exhausted from it. I try to play well with others in order to maintain my "A" in Good Conduct, but that was above and beyond. I didn't hire on to do that job, I don't want to do it, and if it happens again with any regularity, it's going to become a sticking point.
I do think I'd make a fairly decent volcano goddess, though. It's true that I don't fare well in extreme heat and can get crankier than Dick Cheny with a hot rifle and no lawyers in his sights. On the plus side, however, I'm not scared of heights, I can chant quasi-intelligently, and I look okay in a grass skirt. I love peasants and presents, which I believe are goddessly qualities. If one has to actually jump into the damned fiery hot pit to achieve goddess status, I can do it -- as long as it's on a day like yesterday. I'd probably do it quicker than my predecessor, too. The queen is dead, long live the queen.
So. That's that. Maybe it would calm us all down to take a look at some Words Gone Wild that have thus far escaped the volcano's wrath. Y'all are going to have to define them. I'm too busy getting all my volcano goddess stuff together.
I have sole 250 of my first book
rops your heart out
prey it never happens to you