Tuesday, April 15, 2008

No Jack, No Giant, Just ... Magic Beans

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Yeah, I know -- I'm posting way early. I'm off to my new job this morning and I don't know what the Internet access situation is there. Therefore, I thought I'd go ahead and get it done; i.e., better safe than sorry.

Yesterday, I read about one of the strangest diets I've ever heard of. There's this fellow in England whose doctor warned him that he was at risk for bowel cancer, never mind that we're apparently all at risk for some kind of cancer every single day we beat the astronomical odds and live. Anyway, the gentleman decided that some dietary changes were in order and proceeded to implement them. Rather than add fruits and vegetables to his diet, he began eating -- are you ready for this? -- beans; more specifically, six cans or so of baked beans per day.

There is reportedly very little variety in his new diet. He eats beans with rice for lunch and beans with a potato for dinner. I always thought beans were fattening. I could have sworn that's what I was taught. Evidently, I've been greatly misinformed, though, inasmuch as he has lost 140 pounds since beginning his bean regimen because beans are actually low in fat and high in fiber. Diet food. One is constrained to wonder whether Mr. Beans has a spouse or a housemate because we're all familiar with one of the legendary side effects of bean eating. I believe it's not outside the realm of possibility that special measures for pleasant breathing might be necessary in his abode. But what the hell, he's slimming down.

Beans. Who knew?

TWISTED LINGUISTICS has some magical Words Gone Wild today.

intenational - A really tenacious national who plans to do something.

a vile of blood - Bad blood.

dashboar - Big wild pig in a hurry.

talksa - Conversing while salsa dancing.

publicate - A lewd act with a book.

successes youève had - Rejection by the aforesaid book, leading to brain damage.

Do you guys want to take a crack at these etymological oddities?

defimation of character and lible


G-Man said...

High Fiber is damn good!
I've been saying that all along..

I do love baked beans
Home-made, or out of a can...
Bring on the Thunder!!!

Good luck on your new job Sherry...
I knew you could do it...G

NYD said...

I'm with G-Man a bowlfull opf beans followed by a butterblast of seismic proportions is a welcome thang.

You know, I ain't too sure that Mr.Bean (eater) is losing weight. I think nhe's becoming more bouyant!

Give 'em hell at the new job! I know you'll knock their socks off.

/t. said...

product name of insect repellent
hillbilly entities classification -- "themsfairies, themsorcs, themselfs..."
defimation of character and lible:
contained in a letter from a hillbilly lawyer
contained in second letter from a hillbilly lawyer
winning a hillbilly legal action -- judge retires


¤ ¤ ¤


Bilbo said...

Today's etymological oddities are very difficult, especially considering my already-taxed brain state. I have only a few offerings:

themselfs - ???

defimation of character and lible - completely at a loss, here...

deterant - what you use to wash your deters.

litigible - an adjective describing the unfortunate Hindenburg.

exhonerated - a debarred judge.

supporeted - dined on a misspelled meal, likely French cuisine.

VE said...

Beans - they're not just for breakfast anymore!

Can't wait to hear about your slavery errr new job!

Serena Joy said...

LOL, G. I like baked beans, but I sure wouldn't want to have to eat them every day, all day. I don't think you'd want to be around me, either.:) Thanks for the good luck -- I do believe I can use all I can get.

NYD, you may be right about Mr. Beans's buoyancy factor. I think there's a lot of seismic activity going on, though. I don't know if I knocked their socks off today, but MINE are now off. Feels good!:)

Thank you, /t. And thanks for a delightful array of definitions. Love the hillbilly theme you have going on today.:)

I don't blame you, Bilbo. Today's oddities are almost TOO taxing. You did well with them, though. You and /t. are thinking alike on "exhonorated.":)

Oh, God, VE, I DO feel enslaved. I actually had to WORK today. I'm not happy about this, either. I'm too used to having FUN at work. I just might go buy some beans.:)

Skunkfeathers said...

themselfs: "yawp...them short, pointy-earred fellers gotsa be, shore 'nuff.."

Y'know...makin' ethanol outta corn is wreakin' havoc in food, causin' riots and hecky darn poo on a global scale. But ol' Skunk hyar has an answer, not only to the global 'food' crisis, but the global 'energy' crisis:

Beans. Eat 'em. Eat LOTS OF 'EM.

Nutritious and high in fiber. Keeps the ejectors ejectin'.

But more than that: it is the answer to solving the energy crisis in perpetuity.

New, by Bonco, UnInc: The METHANATIONIZER! A universal methane capture/synthesizer, that cranks kilowatts from kilofarts! And the METHANATIONIZER will work in almost any venue: put one in the car seat, and on one can of beans, you can drive from Boston to Denver, non-stop! Put one in every seat of a 787, and the airline industry's woes with rising fuel prices are OVER! Ships at sea...the trucking industry...coal and oil-fueled power plants...ALL A THING OF THE PASSED!

Imagine it...no more wars over oil or coal. Just an occasioned spat over the methane spritz. And for that, there's Glade Plug-ins.

Come be a phart of the coming revolution in energy! Get a METHANATIONIZER by Bonco today! HAZMAT-dressed operators are standing by!

*of course, there's a bit of a lengthy disclaimer hyar, but it's kind of a bummer...

Serena Joy said...

I can see it now, Skunk. Beans are the wave of the future. I'm buying Glade stock tomorrow. I'll make a fortune.:D

Sling said...

I weigh the same today,at 54,that I did when I was 21.
I consume mass quantities of protein,and carbohydrates.Fish,chicken,beans,cheese,whole wheat bread..like that.
Anyway,here's the deal.
Eat only when you are hungry,and eat what your body craves.
Sometimes,I eat 1 meal a day.
Sometimes,I eat all day long.
Mostly,I use food as fuel.
..I'm done talking now.

Hale McKay said...

I guess I was the only one with enough nerve - or crass enough - to blow the dust off that old grade school ditty:

Beans, beans that musical fruit;
The more you eat, the more you toot!

Hale McKay said...

Echoes of Eddie-16 has been posted.

Cute bean-eating/bean-tooting dragon by the way.

Charles said...

deterant - 1. unseen character from "A Bug's Life."
2. Putting off a hissy fit.

Serena Joy said...

That's the way I eat, Sling -- when I'm hungry, whether that means barely at all or grazing all day. My metabolism has changed, though, from when I was 21 and weighed under 100 lbs., so I do have to watch it.:)

I remember that old ditty, Mike. And a few others as well. LOL. Thanks for reminding me about "Eddie" -- I get so busy sometimes that I forget to look. Glad you like that hot little dragon.:)

Perfect definitions of "deterant," Charles. Thanks!:)