If you're sick and tired of telemarketers, here's a list of some possible come-back lines for you the next time your peace is disturbed by one of them.
- Sorry, I'm in a body cast right now. I got shot robbing a bank last week. Call me back next week, though. I still have my gun and should be back in business and have some more money by then.
- Hey! How are thee calling me? I am Amish and do not have a phone. Your voice is coming through clearly on this tomato I was about to chop, though. It's a miracle!
- This is Father Damien and we can't take calls right now. We're in the middle of an exorcism. Oh, God help us, I have to go now. She's puking pea soup again.
- Oh, thank God you called! Can you call the Pentagon, please? We're being held hostage by aliens here.
- You want to sell me WHAT? Hold on, let me ask the voices.
- Can you call back in about 12 hours? We’re having sex and I think we’re finally getting the hang of it.
- Get off my effin’ line, my house is burning down and I'm trying to call 911!
- Hello, who is this? I’m a detective and this is a crime scene, lady. I’ll need to know your name, address, phone number, how you knew the victim, and where you were last night. I’ll be around to interview you in half an hour, so don’t even think about leaving your desk.
- You have a very sexy voice. So, what’s your sign? Are you as hot as you sound? Can I call you? Give me your number, baby, so I can call you after you get off work. Ooo, I bet you smell good. Do you wear stockings or pantyhose? God, I can't get over your voice. I'm taking off my...
There are calls I do want to get -- like from prospective employers. I put in about half a dozen online applications last night for freelance editing work. I also took an "evaluation test." I had 30 minutes in which to answer 42 multiple-choice questions, which I did in 20. All I know so far is that I have "sharp editing skills." Wish me luck.
Oh, and ... Happy St. Patrick's Day!