Monday, January 28, 2008

Duck!

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Our government has (finally) announced that a 20,000-pound U.S. spy satellite has lost power and could hit the Earth sometime in February or March. The satellite can no longer be controlled. Not only that, but it contains unspecified hazardous materials. It was disclosed that the craft contains (among other things) hydrazine -- which is rocket fuel -- according to a government official who was not authorized to speak publicly but spoke on condition of anonymity. Hydrazine, a colorless liquid with an ammonia-like odor, is a toxic chemical and can cause harm to anyone who comes in contact with it. Apparently, nobody has a clue where the satellite could land when it comes down. This much (and no more) information was leaked on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret. We don't even know how long the satellite has been powerless and out of control. Well, it was good of them to expatiate that much, wasn't it? Hardly.

"Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation," a spokesman for the National Security Council said -- but not until after the situation was disclosed by other officials. That certainly doesn't make me feel any safer. You?

The secrecy issue seems to arise from the fact that (again), according to sources, an uncontrolled reentry could pose a risk of exposure of U.S. secrets. It is for that reason that spy satellites are typically destroyed by means of a controlled reentry into the ocean so that no one can access them.

Government spokesmen also said it is not feasible to shoot down the satellite with a missile. To do so would generate debris which, yes, also poses a risk of hitting the ground.

I believe that what we can deduce from all this is that there is a rogue satellite poised to fall to Earth sometime, somewhere, but nobody is willing to posit enough information to constitute a proper warning to that unlucky area. If it falls into the ocean or some uninhabited wilderness area, no problem. But what if it crashes, say, in the middle of New York City at rush hour? I guess anybody who gets whupped upside the head would be simply collateral damage. There are, of course, those areas which, if an object the size of a bus fell down and obliterated them, nobody would mind all that much. Thing is, they'd probably come out unscathed, much like cockroaches.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS feels like whupping up some Words Gone Wild today.

clearification - Zit removal procedure.

reign it in - Rule that country, Kingy-boy!

passify - To give someone a free pass in order to placate them.

falicitator - A rather lewd way of moving things along.

27 comments:

VE said...

I'll wear my bike helmet those months...that should protect me...

Roxan said...

That reminds me of the Popcorn House in Real Genius. I don't know why. It just does.

/t. said...

one
ten ton
dirty bomb
coming your way
soon courtesy of USA

with any luck the thing will land on the white house or pentagon or both

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Kanrei said...

The saddest part of it all is that this is the least of our worries right now.

Charles said...

I have to agree with the short-tailed furry-footed rodent of circumpolar distribution. The economy is in the toilet, and we keep getting news of the wayward girls of famous for no sake, but fame. Whatever happened to Presidents that were intelligent and cared about how the people were doing?

Serena Joy said...

Good plan, VE. I don't have one. I need to shop.:)

That reference is completely lost on me, Roxan. Apparently, I don't get out much.:)

Can't you write some code to guide it in that direction, /t.?:)

Ain't that the truth, Kan? Ain't it just?:)

Serena Joy said...

I hear you, Charles. I say we elect the furry-footed rodent-oriented one to do some circumpolar redistribution. Otherwise, we're all going off the cliffs soon.:)

Camille Alexa said...

Things falling form the sky are scary.

--Chicken Little

Camille Alexa said...

...from the sky.


--CL

Kanrei said...

I say we elect the furry-footed rodent-oriented one to do some circumpolar redistribution.

Take that back! What did I ever do to you?

Pink said...

you know I just bet its gonna land on a state where the democrats are leading. It figures!
xx
pinks

Charles said...

Sorry Kan, don't you have furry feet, or is it that your tail isn't short?

Serena Joy said...

They are, indeed, Camille. As are all manner of icky things that come outta nowhere and adhere to your skin.:-)

Kan, sweetie, the Head Lemming MUST sport a little furriness. It's very cute. And regardless, the Head Lemming is held in the very highest esteem. Only you stand between us and cliff's edge.:)

It probably will, Pinks. These things are so unpredictable, much like women in certain phases of the moon. In fact, I believe it will take a sufficiently annoyed woman to stave off the crash.:-)

Roxan said...

Go to my blog and scroll all the way down. I apologize for the music, but it was the only youtube I could find with the popcorn house.

Serena Joy said...

Ahhhh. Thanks, Roxan. Now I get it.

/t. said...

ha haha ha ah hahaha ha hah aha hah ahahah ah ah a hah aha aha hah ah aha ha ha!

good thought! though i think if it were possible, it surely would have been done before now! :)

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

Serena Joy said...

Or maybe it's just that nobody ever thought of it before, /t. Therefore, get thee to the drawing board. Or keyboard, as it were.:)

Anonymous said...

"There are, of course, those areas which, if an object the size of a bus fell down and obliterated them, nobody would mind all that much. Thing is, they'd probably come out unscathed, much like cockroaches."

Tee-hee. You so funny lady.

Lucy

Serena Joy said...

Tee-hee, Miz Lucy. Were you perchance thinking of a small, quaint area of Maryland?:-)

Love, Ethel

G-Man said...

Sherry...
Your writing skills NEVER fail to amaze me..
Your synopsis of this upcoming event is awesome!
I love your writing style, wit, and insight!
Brilliant bit of writing My Dear..Really!!
And this is NOT some normal G-Man bull-shit either..WOW!!!
Thanks ...xoxbgxoxox

Serena Joy said...

Well, now, G, let me get into my hip waders before I answer you.:)

Now, then... Brilliant? Moi? Bwahahahahahaha! But thanks. I think the proper thing to do now is to get up a betting pool on where that damn thing's going to crash. You in?

puerileuwaite said...

What if it fell on Osama Bin Laden's hideout? That would be funny.

puerileuwaite said...

What if it fell on Osama Bin Laden's hideout? That would be funny.

Little Wing said...

So should we all hurry and finish our bucket list?????

Serena Joy said...

That would be VERY funny, Puggy. It would be da bomb, in fact.:-)

I think so, LW. You know what they say about better safe than sorry.:)

Hale McKay said...

I don't suppose any of those mutton heads in Washington or at NASA ever thought of maintaining a navigatable space craft docked to space station for emergency use.

Then it could move into orbit near the falling satellite, pluck it out of its trajectory, and move it safely to where it won't fall?

NAh! It sounds too sensible!

Serena Joy said...

You hit the nail on the head, Mike. "Sensible" is anathema to government people. Duck!:)