Friday, November 23, 2007
Dear Miss Begotten,
Can a Southern Belle and a Damn Yankee ever find love and happiness together? Would their ideologies stand in the way, or is passion enough to carry them through?
It is theoretically possible, provided that said damn Yankee's great-great grandfather had no hand in burning down said Southern belle's ancestral home and stealing her peoples' silver, cattle, and mules. As long as that stumbling block doesn't lie in the way, I see no reason why yankees and Southern girls, striped people and polka-dotted folks, green men and pink women, yada-yada, can't find love and happiness with each other. As long as they're not of a mind to club each other, I think they can co-exist quite well. And, indeed, probably fairly passionately if that's what's on their minds.
Idealogy, now, is a whole 'nother story. More people have clubbed each other over opposing idealogies than they ever have over love and passion. Therefore, the rule of thumb when cruising for love is to be very, very sure that your views and his or hers aren't at such polar odds that they're going to start a war that neither can win.
And then -- and then there are those people who should never, on pain of firing squad, ever get together under any circumstances because their wildly diverse passions could ignite a conflagration of epic proportions.
I don't know which category I fit into. I think I used to know, but those days are gone with the wind. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.
Dear Miss Begotten,
Why does possession have 2 S's after the letter E but the word occasion only has one after A?
- Konfused Kat
Because the person who made up that rule was possessed by the evil grammar demons who took it upon themselves to mess with the alphabet and thought it would be a joyous occasion to make up a rule that would drive people berserk for many years to come.
If you have a question for Miss to answer next week, send it in.
I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. I myself am still feeling stuffed and slightly turkey-comatose.
This didn't come to me in the form of a question, so it doesn't fit into the Mailbox. It could fit quite well into TWISTED LINGUISTICS, but we aren't going to play with it. What it is, is spam I found in my spam folder yesterday. It struck me as hilarious, so I thought I'd share it with you. And who knows, somebody just might be looking for an Olga.
Write to you the woman from Russia. My name is Olga. And I'm 26 years old! I want to find the man for serious relation in your country. I am ready for creation family and want it very much. I cannot find the man in Russia for myself because it very difficultly in Russia. It is a lot of men in Russia who drink alcohol much and I'm not like it.
I want to create family and to live in your country because the government to care about people. I want to live and be sure in the future. In Russia it is not possible to live easy. I want to tell about myself a little. I live in city Yoshkar-Ola. It's 1000 km from capital of Russia Moscow. My city small and very beautiful. I work as the seller in shop home appliances. I'm cheerful woman who like to go for sports and do all what like are usual peoples.
My history: I'm with my girlfriend were going to go in your country as tourists for search of men for serious relations. But my girlfriend could not go with me. She had problems with your family. But very soon I will receive visa and I don't want to lose a chance to arrive in your country. I will receive visa in 7 days for your country. Now I'm in Moscow also and waiting for reception of my visa. It will be great if you can meet me and we can to have relations with you. I'm understand that it very strange, but probably it's desteny for you and me. I understand that you will ask me "Where did you get my e-mail?" I'm right??? ;) Ok, I got your e-mail through internet dating agency in my city. I gave them my letter and they told me that they will send my letter for 4-5 men. And I will be very happy if YOU will answer to me.
I will be very happy you will write me and we will have our meeting very soon. And it is possible we a meeting in 7 days because I can arrive to you. Please tell to me about yourself a little! What is your full name? Your age? City? I send to you my photo with hope that you will like it and answer to me back...
I will wait your answer so much...
Write to me on e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Yours new friend Olga
Well, now. Number 1, if I registered with any dating agency, Russian or otherwise, it must have happened when I was in some kind of fugue state. Number 2, I am not up for serious or any other kind of relations with Olga and/or her girlfriend. And Number 3, if I ever do sign up for internet dating, it will be with an English-speaking agency to alleviate any chances of my ending up with an Olga. Sheesh.
Speaking of TWISTED LINGUISTICS, we do, in fact, have a few Words Gone Wild for you today.
momento - A non-memorable Mexican moment that's not keepsake-worthy.
vice verse - Bawdy poetry.
be poplar - Make like a tree.
coem - Orgasmic verse.
County's like China and Russia
he has ran
they have went