Wednesday, October 10, 2007

As the Cookie Crumbles

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Wonton Food, the largest fortune cookie maker in the country, is putting some more pragmatic fortunes in some of its cookies. Instead of the consistently positive/optimistic (dare I say fluffy?) messages we're all used to getting, Wonton apparently decided to interject a small dose of reality. Reaction from diners has been mixed.

Some of the new fortunes:

Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

It’s over your head now. Time to get some professional help.

Perhaps you’ve been focusing too much on yourself.

There may be a crisis looming. Be ready for it.

Your luck is just not there. Attend to practical matters today.

What do you think? Do you want all your fortunes sugar-coated or do you like the idea of a healthy mix of positive and negative?

According to experts (yes, those ubiquitous experts whose life's ambition is to run our lives), there are five items that should almost always be replaced rather than repaired.

Digital Cameras
MP3 Players
Microwave Ovens
Cell Phones

Having looked at the repair versus replacement cost comparisons, it does seem to make more sense to simply replace the broken item. One does wonder how big a variable "engineered obsolescence" plays in this equation.

You might think that buying an extended warranty on your product is the answer. But wait! The experts agree that in the majority of cases, they are a waste of money. I myself don't buy them any more. I've never, ever had occasion to use one that I paid good money for. The product (usually a computer) always wonked out after the extended warranty expired.

Halloween decorations are going up in the 'hood. I saw one today that particularly struck my fancy, possibly because it wasn't the usual skeleton or pumpkin or zombie. It was a cauldron with a tombstone behind it, and on the tombstone, in dripping letters, was written, "Monsters Puke Here."

Dr. Pain's Haunted Asylum in Salem is into the spirit of the season, too. There's a life-size zombie standing outside the door right now, along with a coffin containing a hideously tattered corpse. Check out the Web site to get a taste of what great fun this place is.

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TWISTED LINGUISTICS arrested beaucoup Words Gone Wild today and charged every one of them with felonious impersonation of English-speaking people.

contentively - Those who are timid and unsure about being happy.

libarys - Olde French for "Where the bar is?"

freinds who had freinds - Were better off with enemies.

dislexic - One who is no longer dyslexic.

I forgat - A bad habit highly frowned upon in certain cultures.

proffesional - A confessional for business people.

suposed - Against the use of suppositories.

enleash - Refers to restraint by collars and leads, quite popular among the S&M set.

deleiver - One drunken girlfriend asking another, "Did he leave her?"

questuoning - A quest to get oneself stoned.

wuick - A wonky, broken down Buick.

reguarding - Warden to employee: "Get back in there and watch that convict again!"

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!


Charles said...

Love the second fortune, I know of a couple who could get that one, although it might better read "It's all in your head..."

Positive is good. Truthful is better.

On repair or replace, if it's something I can repair myself (say a computer,) guess what I'm doing?
I never buy their "extended warranties, chances are they are just charging you for something that is covered anyway. With electronics, there's a short period of the lifespan that is most likely to include any breakdowns, like the first month or so, then there's a fairly long period before they start breaking down again.

You Are a Little Scary
You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.
That certainly was not the answer I expected. Darn.

Kanrei said...

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?


I always loved the fortune cookie fortune of "That wasn't really duck!." Bazooka Joe had the great "help, I'm trapped in a gum factory" one I loved. I think this is a great idea. Almost as good as the "Jewish Guilt Cookies" my temple used to sell.

Serena Joy said...

I agree, Charles, that if you can fix it yourself, you should go for it. When you can't, though, I think you might as well replace it.

Jewish Guilt Cookies, Kan?! I never heard of those. LOL. I'll bet those were fun.

VE said...

I just want to replace all the fortunes for a day with "Good Luck.." and let people figure out if their own cup is half full or half empty in the interpretation.

As to replacing, can I use my Green Stamps to do so?

Serena Joy said...

Well, I like the concept, VE, and it would work ... but only with the half of the herd capable of thinking for themselves. The other half would be running around like Chicken Little. My advice re the Green Stamps is to just try it and see what happens.:)

Trée said...

I love it. Maybe Pete would still be with us if Wonton had acted earlier. :-D

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I so didn't have to take that test to know I scare the scary people.

It doesn't matter what the cookie says, just add "in bed" to the end and it'll be all good.

Serena Joy said...

I know, Trée. Poor little Pete.:)

I didn't realize I was as scary as it said, Seeley, but hey, it's all good. So would be your addition to the fortune cookies.:-)

Scary Monster said...

Them tests must be messed up. Said Me were about as scary as a feather duster.

Good lines fer fortune cookies:

Think that was chicken you ate?

Don't look now; the bill be coming.

If you think yer life is in bad shape, just look at the couple sitting next to you.

Now didn't you feel silly trying to eat yer rice with a couple of pointy sticks.

Put yer shoes back on. This be Chinese food.


Serena Joy said...

Yeah, go figure, Scary. I'm scary but Scary Monster is not. That's totally screwed. Love your fortunes!:-)

Why Scary be stumbling instead of stomping today?:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I want someone to get a fortune cookie fortune that says, "DUCK!" ...As in, bend down low 'cause somethin' is a-comin' at your head.

Better half and I call them "platitude cookies" rather tha "fortune cookies," anyway. I would enjoy seeing something interesting--besides a roach, I mean--in my cookie.

Serena Joy said...

LOL at your DUCK cookie, Greeny.:-)

Platitude cookies -- I like that. Much more than the thought of roaches.:)

G-Man said...

Extended Warranties are usually a waste of money, but when there are moving parts involved, you may want to consider one...
Fortune Cookies to me taste like an Ice-Cream Cone cone...Hahaha
I always wanted to say that!
G'Nite Sherry!!..xoxox

Serena Joy said...

You have a point about the moving parts thing, G. Makes sense. I love ice cream cones. Maybe that's why I love the taste of fortune cookies.:)

G'nite, Galen.

Sling said...

You can get a printer,with full color cartridge at Wal-Mart for $29.00..
The cost of a color cartridge sold seperately?..$32.00.

Anonymous said...

I'm not big on chinese food so I very rarely get a cookie and if I do I usually laugh at it's message.
I always thought that was the purpose of them so why change a good thing?

I don't buy the warranties either.
I usually do extensive research and read customer reviews to see the reliability of the item.
Certain name brands are known for their reliability and that's part of my decision making process.

Little Lamb said...

I heard about those fortune cookies, or rather read about them.

Serena Joy said...

Wow, Sling, that's a great example. And I didn't know you could get a printer for that price. Good to know!

I usually laugh at them, too, TC.:) Careful, informed shopping is a VERY good bet.

Hi, Lamby. I'll bet little lambs like fortune cookies.:)

Tempest Knight said...

I like some of those new messages. Heh! I already decorated my house for Halloween. *wg* Gotta love this time of the year.

Serena Joy said...

That's so cool that you've already decorated, Tempest. A lot of people around here haven't started yet, probably because it's been so hot and unHalloween-like.:)

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