Friday, August 17, 2007

Miss's Mailbox

I'm posting early today because I have to go to the vet. No, not for me, sillies -- I'm taking the dog. Although, I do trust my vet to fix up my own owies if she had to.

Yes, it's Friday again -- time for Miss Begotten to answer some of her mail. And remember, if there's a burning question you're dying to have answered, ask Miss and she just may deign to answer it (or bluff her way through it).

Dear Miss Begotten,
Can the Candyman? Really?
~Sincerely, TGF

My Dear Greeny,
Can he -- what? The answer depends entirely upon what it is you want from him. If, for example, you want him to move furniture for you, the answer is probably not. Nor would he be much good for reroofing your house, weeding your garden, or overhauling the motor in your car. If, however, you're looking for a guy who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew and cover it with chocolate, or a dude who can wrap a rainbow in a sign, soak it in the sun, and make a groovy lemon pie, he just might be your man. I hear that he makes everything satisfying and delicious. Let me see if I can find his phone number. I might call him up myself.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?

Dear G,
I do that every fifth Sunday, except when there's a full moon or something in the galaxy goes supernova. One doesn't want to mess with the devil under those extra brilliant rays because they ensure that you've already got some really powerful mojo going on and you don't really need the added boost. All in all, Miss prefers dancing alone in the moonlight. It's a supernatural delight. Maybe she will dance with you next time there's a fifth Sunday full moon. Not to worry, Miss is no black magic woman, trying to make a devil out of you.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why do fools fall in love?

Dear Anon,
Because they can't join Mensa, they can't run for public office (oh, no, wait, I take that back; they not only run but they win), they suck at crossword puzzles, they don't get hired for rocket science jobs, they aren't qualified to be fashionistas, and they can't get self-help shows on TV (being a guest on Jerry Springer is not the same thing). What else are they going to do? Leave them be and leave them to it. Fools in love are kind of cute.

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why is it so hot?
~Burning Up

Dear Burning,
I don't know. The devil is welding? Dubya is blowing smoke? It's sparks from the hooves of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? My guess is that there's meteorology and air currents and galactic patterns and expanding and contracting gasses and stuff involved, but I don't know for sure. And it's too damn hot for me to go research it. Take off your clothes, get yourself a tall, cold drink and sit in front of the AC, and just deal with it.

It may be TGIF, but TWISTED LINGUISTICS still must hold court.

Ark Angels - The guys who rode shotgun on that big boat that made it out of The Flood.

new and exiting material - Paperbacks that are bad, coming and going.

exsitance - One who was formerly able to sit.

The sonner you tell them, the sonner they'll fix it - Aztec battle cry.

enviting position - I myself am too shy to speak of this, but you can find a description on page 13 of the Kama Sutra, and a footnoted reference in The Joy of Sex. I believe it was also expounded upon in Fear of Flying (look, Ma, no zippers!).

From our not so esteemed "editor" person:
never to smart to learn

The Candyman and my dog will appreciate my score on this quiz. LOL!

Your Kissing Grade: A+

You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!


Charles said...

Gee, you've done that quiz before, haven't you? You shouldn't need a quiz to tell you such things, that's what your hubs is for.

"they not only run but they win" I LOVE it. I guess fools encompasses the class "idiots," which includes "village idiots," which includes "Texas village idiots."

My question for the next Ask Miss, is "Why does the American system encourage idiots to vote?"

Roxan said...

I'd like to hear the answer to Charles question.

Serena Joy said...

I don't know about all the ramifications, Charles, but my doggie considers me a very good kisser indeed. :-)

Thank God, it won't be as long as it has been until Texas can take back its idiot.

Yes, next week, Miss will attempt to answer the question.

Variant E said...

You forgot to answer that chicken/egg question. And then there's that meaning of life one too. Fortunately I have the teachers edition so the answers to every odd question are in the back.

Kanrei said...

Dear Miss Begotten,
Why are Mondays kinder to me than Fridays are?

Idiots are encouraged to vote because we all know an idiot won't do what you tell them to. If we did not allow them to vote, they would demand it. We allow them to and have like a 30% turnout at the polls.

Sorry to step on the Miss' toes.

Serena Joy said...

VE, Miss B dodged the bullet on that chicken/egg question because ... nobody asked. Whew!

No worries, Kan. Miss just may have a different take on that idiot question. We shall see. She will definitively answer your actual question, too. Maybe.:-)

Charles said...

You and your doggie kiss and you took your doggie to the vet today, so what affliction did you give your doggie? Its no wonder you're willing to let the vet treat you. ;D
Jus' Kiddin' of course.

Roxan said...

That's funny. I recently got something from the vet's office on why you shouldn't let your dog kiss you.
You are in serious trouble now. LOL

Serena Joy said...

Lord only knows, Charles, but what we do know is that I don't have rabies, distemper, or kennel cough.:-)

Roxan, your vet is anti-doggie kisses?! Mine was begging the pup for kisses.:)

leelee said...

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO Practice makes perfect...and I LOVE the homework ;-)

Your Kissing Grade: A
You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!

Camille Alexa said...

Why do fools fall in love?

Dear Anon,
Because they can't join Mensa...

Hee hee hee heeeeee.

snowelf said...

Serena, my favorite one was the last one!! The sparks from the hooves...
hahaha!! I love it!


Charles said...

spammer ^

Serena Joy said...

Woo-hoo, Leelee! Looks like we took our kissing lessons at the same place.:)

I'm so pleased that amused you, Camille. LOL.:)

So, you enjoy sparks, do you, Snow? Teeheehee.:)

Spam's been zapped, Charles. I don't even know why they do it. They know I'm going to annihilate it every time.:)

Lee said...

I'm glad you clarified that, Serena. I was a bit worried there for a while!

I've been slack catching up with blogs these past couple of days...sorry!

Hale McKay said...

Serena and everyone else who might have read my comment in yesterday's post, I said that for Friday I was putting up a post using Paul McCartney songs in a text like Serena did with her Elvis tribute. Sorry - but I guess I hit "draft" instead of "publish" at 23:30 AM las6t night/this morning. Anyway, it is posted now. Here it is!

Serena Joy said...

Happy to oblige, Lee.:) I've been slack, too, for which I, too, am sorry.

Stuff happens, Mike. Don't sweat it; it's up now.:)

Charles said...

Snow likes sparks so much she insists her beaus shuffle their feet over the carpet before she'll kiss 'em. ;D

Serena Joy said...

How odd. I get shocked when I do that.:)

G-Man said...

Dear Miss Begotten,
Can you really NOT teach an old dog new tricks??

Bonus Question:

Are Trix really for kids?


Pink said...

Dear Miss Begotten

Are reese's peanut butter cups REALLY responsible for crop circles?

Serena Joy said...

LOL. Questions to tax Miss's tattered brain.:-)