Friday, July 06, 2007

5 Dumb Things...

...I Did Yesterday

Myspace Layouts


1. I bought a pair of shorts. I got them home, put them on, zipped them up and ... they promptly fell down. Apparently, I had looked at the size on the tag upside down and, yep, they were 3 sizes too big. Duh. I really ought to start taking the time to try stuff on first.

2. I bought fat-free ice cream and ... caramel sauce, pineapple topping, strawberry topping, hot fudge sauce, and bananas to put on it. Duh.

3. While I was grocery shopping, I had my phone in my pocket, set to "vibrate." When it did, it scared the bejesus out of me and I jumped and squealed like I'd been Tasered. Duh. Cleared the aisle pretty quick, though.

4. I made the mistake of complaining about my Neighbors From Hell to their landlord and was ecstatic when eviction proceedings were filed against them. When I got home yesterday, I had a witness subpoena taped to my front door. Fuck. Me and my big mouth. Double-dog duh.

5. I came home with the shorts, the ice cream, bubble bath, dog food, computer paper, and some food -- but no toilet paper, butter, headache medication, or bread. I'm going to have to go back to the store today. Duh!

It's so hot, and so humid. It does feel a lot like hell. Somebody please let me out.


I had the weirdest montage of bizarre dreams last night, a kaleidoscope of Kafkaesque images and ... pretty colors. Most of them have faded from memory already, except -- the one about trying to stop time. Yes, that's right -- I was trying to help someone stop time. I don't know who, or why. The number 28 was prominently featured; don't know what that means. And there was someone in a pink leather jacket, seen only from the rear. For some unspeakable reason, I have the impression it might have been Britney Spears. If it was, God help me. I mean, I refuse to have Britney Spears invade the sanctity of my dreams. What sacrilege! I wouldn't mind beating her up and taking the jacket, but she has to go and never come back. The good news is, I'm pretty sure we failed at stopping time, possibly because Britney was high and in a hurry to lose her underwear and get to the Tarts Convention with Lindsey and Paris. I should probably never mix hot fudge sauce and caramel at bedtime again.

TWISTED LINGUISTICS

penquin - A really novel writing implement that waddles.

potry - Chickens that speak in rhymes.

It should go quicher - Let them eat quiche.

oicture - A bad oyster.

concieved - Artificial insemination that failed.

And these, ferreted out by Roxan, which kind of defy definition so we won't even try:

group learders, to busy
Gee I too just entered the listing number and up poped this thread.
brutality and mahem
Nieghbors Aquire Rights to Our Water
although the reason they're giving you is ridicoulous





Your Career Type: Artistic


You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.
You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.


34 comments:

Kanrei said...

...

Even I am spared those things in my dreams.

The dumb things you did yesterday means you had G-d's attention. I hope you made the best of it.
Oh, I am giving up on you and weather. Too hot. Too cold. Such a woman =P

Serena Joy said...

Lucky Kan, whose dreams are spared.:-) I don't know about you, but I'm really glad I'm a woman and not a man. I mean, who'd love and revere a Goddess of Girly Things with facial hair and hairy legs? For the record, my house is cold so I'm not bitching --- too much - although it is miserable outside.

ThatGreenyFlower said...

You know, some days are just like that. It only seems right that Brittney came to you in a night-time visitation, really, after a day such as the one you experienced. =)

Serena Joy said...

I don't know, Greeny. I think I'd have felt a lot better about it if it had been, say, Johnny Depp who paid me a visitation.:-)

Roxan said...

***Your Career Type: Artistic***


You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

Like I really needed a quiz to tell me this.

Serena Joy said...

Like I really needed a quiz to tell me this.

Yeah, really, Roxan. At least, we know the quiz didn't lie this time.:-)

Seeley deBorn said...

Originally I got conventinal, but I went and changed my answers because Bookkeeping is hell. Now I'm artistic. (Just cause I'm good at math doesn't mean I want to do it all day.)

Oh and WTF does Fafkaesque mean?

Charles said...

SJ,
On DT
#1. Just eat until you're a size 69.
#2. There's no fat in your toppings.
#3. I thought all women kept their cell on vibrate.
#4. Hehe, lawyers.
#5. Women love shopping.

In your dream are you sure that wasn't 23? Some of us like pastries. Like any good American, I don't like Paris. Rumor has it that hot fudge sauce and caramel are fun in bed.

Charles said...

Oh. And you'd be a fine dancer.

tfg said...

I vibrating cell phone feels remarkably like being shocked by electricity. Thus, I've nearly jumped out of my skin on several occasions because of it.

Serena Joy said...

I am NOT good at Math, Seeley, so it's good that I have artistic to fall back on. I had to go back and make sure I hadn't misspelled "Kafka." LOL.

Good Lord, Charles, do clothes even come in size 69? Not that I care, because I'll never eat that much. I do love shopping, but I'm never buying that. I guess I can't blame the lawyer; I do the same thing to people in my job. I did buy low-fat toppings, so I guess I'm okay on that front. I'm pretty sure the number was 28. Do you know what it means? I don't think I'd take the caramel and hot fudge to bed with me. What a sticky mess! Ick. Paris has probably done it -- and liked it -- though.

It DID feel like an electrical jolt, T. I'm glad you understand why I jumped. And when it vibrates, it makes this zzzzzzz sound, which makes you think you're being shocked. This is my phone I'm talking about, you understand.:-)

Charles said...

SJ,
I asked Mona about your number, she's into that numerology stuff. I know if I had mentioned it to my grandmother, aunts or dad, they'd have been playing it all night at the dog track. Duh.

Trée said...

Could you give the cabana boy a demonstration of the shorts?

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Charles. Would the relatives have turned on you if it turned out to be an unlucky number? Let me know what Mona says.

Dear Cabana Boy, you would not have wanted to see such ill-fitting clothing. Not on an empty stomach, anyway. It's moot now, however; I took them back and got the right size.

littlebirdblue said...

I once dreamed I was Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H, and BJ and I were trying to pick up some nurses, and I was wearing a Groucho Marx glasses-and-moustache. And then I noticed my bottom half was a tractor, with treads instead of feet (or maybe it was a tank?), so I bull-dozed a tree instead and thought, "DUh...no wonder the girls didn't want to date me," and then I wiggled my eyebrows and posed with my cigar.

I think I was about 12 when I had that dream.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, my word, LBB! I hereby abdicate to you the Throne of Weird Dreams. Have you ever had that dream "interpreted?" I have a thingy somewhere to do that. I have GOT to find it and see what it says.:-)

G-Man said...

Serena Joy....?

It says my ideal job is a "PIMP"...
I like to make people feel good.
I am very persuasive with certain women.
I wear very strange clothes.
My 1990 Chevy P/U Truck is got a Bitchin Custom Job...
I kinda lean to one side a lot..(bad hip)

Serena...? But aren't Pimps supposed to make a lot of money?

Have a great week-end! xox

Serena Joy said...

Pimping, BD Galen?! LMAO! I suppose they do make some money but, nuh-uh, BG don't see it. You are persuasive, but I can't see you in a gold lamé suit with a feather in your hat, either.:-)

Lee said...

Now that's the kind of diet I can relate to...buy clothes three sizes too big! ;)

Serena Joy said...

LOL, Lee. That's one way to do it.:)

littlebirdblue said...

If we were all size six, nobody would need to diet, yo.

Hale McKay said...

Funny ... I didn't realize that a "2" turned upside down looked like a "5"!

In that dream, the one in the pink - are you sure it wasn't one of the Pinks from "Grease?"

It was unbearably hot and humid here in Boston also today. Tomorrow supposed to be the same but 5 degrees hotter - cracking the 90s.
---When I got home it was "bare-ably" hot!

Serena Joy said...

True, LBB. I think a lot of people who diet don't really need to. Conversely, those who need to diet to bring their weight down to a healthy level, don't. I keep hearing that the stick-thin trend is turning but, alas, I'm not seeing it in the magazines. The models still look like they might eat a piece of lettuce on Tuesdays and Thursdays and nothing in between.

It could have been Pinky Tuscadero, Mike -- which would certainly be preferable to Britney! We're in the 90s, too -- low to mid so far but creeping toward high. It's pretty miserable.

Hale McKay said...

Serena, the part about the cell phone vibrating reminded me of:

THIS VIDEO.

Serena Joy said...

LOL! That's hysterical. That would be SO embarrassing. See, the problem is, the girl didn't have enough pockets in her purse. Compartmentalizing is the key to avoiding these embarrassing mishaps.:-)

Hale McKay said...

I like the guy's reaction!

snowelf said...

Serena Joy!! You always make me laugh!!
I HATE trying clothes on at the store...there's just something about being able to see myself in my own mirror and my own reality that tells me if I am going to like something or not. Plus--taking two kids in the dressing room with me--not fun. You're not the only one!

I would feel seriously disturbed to find Britney in my dreams too! Ew!

--snow

Serena Joy said...

Oh, good, Snow! There are those who think it's nuts to buy clothes without trying them on, so I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.

If that really was Britney in my dream, I am apparently more seriously disturbed than I ever imagined.:-)

pinkhippo said...

SJ, It is so true to me ...

My Career Type: Conventional

You are orderly and good at following a set plan.
Your talents lie in working with written records and numbers in a systematic, orderly way.

You would make an excellent:

Bank Teller - Bookkeeper - Court Clerk
Mail Carrier - Post Office Clerk - Secretary
Timekeeper - Title Examiner - Typist

The worst career options for your are artistic careers, like comedian or dancer.

I am an Accountant...

Top cat said...

I love the fat free ice cream with all the high calorie stuff.lol
As soon as I walk out of the grocery store I'm already trying to remember what I forgot.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

Serena Joy said...

Wow, PH, it really did peg you correctly.:)

A list helps, TC, and I know I should always have one. Alas, sometimes I forget to make one. LOL.

Rain said...

Fogetting headache medicine, that's the worst feeling. I love your category of Pop tart dreams :)

Serena Joy said...

Hi, Rain, how are you, hon? Yep, forgetting the headache meds was a pain. Gave me a headache, it did. All's well, though; I got some yesterday. Pop Tarts. LOL.

Liz said...

Nothing at all dumb about those things. Perfectly rational and reasonable in a perfect world. Which is where you and I live.