Thursday, March 22, 2007

Whack A Wack


There was stuff in the newspaper this morning that made me feel sick to my stomach.

Savannah, GA – A whole family has been charged in the murder of 6-year-old Christopher Barrios – mother, father, and convicted sex offender son who lived in the trailer across the street from the boy's family. The father and son took turns sexually abusing the child while the mother watched. I know I often wonder aloud what the hell is wrong with people, but WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Bland County, VA – 167 dogs and puppies dead in a barn fire at an Amish puppy breeding operation. Probable cause – a kersosene lantern left in the barn to keep the puppies warm. Open flame? In an unattended barn full of animals? What the hell is wrong with people?

Local – A little boy was hit by a car on a busy street last year. He was badly hurt but survived. He’d been home schooled for the past year while he recovered from his injuries. Yesterday, he and his mother were killed in a car wreck. How sickening sad.

Not so much sick-making as just a reason for head-shaking – We have a client, 38 years old, who married a 50-something woman in Hawaii last year. Although he says he loves her and that “she’s hot,” he wants a divorce because, among other things, she “won’t listen to his financial advice.” (Red Flag went up in Serena's head.) We filed the complaint week before last. Last week, he calls and wants to know if it would be okay for him to go to the Bahamas with another woman. Duh. Yesterday, he called – from jail, arrested for assaulting the wife.

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I looked at this grouping of Words Gone Wild and, once I got over the eye-rolling and was pretty sure I wasn't having a small apoplexy, began to see the hint of a ... story. I'm a bit horrified that it took so little time (and so little cyberspace) to spot these hilarious facsimilies of words. It did, however, present a challenge -- how to turn this mess into a Twisted Linguistics story. Never let it be said that I'm not up for a challenge.

These are the words we have to work with.

poetress
they says it was edited by me
being a well publisher writer myself
take your advise
usally
Not now of days
seems to have went
has always gave
Isreal
spring lose and wack it
ler her
fiathful
I've heard the storys
uncontrolably

Once there was a girl, if she was a girl, who decided that her life's path would be that of a poetress. Her name was Isreal. Isreal heard rhyming words in her head from infancy – words, meter, and verse that were the siren call that would ler her uncontrolably to the poetress life.

"Isreal?" the kids in school would taunt her. "What kind of a name is that?"

"It means not fake," Isreal always answered. The taunts seems to have went to her head, for she would later lament them in her poetry.

Isreal's journey to success was fraught with difficulty, not like now of days when anybody can self-publish. Her agent pushed her and her editor usally rode her hard.

"Being a well publisher writer myself," the agent told her, "has always gave me empathy for other writers."

"What the hell is a well publisher?" Isreal asked one day.

"I started out as a well digger," the agent replied, "and then I decided to write a manual for diggers and publish it."

"Hmmm," Isreal said. "’Digging for Dummies’? What about my poems? What's the next step now that you've found me that scam publisher in Maryland?"

"Edit it, and then edit it again before you hand in the final draft."

"I paid an editor to do that to the first draft."

"You paid for that? The publisher wasn't terribly impressed.

"They says it was edited by me," Isreal said, "but that's not true."

"I know," said the agent. "I've heard the storys. Look, just convene a fiat of proofreaders, be fiathful to the red pencil, and hand in the final draft."

"I will take your advise," Isreal agreed. "And if Spring, my editor, doesn't like it, she can lose and wack it."

"Your poetry is already a bit wack," the agent posited.

Whereupon Isreal lost it and rolled up Chapter 5 and whacked the agent upside the head.

“You has always gave me a headache, you wack-job,” Isreal declared. “You lose. Now I give you one. And I spring my book from you and publish it myself at Lulu. Then when they says it was edited by me, they be right.”

If you're a woman of a certain age, you no doubt remember the gym teacher's mantra during exercises -- "We must, we must, we must improve our bust!" *(Note: that shit doesn't work.) What some of these budding writers need is a coach standing over them yelling, "You will, you will, you will improve your swill!"

Are you a cutthroat?

You Aren't Cutthroat

You definitely have ambitions and drive, but you also have integrity.
You'll get where you want to in life, and you'll do it the right way.
For you, the ends never justify the means.

24 comments:

littlebirdblue said...

You'll be happy to know I'm not cutthroat either.


poe tress:
A single lock of raven-dark hair.
"Nevermore!"

Roxan said...

Not cutthroat here.

What I found the most disgusting about that "family" was what the mother did while she watched. I hope they get them all for first degree murder.

cathy said...

too sick for words, I know whose throats I'd like to cut.

Serena Joy said...

I already knew you ladies don't have a cutthroat bone in your bodies.

Littlebird -- Poe! I've always said many heads are better than one and how true it is. That reference totally eluded me as I hurried through that mess. It's perfect!

I agree with you 100%, Roxan & Cathy. If anybody ever had no excuse whatsoever for living, it's that "family" from hell and their "family friend" who helped. There's no reason to keep them alive. I hope Georgia has the death penalty. I used to be vehemently anti-death penalty. Not any more.

Steve G said...

Interesting post, but one that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

puerileuwaite said...

Normally I LOVE to read about kids, puppies and relationships. But this post kinda puts a damper on things.

(p.s. - You have Tommy Lee as a client? Kewl!)

Seeley deBorn said...

More Cutthroat than I Think
(but I did suspect)
Yes, you do have that killer instinct lurking in you.
And while you may not be actually cutting throats anytime soon...
You certainly don't mind clawing your way to the top.

Serena Joy said...

I know, people -- it was a downer. Bad stuff happens, though. Thankfully, there's enough good to balance it out, but you gotta talk about the bad along with the good.

LOL, Pug. He'd like to think he's Tommy Lee.

I wouldn't worry about the instinct, Seeley. You have ambition, and that's a good thing.

Seeley deBorn said...

Caesar was ambition too....
Good thing the Ides have passed.

Seeley deBorn said...

had

dammit

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Oh, "Nevermore" is absolutely priceless. Yay, SJ and LBB, for brightening up the end of this very sad post.

I've been following the GA thing. As a mother to two small boys, the latest chapter of this story actually brought me to tears today. It is so wrong. In the abstract, I oppose the death penalty. In this case, I'd like to kill those people myself. I mean, seriously. Murder. Them. Bare-handed.


P.S. "You are not cutthroat. Unless faced with people who abuse children, in which case you're apt to claw your way through their eyeballs."

tfg said...

I know a 55/37 couple that have been happily married for 7 years now. There maybe some truth to the phrase: "Age is just a number."

Serena Joy said...

I hear you, Greeny. If I had small children and somebody victimized them, you'd better believe I'd go at them bare-handed, too.

It's an interesting phenomenon, TFG. I know some couples with a similar age difference and they, too, are very happy. I've always believed age is just a number. I think it'll probably be another 20 years before I start feeling like the age I am now.

Corn Dog said...

LOL..I'm still laughing at the words gone wild.

I'm not a cut throat. That's a surprise.

Serena Joy said...

I'm glad my nonsense amused you, CD.

You'd be one of the last people I'd ever think was cutthroat. I'm not, either, but this quiz lied, too -- sometimes, the end damn well does justify the means.

Lee said...

I can't answer your question, Serena...I just do not understand such people...it is way beyond my comprehension. They are sick monsters...scum!

Not cut-throat here, either.

Serena Joy said...

I don't think there is any answer, Lee. Nope, I wouldn't have pegged you as cutthroat, either. So far, my instincts about y'all are right on.:)

MXI said...

Am I the only cut throat? or did the rest of you lie?
That hurts!

Serena Joy said...

Aw, poor baby. Men can get away with it, though. We ladies have to, ahem, conceal our more bloodthirsty instincts a little bit. That way, they never see it coming.:)

Hale McKay said...

I woke to the news here in the Boston area about a 911 call to the police. A man called in and said he'd killed his wife and daughter.

Another incident, a young boy in a car seat was struck by a bullet in a drive-by shooting near downtown. A mother and a friend in the front seat were the targets. The little one was just in the wrong place at the wrong
time.

It's got to the point that I loathe watching the news, reading the newspapers or even listening to the radio -

-nothing it seems but tragedy.

This world has absolutely been turned upside down.

Liz said...

Those are dreadful stories: what is wrong with people? The first one - the mother - I just don't get. What happened to mother-love? Her natural instincts to protect her child at all costs?

Serena Joy said...

Geez, it was just an all around bad news day. And we didn't even cover war & politics. You're right, Mike -- sometimes it does feel like everything is upside down.

What happened to mother-love? Her natural instincts to protect her child at all costs?

It wasn't the little boy's mother, Liz. It was the wife and mother of the men who killed him. Sick.

Scary Monster said...

Me not gonna comment on the terrible things that happen. Me is goin off to Hawaii to find me a 50 year old Monster lover.

Expect the unexpected from Waikiki.

Stompya later

Serena Joy said...

Me is goin off to Hawaii to find me a 50 year old Monster lover.

Does Mrs. Monster know about this? Careful, now. LOL.

Have a wonderful time in Waikiki!