Monday, March 19, 2007

How Many Flubs Make a Cluster?

Baby you can drive my car...
~ (The Beatles)

I lost a hubcap a while back and never did get around to going to the dealership to order a replacement. It’s a long way away, and out of the way, and would have taken a lot of time. I would have done it, eventually, in my own good time, which is sometime. I went to get gas one day at my regular service station and the guys noticed it was missing and offered to get me a new one. I jumped right on that, since it would save me both time and money. Several weeks passed with no phone call, which prompted me to stop by and ask about it. Oh! They’d forgotten to order it. They promised to do it right away and call me when it came in. Several more weeks passed; still nothing. Do you suppose they suspect I buy cheaper gas somewhere else when I don't need their full-service? Is this payback?

Then, two weeks ago when I stopped in for gas, they said they had the hubcap. Yesss!! They pulled my car into a bay, leaving me to wait around up front for about twenty minutes. And then the guy comes back and tells me -- no go. It was the wrong hubcap and it didn’t fit. They’d have to reorder it – and call me. I made another gas run last week and, though nobody had called me, they told me once again that they had it.

This guy jacks up my car with me in it (I HATE that!), does whatever he has to do, and puts the hubcap on. Then, next thing I know, he’s lowering me and the hubcap is – in his hand. It seems that they hadn’t sent the requisite washers with the hubcap and, yes, they’re going to have to order them. I’m now beginning to think in terms of “cluster-fuck” and thinking I’d have been smarter to have just taken the time to go to the dealership.

Words Gone Wild are always one of those CF things. Here’s what Twisted Linguistics has picked up today.

absolutely thrillied – Cheap thrills in a ruffled apron.

That’s diffently true – A unique kind of certainty.

expierences – Pushed off a long dock.

wipped off my face – What happened when the wascally wabbit grabbed my cheeks.

analogie – A journal of one’s hemorrhoid treatment.

that is you perogative – Explaining to a Ross Perot campaign operative who he is.

bvefore - *I've thought and I've thought, and I just don't know this one.

let he or she know – If you let he know and you let she know, who will let I know?

I do not meen – Meeeeee, either.

What kind of cookie are you?

You Are a Fortune Cookie

You're a rather normal person, except that you have extraordinary luck in life.
People want to be around you (even when they're a little sick of you), in hopes of being lucky too!


Kanrei said...

You are not supposed to be in the car as they jack it up. This little "fact" alone should tell you these guys are no where near qualified. I think you should remove the other 3 and then no one will notice the one missing. Also, learn how to pump gas! =P

Serena Joy said...

LOL. All the bays with hydraulic lifts were full so the guy hauls out this portable jack and before I can say "Whoa!" I'm being hoisted.

I do know how to pump gas. I just don't like doing it and give myself a break every now and then.

Kanrei said...

They got rid of most of the full service stations around here. My mom doesn't pump gas either. She doesn't like the smell and doesn't really know how. I am sure she does and fakes not knowing to get my dad to do it for her. It works. Every now and then he is driving her car to work. I get to the office, see it, and he smiles and says "you mother needed gas."

Roxan said...

I'm all for the full service pump when available. Hard to find in this area though.
I'd leave the hubcab off, unless it is a city ordinance. LOL
I'm a chocolate chip oatmeal raisin fortune cookie. I made that up. LOL

Serena Joy said...

My neighborhood full service station is one of the few left around here, too. Your mother and I know the same little trick, Kan -- when the tank's low, "offer" to let somebody else drive the car. Works every time. LOL.

I am NOT leaving my hubcaps off. Jed Clampett is not my role model.:)

Roxan, those made-up cookies sound killer. I'd eat those -- lots of them.

Kanrei said...

I am NOT leaving my hubcaps off. Jed Clampett is not my role model.:)

Of course he's not. He listened to his kinfolk and moved away from there. You still live there. I think you need to remove the other three.

I hate raisens. I love grapes, but hate raisens.

Kanrei said...

I hate raisins too.

And rasens

And razens

And any other way to spell it you can think of.

Serena Joy said...

Nope, wouldn't be prudent. My kinfolk already think I'm pretty weird. Why give them confirmation that I'm their real-deal black sheep?:)

I like raisins IN stuff, can't stand them by themselves. And I like razin' stuff. And raisin' a little hell.

leelee said...

uh oh...Kanrei....hope you don't hate me too because my cookie quiz came out like this:

You Are an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

On the surface, you're a little plain - but you have many subtle dimensions to your personality.
Sometimes you're down to earth and crunchy. Other times, you're sweet and a little gooey.

Did you know that NJ is the only state left where you are NOT ALLOWED to pump your own gas? I had never done it before I moved here...5 gas caps later..I am now a pro and with speed pass I am in and outta there in no time at all!

Serena Joy said...

Ooo, I wish I'd gotten sweet & gooey, Leelee.

Not ALLOWED to pump your own gas in NJ?! Why on earth not? Is that an actual law?

littlebirdblue said...

You're not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon, either. State law--and invasive-feeling as hell if you're not expecting it.

***You are a jam cookie***

On the outside, you project a straight-laced, innocent vibe.
But on the inside, you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor.

Anonymous said...

You need to be on a lift to have a hubcap put on??

I'm a Chocolate Chip Cookie
Traditional and conservative, most people find you comforting.
You're friendly and easy to get to know. This makes you very popular - without even trying!

Is it true that in the states you have to pay for your gas before you pump it?

Serena Joy said...

No self-serve in OR, either? What is the basis for that, if anyone knows? Unless people were having accidents with gasoline left and right, I can't think why pumping gas should be illegal. Aww, Camille, you got jam cookies. Sweet.

Hi, Seeley. I don't know why it's necessary to jack up the car to put on a hubcap, either. I think it's for the mechanic's convenience. They get the car up high and then they're eye-level with the lug nuts they have to remove, I guess.

Chocolate chip cookes = one of the ultimate comfort foods.

In light of high gas prices and people driving off without paying, it's true that some stores make you pay before pumping.

Jack K. said...

bvefore-perhaps a golfing cow?

Oregon doesn't allow self service stations to provide more low paying jobs, or so I am told by my daughte who lives in Portland.

Go figure.

MXI said...

Why did they need to jack the car to put on a hubcap???? Where the hell were they going to put it?
I didn't do the cookie quiz, I'm afraid of what it might say...

Kanrei said...

Mxi further shows the bad mechanics. Why did they need a jack to put on a hubcap?

Leelee, there is no other way to eat oatmeal than with a raisin so you are safe.

Serena Joy said...

bvefore-perhaps a golfing cow?

Now, that makes perfect sense, Jack. It's so great when I can get help with these things. Your daughter's comment on no self-serve in OR sounds logical. Fuzzy logic on the part of the legislature, but I can see what they were aiming for.

Why did they need to jack the car to put on a hubcap???? Where the hell were they going to put it?
I didn't do the cookie quiz, I'm afraid of what it might say...

Beats me, MXI. Maybe the guy was bored. Maybe he thought I'd freak. Come on, try the cookie deal. The results might surprise you.

Leelee, there is no other way to eat oatmeal than with a raisin so you are safe.

Au contraire, Kan. Oatmeal cookies with raisins are heaven. Oatmeal with raisins in it is barf city. I don't eat oatmeal much, but when I do, I want it with butter, a little milk, and lots of brown sugar. NO fruit, especially not raisins.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

Ok, here's my two cents:
1) there are used hubcap stores all over the place. Call one and ask if your car's year/make/model hubcaps are available. They'll probably have it and it will probably be less than $50. If you want me to call Hubcap Annie (different from Dreamboat Annie) for you, let me know.
2) bvefore - this is gross, but have you ever heard of BV (bacterial vaginosis)? It's a benign infection that causes icky side effects. As in, "I've smelled that fishy smell BVefore."

Serena Joy said...

Greeny, you're a doll but I'm pretty sure I'll have that sucker on my car the next time I go get gas. I wish I'd known about Hubcap Annie before. I'd much rather buy from her than the service station guys.

Eeeee-uuuuuu -- BV. I just got over a yeast infection and I could TELL some stories. But I won't, because I remember what December Q. said about that chatty TMI woman and her lady parts. LOL. GOOD definition. Brava!

MXI said...

OK,I'm a jam cookie.."you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor."
Damn it's accurate!

tfg said...

Cookies and yeast infections--I like this blog better by the day.

Serena Joy said...

See, MXI? Tode ya so. Neener-neener-neener.:)

You probably don't have a yeast infection, TFG, but you didn't tell me what kind of cookie you are.

I wonder why nobody's hit on sugar cookies, or Oreos? I love those.

Hale McKay said...

Cookies ... Hub caps ... Gas caps ...

Ooh, I like this game. I'll say .. umm ... frisbees.

What? This isn't a word association game for circular objects?

I think I better go back and read the post and comments again.

Corn Dog said...

I see you have some "boys of summer" running your gas station. We have some of them operating the local auto fix it shop on the corner. We had a door handle put on my husband's car but they left his window down in a driving rain storm. Boneheads. I think they are sniffing gas out of their lunch baggies.

I'm a black and white cookie - conflicted. Duh.

leelee said...

Don't hate the raisin for it is merely a dried grape.

~confused 2007~

Serena Joy said...

Maybe, Mike. Can a hubcap double as a Frisbee? I think so!

Corn Dog, you're an Oreo! I think you're right about the gas dudes. I've wondered what was in those little baggies. LOL.

Leelee is our new Philosopher For The Ages -- Confused Say.:)

ThatGreenyFlower said...

I'm a chocolate chip cookie, like Seeley. I wish I were cute and clever like her, too! ;)

Trish said...

I got a dent in my car. Went to the parking lot and it was dented. Got the check from the insurance agent and still haven't gotten to the body shop. I keep trying (in my mind) to get there.

This week for sure. I'll see if they have an extra hubcap!

Serena Joy said...

Nonsense, Greeny. You ARE cute and clever. Chocolate chippy, too.:)

Oh, man, Trish, I'm sorry about your dent. It just sucks when you park your car, go about your business, minding your own business, and somebody comes along and does that.

Liz said...

A few years ago and I would have been able to help you with your hubcap problem. Elder Son collected them. We'd be driving along merrily and he'd scream, 'STOP!' And we'd slam the brakes on and ask what was the matter, and he'd say he'd just seen a hubcap on the side of the road. WE had loads in our backyard.

Then one day we called the police (after Husband's bike was stolen) and it wasn't until we were walking past the hubcaps with said policemen that we realised it must look a bit dodgy. They just looked; they didn't say anything